Vegans don’t just eat boring foods… they also have boring sex.
There’s a reason they’re so weak between the sheets. They’re missing out on two key ingredients in an unforgettable sex life: protein and zinc.
I’ve told you this before, but the connection between good meat and great sex has gotten some unexpected attention since Argentina’s president, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, said that pork helped boost her sex life.
"I’ve just been told something I didn’t know; that eating pork improves your sex life," she was quoted as saying. "I’d say it’s a lot nicer to eat a bit of grilled pork than take Viagra."
She said when she ate some pork, "things went very well that weekend."
Forget ObamaCare — sign me up for CristinaCare, because she’s a smart cookie… not to mention easy on the eyes. If more world leaders looked like her, they could probably show international summits on pay-per-view instead of CNN.
But forget her looks — because she’s right (even if she was just trying to get easy applause from an audience of pork industry bigwigs). Pork will boost your sex life. So will beef, poultry, dairy and shellfish — all foods rich in protein and zinc, which are essential to testosterone production.
Men with low testosterone levels have weak sex drives — any vegan will tell you that, if he’s honest (but trust me… he’s probably not). Here’s a piece of trivia you can use to annoy these high-and-mighty animal-rights loons: British schoolmasters used to put boys on vegetarian diets to slow the libido and prevent masturbation.
The logic was sound, but I doubt it worked very well — boys are boys, after all, and they have higher testosterone levels to begin with.
But as we age, our bodies need more — but make less. To make up for that cruel irony, you need to eat plenty of meat.
The best source of zinc — by far — is oysters. There’s a reason they’ve been used as aphrodisiacs for centuries: They work. Just don’t ask any vegans about that. They’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.
Always ready for bedtime,