Yesterday was probably my worst day in the ICU. And the worst part was that it had nothing to do with a patient being sick or me not knowing what to do, but rather–an extremely difficult (putting it mildly) patient. I cannot go into details, but let’s just say he was out of his freakin’ mind. He made me sick. I really could not muster compassion for this man. He was too manipulative and #$^%@#$^%$^&%$&#$!@#!!!!!!!!!!
My whole day was terrible because of this patient. I honestly cried a few times out of frustration in the bathroom. I hope no one saw, but I’m sure no one would blame me. I tried to handle the situation as well as I could, but I suspect I did not. I mean, it was impossible.
Also, I am beating myself up over a stupid mistake that I am afraid made me look like a goddamn idiot in front of people who I respect. The order read to give 20mEq of KCL over 1 hour times 3, but for some STUPID reason, I hung each bag over 4 hours. And his K+ was only 2.7, and he was on bumex and diamox. I just felt so dumb when it was revealed to me in front of the intensivist, my manager, med student, and 3 nurses. No one acted like it was a huge deal, but I’m sure they all thought I was retarded. I think I just did it over 4 hours because when I worked tele, everyone had peripheral IVs and you have to infuse it slowly. I know it isn’t a huge mistake, but I’m still beating myself up over it. I just feel so dumb. I don’t want other people to question me, either.
🙁
Anyone else have difficulty letting small things go?
I’m trying not to focus on it today, but I’m still feeling pretty down about the whole day.
