On Mon., Jan 25, I watched the latest episode of “Let’s Talk About Pep.” I like this show much better than the awkward “The Salt-n-Pepa Show” because Pepa seems to be in a more comfortable zone–although I did enjoy the episode about the Jena 6. The show is set up “Sex and the City” style with four friends meeting for brunch to discuss their goals and dating lifestyle.
On the most recent episode, after having phone sex and talking to a guy for three years, Pepa’s friend Kittie decided that she’d had enough of the over-the-phone conversations and wanted to meet him. Why they’ve never met in three years of conversing is inexplicable, but they finally met in person. But as soon as Kittie met him, she immediately threw herself at him asking if they were going to get drunk and have “hot, butt-naked sex.” Her date’s response, “Wow.”
After going back to Pepa’s home, where Kittie is a temporary roommate, Kittie changed into a bra and panty set, proceeded to straddle her date and he refused to take his shirt off or have sex with her. He made a joke about not being able to open the Christmas gift before Christmas, and he asked her why would she think they’d have sex if this was his first time meeting her. Now I commended the brotha for holding off on sexing her as soon as he met her. But I keep reading on these forums on VH1 and Facebook that he must be gay or married. I completely disagree.
Now I can’t sign on the dotted line that this guy is not married, but why does he have to be gay because he didn’t want to have sex with her? One of my favorite lines from a rapper I’m very much a fan of is Joe Budden’s lyrics. Read part of the lyrics to “U Ain’t Gotta Go Home”:
Ma, you real aggressive, catchin’ me off balance
It’s a turn-off, don’t you know n—–s respect a challenge?
Move a lil’ slow gettin’ at me
Treat the p—y like it’s worth somethin’, don’t just go throwin’ it at me
Cuz while you doin’ it at the same time
I’m thinkin’ how many n—–s hit you with that same line
Or, how many other n—–s you ran game to
How many n—–s you f—-d or you gave brain to
How many other dudes’ houses you done came to
With condoms on you hopin’ that he find ’em on you
And I ain’t tryin’ to catch nothin’ from you
So I’m caught up in a Catch 22
I honestly don’t think this date would’ve gone like it did had Kittie not acted so easy. I don’t think the idea of a man being turned off by a woman being so open is rare either. Yes, the two of them have “known” each other for three years and spoken on the phone, but talking to someone on the phone is just not the same as meeting them in person. Trust me. I know. I was very much a fan of the online dating scene, but after meeting seven different men that I’d met online, I realized quickly that I did not have the same connection with them after physically meeting them. I had a few “Online Dating Nightmares” and then a complete disappointment in who I thought was a winner but turned out to be the most arrogant guy I’d ever dated. But even if these guys turned out to be great, I really just think one-night stands or first-date sex are a terrible idea.
I read a comment on a Facebook forum asking whether women would feel comfortable having sex with a man after chatting with him for three years. Some said yes. Some said no. But one woman commented on the women saying no by stating, “I feel like women always try to say the ‘right’ ‘politically correct’ answer…when phone is all you have, you’re forced to really get to know a person, and if I can confirm all that we’ve talked about over the phone for three years seems to be inline with who I see before me, damn skippy I’m going in!” Now I’m not quoting the sista who stated that to knock her. But I will say that black women are the highest cases of new HIV positive patients. We definitely need to be choosier with who we lay down with.
But even if Kittie had condoms, I still am not willing to believe that someone “knows” someone by talking to them via phone but never meeting them in person. There are things you will see about a person in person that you just won’t notice on their free time chatting it up on a landline. I’ve had friends for years and gone on one vacation with them. I ended up looking at them like, “Who are you and what’d you do with my friend?” If you ever really want to know a person, travel with him or her or move in together. That’s when you meet the real person, not just sitting on the phone talking dirty.
I think it’s a shame that we commend women for holding out for sex, but assume the guy must be gay for being turned off by a woman being loose. Pepa said she hasn’t had sex in four years, and I haven’t heard one negative comment on the forums. She’s turned down a couple of guys who wined and dined her, and spent beacoup bucks. But a guy who goes on one date to the park and goes back to a woman’s apartment must be homosexual for turning her down? How come he couldn’t just be turned off by her promiscuous attitude?
With that logic, a guy is never allowed to turn down any woman for sex and must sleep with everybody just so he can keep his manhood intact. How insecure (and dangerous) is that?
Update 1/31/2010: Global Grind has a blog from Kittie explaining her point of view. I’m still puzzled about how someone can love another person without ever seeing them in person, but to each his own.