by Umbra Fisk
Dearest
readers,
Do
you know what today is? Why, yes, smarty pants, it is Friday, March 19, but more to the point, do you know what
momentous occasion occurred on this date 55 years ago? Indeed, my speedy
Googlers, Bruce Willis’ birth! And to honor the day that brought us the star of
such gems as Die Hard, Die Hard 2, Die Hard: With a Vengeance, and the now-in-development Die Hard 5, I’ve combed the archives to
find some words of wisdom related to my pal and yours, Bruce Willis. I may have had to stretch just a smidge to
make some of them work for the theme, but in the end, I do believe BW would be
proud. Want to share your favorite Bruce Willis moment in history? Hit me up in
the comments section.
Live Free or Die
Hard
Ah,
nothing says Fourth of July more than Det. John McClane blowing up terrorists
and Americans blowing up fireworks. Although fireworks do give off carbon
dioxide, they aren’t egregious greenhouse-gas offenders. The more serious pollutant is potassium perchlorate, used as an oxidant in fireworks.
Perchlorate, which messes with our thyroid glands, falls to the ground as the
firework fades, and often into water. Is it toxic enough to stop once-yearly use?
Meh, it’s your call. Get the full Ask
Umbra answer.
The Sixth Sense
Oh
man, Haley Joel Osment scared the bejeezus out of me in this flick, with his,
“I see dead people” stuff. I’m all like, can you see me?! Does that mean…?
Nooo! The time will come when, yes, Haley Joel Osment will be able to see us
all. And when it does, you don’t want to leave your carbon footprint hanging
around. Traditional cremation is less polluting than modern burial. I know, you’re as surprised as I was. Modern
burial involves formaldehyde-y embalming fluid, concrete vaults, and lots of
lawn mowing and pesticides. Cremation is just the burning with no ensuing
cemetery maintenance. However, if burial’s your thing, there is a Green Burial Council to aid in
planning, and there are also pretty, green
graveyards.
Get the full Ask
Umbra answer.
Over the Hedge
Remember
the sweet little cartoon in which BW voiced that wily raccoon RJ, who ventured
into human territory with his other woodland creature pals? Ah, happy memories.
So here’s a word on deer hunting (smooth transition, no?). Deer no longer have
many predators, because we’ve killed most of them off through habitat loss and
fragmentation, as well as hunting. Without human interference, deer would keep
reproducing and stay healthy as long as food and space were plentiful. Starvation
and disease would eventually slow their reproduction; then food would become plentiful again, reproduction would pick up, and the cycle would continue. But that’s hard for humans
to watch and even harder for the starving deer, I imagine. Hunting is used by state fish and wildlife agencies to manage deer
herds. Am I in favor of hunting? For food by people who can use the meat, yes. For
fun to help “manage deer herds”? Sport hunting is in many ways a
necessary outcome of the artificial habitat in which deer now roam. Wildlife
managers are looking into sterilization as an alternative in communities where
hunting is impossible (dense suburbia) or has been voted out of existence. Might
I suggest deer condoms? Get the full Ask Umbra answer.
Garden State
OK,
fine, you movie buffs, Bruce wasn’t in Garden State. However, he did grow
up mostly in the Garden State. He’s a
Jersey boy! Thusly, I bring you a lovely letter from a fellow New Jersey
reader, Patricia from North Plainfield, N.J., who wanted to know how to recycle
a Color Me Badd tape (told you I might be stretching a bit). So here goes: Donate it to a thrift store or library, posse up with your friends in the same
sitch and ship all the goods to a biz like GreenDisk, or head over to Earth911 and type in “cassette
tapes” and your area code to see if there are any places to recycle tapes in
your own ‘hood. Get the full Ask Umbra answer.
Yippee-ki-yayly,
Umbra
Related Links:
Ask Umbra on dating, individual actions, and coffee stirrers
Ask Umbra on paint that’s better for the planet [VIDEO]
Ask Umbra on keyboard cleaners, automatic composters, and book club