The Toilet Paper Article of the Week: What Up Dog!?!

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Whether they dutifully walk with their owners, steadfastly guard the homestead, play with the kids, or take power hits off Great Aunt Gertrude’s crotch, the unconditional love and dedication one gets from a canine companion is one of life’s many joys.

Last night, the 134th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show wrapped up with “Sadie”, a 4-year old Scottie, taking the prize for best in show. No word on if Sadie can catch a frisbee or track a deer, but the bitch sure has a nice coat and white teeth.

For our dog dollar, we’re satisfied with a happy hound that doesn’t hunch the varnish off the table leg or take a sh!t on the rug.

Number

2,500 – Dogs that were entered in this year’s event, coming from 173 breeds and varieties. A terrier has won nearly 43% of the time. Also, 67% of the winners have been male.

Who would have guessed that even competitive dog shows have a seedy underbelly? Its name? Sexism.

Quote

“And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten!”

Fred Willard as Buck Laughlin, dog show play-by-play man in the 2000 comedy spoof Best in Show.

Word

Award of Merit

noun. 1. At the discretion of the judge, an additional award made to outstanding entries that are not judged to be either best of breed, best of variety, or best of opposite sex.

Surprisingly, Best Set of Nuts has yet to be officially recognized.

Fact

First held in 1877, the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show predates the invention of the automobile, the building of the Brooklyn Bridge and Washington Monument, the invention of basketball, and the establishment of the World Series.

This proves that even in the “old days” there were rich as*holes with nothing better to do.

The List

Best in Show Superlatives

Youngest – Ch. Laund Loyalty of Bellhaven (Collie) at nine months old (1929).
Oldest – Ch. Clussexx Three D Grinchy Glee (Spaniel)—AKA “Stump”—at ten years old (2009).
Most Wins – Ch. Warren Remedy (Fox Terrier) with three consecutive (1907-1909).
First to Be Invited to the White House – Ch. K-Run’s Park Me in First (Beagle)—AKA “Uno” (2008).
Most Ejections from Show – Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

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