We’re planning a vacation this summer. We’re hoping to buy a house. We love pets. We like taking walks in the park.
Do you think it’s obnoxious when couples use “we” speak?
I’ll admit it’s confusing to hear someone use “we” when the other half isn’t around, especially if I don’t know the other half. However, using “we-ness” language may indicate a happier couple!
A new study from the University of California, Berkeley, suggests that spouses who use “we” may be better able to resolve conflicts than those couples who don’t.
Researchers studied conversations between 154 middle-aged and older couples. The conversations revolved around points of disagreement in the marriages. UC Berkeley researchers found that couples who used “we,” “our” and “us” showed less physiological stress and acted more positively toward one another.
However, couples emphasizing separateness with “I,” “me” and “you” were less satisfied in their marriages. The finding was particularly true for older couples. When the older couples used “separateness pronouns,” there was a strong link to unhappy marriages.
The study findings, published in the journal Psychology and Aging, also suggest that older couples use “we” more than middle-aged couples. Researchers believe that can be explained by older couples having faced more obstacles and challenges together, leading to a greater sense of shared identity. Previous studies have shown that “we-ness” or “separateness” pronouns are strong indicators of marital happiness in younger couples.
Of course, using “we” doesn’t make you part of a happier couple, it’s just a sign.
“Individuality is a deeply ingrained value in American society, but, at least in the realm of marriage, being part of a ‘we’ is well worth giving up a bit of ‘me,’” said UC Berkeley psychology professor Robert Levenson, a co-author of the study.
I tend to use “we” more when I’m with family or close friends. Do you use “we” speak?
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Post from: Blisstree