There are products where smallness is a marketing virtue, like cellphones or
thong underwear. But small condoms are a marketing nightmare. If advertising is about creating consumer desire, who aspires to a size extra-small?
The result is a condom aisle at the drug store where all the men, a la Lake Wobegon, are “above average.” But the status quo may have dire public health implications.
According to the medical journal Sexually Transmitted Infections, 45
percent of men reported that
they had experienced an ill-fitting condom within the last three months.
The misfits were significantly more likely to report breakage
and slippage, along with difficulty reaching orgasm, both for their
partners and for themselves, and a host of other sexual mishaps. Not
surprisingly, men with ill-fitting condoms were more likely to take them
off before sex was even over — all of which adds up to a massive failure
for the one job a condom exists to fulfill.
Aside from a realistic range
of sizes, there is a dizzying amount of condom variety. A non-exhaustive
list: ribbed, for her/his pleasure, studded, lubricated, extra thin,
scented, textured, unscented, flavored, extended pleasure, colored,
with/without spermicide, glow in the dark, lamb skin, warming. But aside
from the machismo-imbued “Magnum” designation, you’d be hard-pressed to
find any size labels. What’s a modestly
endowed guy to do? And perhaps more importantly, are the condom
manufacturers being irresponsible by not being transparent in their
sizing? Do they even make small condoms?
In fact, there is some
size variation in condoms, but it’s couched in jargon. LifeStyles has by
far the most direct code, called “Snugger Fit.” Here is a
sizing chart for Durex condoms.
Trojan seems to
have recalibrated its sizes a la Starbucks (and there is something
appealing, if patronizing, about the idea of buying a “Tall” condom when
in fact it’s the opposite). The company organizes
its products by Regular, Large, and Extra Large. Ah, so the
regular is actually a small? Wrong. The regular is actually regular — 35 of their
42 lines fall under this category — not exactly following the bell
curve.
Buying condoms online neatly sidesteps this entire mess, though even on the ostensibly private and shame-proof internet, a
comparison of the smaller
condom selection vs. the large
condom offerings is instructive. But condoms tend to be
unplanned, impulse buys — hence the rather limited number of bulk
purchases, despite considerable savings and a condom’s 3-5 year
lifespan.
So what’s to be done? It’s tricky territory. TheyFit
Condoms offers seventy different sizes (none of which
are labeled “small”), and guarantees a “custom” condom. But in order to
enjoy that superlative fit, you’ll have to measure,
and carefully at that. The site thoughtfully warns, “Watch out for
paper cuts!”
Spray-on
condoms seemed promising, but the latex doesn’t dry quickly enough
for the understandably impatient consumer. Dr. Bill Yarber, of the
Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction in
Indiana, recommends
re-labeling small condoms as “large”, regular as “extra-large” and
so on. But this would require some sort of industry standard and an
overhaul of the current condom lines, all without letting the public in
on their new sizing policies. Additionally, Yarber’s plan would have the
true-to-life Magnum man in a pinch: his previously large-enough condoms would
suddenly be a tight fit.
Ultimately, if men want a condom that fits —
and it’s much more about girth than length, if that helps — then
they’ll have to band together and demand more accurate sizes from the
condom companies. At the very least it should make for one heck of a
protest.
