Seeking a happy relationship? If so – what traits are you prioritzing finding in a partner?
Most of the people I coach say they focus mainly on finding a partner who is sexy, smart, funny, successful, charismatic.
Although these qualities are important, in my book PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME I explain how there are 5 essential traits which must come far before these traits.
For the purposes of this blog, I will only be honing in on 1 of these 5 traits – the trait of “happy.”
Basically, if you want to live happily ever after, your partner has to be healthfully happy!
It’s like this:
If your partner is consistently unhappy, it will be as if they are giving off “a smell of unhappiness”—which can create two problems:
1. Firstly, your partner is often not aware that this “smell of unhappiness” is emanating from them. They just know “unhappiness is abounding.” The risk? They will sniff around, see you close by, then blame that unhappy stench all on you!
2. Secondly, your partner’s bad unhappiness smell can ruin your mood, making your home environment hard to be within. Sure, it’s good to be there to support your partner—but not if you’re doing it so much it makes you potentially get depressed too.
Psychologists and biologists even have a name for this: “emotional contagion.” They claim unhappiness spreads not just because of obvious psychological reasons—but primal, evolutionary ones.
“The original form is the contagion of fear and alarm,” said Frans de Waal, a psychologist and primate expert at Atlanta’s Emory University. “You’re in a flock of birds. One bird suddenly takes off. You have no time to wait and see what’s going on. You take off, too. Otherwise, you’re lunch.”
Translation: Getting caught up in another’s negativity is a hardwired survival mechanism. Psychologists believe that “emotional contagion theory” is also a form of hardwired human mimicry—our instinctive human tendency to unconsciously imitate facial expressions, vocalizations, postures and body movements.
For example: If someone scratches their nose, you might suddenly feel your nostrils twitch. Or if someone yawns and stretches and gets sleepy, you might yawn and feel more tired, too. Mimicry is such a strong foundation of our human emotional development that even at a mere 1-hour old, a newborn infant will be hardwired to mimic a person’s facial gestures. Hence why you can smile at a 1-hour old baby, and this 1-hour old baby will smile back!
Translation: Our built-in human system for mimicry explains why we humans can transfer our good and bad moods to each other—if we aren’t careful!
Numerous studies have shown how when one person in a romantic coupling gets depressed, the other becomes more depressed. Psychologists believe this transfer of emotions is yet another form of empathy. In London’s University College, psychologist Tonia Singer and colleagues used brain scans to explore empathy in 19 romantic couples. She hooked both individuals to brain scans. One partner in the couple was given a slight electric shock while the other partner watched. Each of their scans showed identical brain reactions. Although only one partner was shocked, both partners’ pain centers lit up—as if both had been jolted.
On a more happy note…Howard Friedman, a psychologist at University of California at Irvine thinks “emotional contagion” is also why some people can inspire others to positive action—like a a joyous/exuberant partner in a romantic coupling. Friedman believes it’s because the happy person’s happy facial expression, happy voice, happy gestures and happy body movements conspire to transmit happy emotions.
For all these reasons, if you want to be in a happy relationship, you must prioritize finding a happy partner. If your partner is consistently unhappy, it won’t matter if they’re incredibly sexy, wildly funny, impressively successful, adorably charismatic — your relationship will be weighed down under the heaviness of their moods.
Hence if you’re single right now, you need to consciously focus on seeking a partner who embraces character values which help them to be emotionally stable, even-tempered, addiction-free, nutritionally balanced, physically active and full of high self-esteem — all of which will better ensure your partner will be healthfully happy – and together you might then live healthfully happily ever after!
Curious what those other 4 essential traits of the 5 in total might be? Check out PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME by clicking this line, right here, right NOW.
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