The Toilet Paper Article of the Week: Fathers, Don’t Let Your Daughters Date…(John Mayer)

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He’s won four Grammys, jams with blues legends, and has dated some of the best-looking women in show business. Nonetheless, the verbal diarrhea that continually spews from John Mayer’s mouth has us wondering if the guy has sh!t for brains.

Recent interviews in both Rolling Stone and Playboy have been both bizarre and baffling. Whether discussing past conquests, his proclivity for pulling his pud, or just blurting out racist nonsensical musings, Mayer seems hell bent on committing professional suicide.

In fact, Mayer may be the first singer-songwriter that could boost his career by shutting his mouth.

Number

$20M – Value Mayer claims his vintage watch collection is worth.

You know what time it is? Time to get ill.

Quote

“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”

Mark Twain

Word

frank

adj. 1. Blunt: characterized by directness in manner or speech. 2. Hot dog. 3. Lloyd Wright.

Fact

Mayer played the clarinet in middle school. It wasn’t until he was 13 and saw Michael J. Fox shred as Marty McFly in Back to the Future that he became interested in guitar. His dad rented a Washburn acoustic for him. Mayer never quit playing.

The List

When Publicists Vacation

Mel Gibson – “Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.” This is patently offensive and ridiculous, Mel. It’s the Muslims, you goofball.
Hulk Hogan – “I totally understand OJ. I get it.” The Hulkster being questioned about his feelings regarding his ex-wife Linda and her then 19-year-old lover.
Kanye West – “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” That’s certainly a broad brush to paint with, Kanye. Though, we can think of one he almost certainly doesn’t dig.
Mariah Carey – “I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” The non-Mensa-membership-holding songstress after seeing starving children on television.

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