Delusional Absolution
By Lisa Richards
February 19, 2010
First, I would like to start this column by apologizing to all the boys in elementary school whom I bit, kicked in the shins, as well as my fifth grade art teacher, who said I was to driving her to a nervous breakdown, and every substitute teacher forced to teach a class with Lisa Richards in it.
I further wish to apologize to my mother for my lack of house-cleaning skillsor rather disdain of such. Sorry Mother, but I prefer shopping, horses, tennis, and golf. And why should I make a bed that will be unmade in ten hours, or clean boots that will be mucked again in 24 hours?
I am also sorry for stealing Mothers Cadillac when I was 16: it was a Cadillac, totally fabulous, I was 16, and again, it was a Cadillac. And I apologize for doing the same, that year, with Dads new sports car. I am deeply sorry.
I am deeply sorry and utterly disgusted that golf, a game for which my family has been pros in since the 1920s, has been invaded by a sex-addicted whoring womanizer who cant keep his clubs to himself. Im speaking of course about Tiger Woods, PGAs repentant hero who deserves to have me, and every other American woman, wipe our mucky riding boots on his face.
Woods gave a 14 minute press conference, apologizing so much (more to the public than his wife and children, whom hes destroyed), it became obvious the entire event was nothing more than a well-coordinated media stunt to help smooth his way back into the PGA and advertisement endorsements. Even Fox Newss Geraldo Rivera, who told Megan Kelly his past, is no better than Tigers, thought the apologies were over the top and calculated for ulterior motives. read more »