Author: Heather Corinna

This article is published in partnership with Scarleteen.org.

Anonymous asks:

Am I/is he/is she/is this/are we normal?

 

Heather Corinna replies:

As anyone
who works in sex education or sexuality can tell you, when it comes to the
questions people ask us, variations on the theme of "Am I normal?"
reign supreme.

I just
spent a half hour going through our advice question queue, doing a search on each page for the word
"normal." At the moment, we have around 55 pages of unanswered
questions. There’s five to 15 questions on each page. I found only two
pages where there was not at least one question with the term "normal" in it;
where the heart of the question wasn’t "Am I — or is he, she or ze —
normal?"

Some
questions about normality are really about health. That’s a little different.
Of course, from my view, that’s also less about normal and more about healthy.
If, for instance, someone has delayed puberty but no health issues they need to
address causing it, then it doesn’t really matter if it’s normal because that
person is healthy and not in need of healthcare or lifestyle changes to support
health. Maybe someone’s uterus is radically different than the uteri of most
other female-bodied people, or someone’s penis is bigger or smaller, but again,
more times than not, those folks may or may not be exactly "normal"
but they’re healthy, so it’s all good. We may have a disability that is
exceptionally rare and thus, not normal by definition, and it may also present
health problems so may not technically be healthy, but in cases like that,
what’s normal doesn’t matter: what matters is finding a way for us to be
comfortable, be supported and accepted and to live a life we want and enjoy.

What I’m
mostly (though "My body looks like X, is this normal?" falls under
this, too) talking about here is this kind of concern about normalcy:

Is it normal for me, as a woman, to be attracted to other women?
Is it normal for me, as a man, to only be attracted to women? Is it normal for
me not to feel attracted to anybody? Is it normal by boyfriend is excited by
doing this, that or the other thing with his ejaculate? Is it normal I
fantasize about this, that or the other thing and find it exciting? Is it
normal if I reach orgasm from this thing? How about this one? Is it normal I
don’t reach orgasm from this thing that someone else does? Is it normal I don’t
reach orgasm yet at all? Is it normal I orgasm easily? Is it normal it’s tough
for me to reach orgasm? What’s the normal amount of time to wait for sex with a
partner? Is having sex with a partner on the first date, in the first week, in
the first year normal? Is it normal for me, as a girl, to want to have sex? Is
it normal for me, at 13, to have sexual feelings? Is it normal for me, as a
guy, not to have interest in sex? Is it normal to watch porn? Is it normal for
a guy to say no to sex? Is it normal for a girl to say yes? How can we have a
normal sex life? How can we be like normal couples? Is it normal to laugh
during sex? Is it normal to cry after orgasm? Is it normal to feel good about
sex? Is it normal to feel bad about sex? Is it normal to only reach orgasm by
myself? Is it normal to only reach orgasm with a partner? Is it normal to
masturbate? Is it normal to masturbate if I’m a girl, if I’m 14, if I’m not
ejaculating, if I don’t get off, if I do get off, if I have a sexual partner?
Is it normal to feel nervous about sex? Is it normal not to feel nervous? Is
wanting sex twice a day, every day, once a week, a few times a month, once a
year, once every decade, or never normal? Is it normal to like this kind of
sex? Is it normal not to like this kind? Is it normal to feel a lot from this
kind of stimulation, but not that kind? Is it normal to only want casual sex?
Is it normal to only want sex in a marriage? Is it normal for my love
relationship not to be sexual? Is it normal for me to have so many questions
about sex and what’s normal in the first place?

The
answer to any of those questions and others like them can vary. The answer may
be yes, maybe, not really (which is the least common answer of all), I don’t
know, and, most often, that it sounds like that’s normal for you right now, or
has been normal for you so far. "Normal according to whom?" is
another common reply. "No," when it comes to questions like those, is
never the answer. However, no matter what the answer is, they all beg the
question, "Why
does normal matter?"

Understand
that I totally totally get how important being normal can feel for people,
especially for younger people who often feel they don’t or won’t fit in
anywhere and are concerned sex will be no exception. Working with people and
sexuality for as long as I have, I absolutely recognize that there are many
people who feel it’s critically important their sexuality and sex lives meet
the real or perceived standards of others or culture-at-large (whatever the
heck that even is).

While I
get that intellectually, I only kind of get it from an personal standpoint. I
myself figured from a very early age onward that I was a weirdo in general,
probably not normal, and that my sexuality and sex life was likely no
exception. And I decided not to give a hoot and just let my freak flag fly,
especially since it all felt great to me and people I chose to be sexual with,
and I had little respect or care for most "norms" I met and many of
the people who promoted them. Of course, the irony is that in hindsight, doing
that job I do now, I know full well that for as much as anyone is normal, I was
and am normal, too, even in my weirdness.

The most concise definition of normal is "being approximately
average."

Doesn’t
that sound so super exciting? I sure hope in my life I can reach the amazing
goal of being approximately average. Who needs world peace, the end of global
hunger, to develop the cure for HIV or to win a Pulitzer when we could
accomplish that? Sorry,
snark attack. I’m done now.

That
definition makes clear that the idea of normalcy in sexuality is an oxymoron.
Because there is no average for all people. Not even an approximate one. When
it all comes down to it with sex and sexuality, because of how diverse we all
are, either everyone is normal or no one is.

There is
no one sexual normal: nor for men, not for women, not for those who are or
identify as neither. Not for straight people or queer people, married people or
not-married people, young people or old people or any other group of people
there is. Anyone who tells you there is either doesn’t know much about human
sexuality or wants you to think they, you or others are normal or abnormal
because of some kind of personal agenda.

Another
definition of normal is "conforming with or constituting a norm or
standard or level or type or social norm; not abnormal," which I think is
more often what a lot of people are concerned about with sexuality. But that’s
also problematic. What’s a social norm? More specifically, how big is the
social group making that a norm? For anyone making a norm, what’s their
criteria in doing so? How broad has their study been on what everyone
does/is/feels, if they’ve done any real study at all? Why are they saying
something is normal: is it because they really think it is, or just because
they badly want it, or themselves, to be? Are they saying something is normal
in order to educate and inform people to earnestly help better their lives, or to
try and control people for their own benefit? What about the fact that so
often, people who are loudest about what is or should be "normal" are
people for whom that given standard isn’t even what’s normal for them? (I’m
talking to you Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, Mark Foley and all the myriad folks
out there like you.)

I have
something really important I want to tell you. Based on everything I know, from
the many years I’ve worked in sexuality now, from my own life, from the lives
of people who I have been close to sexually, or who have talked with me about
their sexualities and sexual lives, one of the biggest favors you can do for
your sexual self, any sexual partnerships you may have, and for people as a
whole, is to stop
asking that question. To learn to say "To
hell with normal."

We do have a
few pervasive, worldwide social norms: one of the biggies with sex is an
intense concern about being normal. That pervasive norm (and a few others
related to it) also has a pervasive consequence, which is that a whole lot of
people’s strong concern about normalcy and trying to meet standards of normalcy
tends to get in the way of people having sex lives and sexualities they feel
good about, that are really for and about them, and that result in satisfying
lives and experiences. Going batty trying to seek out or be what’s sexually
normal often results in feeling like an outside in your own sexuality, like you
aren’t connected with it at all, like you aren’t at home in it, like it’s an
empty room, than it does in finding sex and sexuality to be a place of joy, a
place of richness, to be a place you feel at home in, alone or with partners.

The
sooner you can get past worrying about if you’re normal or not, the sooner you
can start discovering what your unique, own sexuality is like and what you really want from it.
The sooner you do that, the
sooner you’ll be able to create and experience a sexual life that’s really a
good fit for you — not anyone else, you — and to a level of comfort with your
own sexuality that will feel good to you, physically and emotionally. Ask any
sexologist or sex therapist for a second opinion on that: I can assure you that
they’ll concur.

We’ve
said it before, and we’ll keep saying it: what’s
most normal and most common in sexuality is diversity.

Any ideas
anyone may have that there is one default sexuality or sex life, one set of
sexual things or ideas that most people — or all people except you —
idealize, want, experience, enjoy or sign unto — are incorrect. It’s normal to
have a range of emotional and physical reactions to all kinds of sex as well as
to not-sex-at-all. It’s normal for people to be sexually attracted to any
number of different kinds of people or to not be sexually attracted to people.
It’s normal for people to like all kinds of sexual things and dislike all kinds
of sexual things by themselves, with a given partner, or full-stop. It’s normal
to masturbate or not to. It’s normal to have sexual feelings or desires at any
given age, it’s normal to want this much sex or that little. It’s normal to
have a wide array of sexual fantasy. If something is normal for a person of one
sex or gender, it’s normal for a person of another. It’s normal to say yes to
something sexual and normal to decline. It’s normal to orgasm and not to
orgasm. It’s normal to feel excited sometimes and normal to feel bored to tears
at other times.

With
anything like that, given things may be more or less common either for all
people, those of a given gender, age, orientation or some other exceptionally
broad classification of people, those of a given community or peer group, but
if they are happening to you, for the time being or for your whole life,
they’re your normal right now. And I swear to you, that really is all that is
truly relevant and all that’s earnestly productive and beneficial to you and
everyone else.

If you
feel you must, you can still ask me if you’re normal. I’m not saying what I am
because I need you to stop asking. But I’m going to keep giving you the same
answer. I’m going to keep telling you that there are few things under the sun
when it comes to sexuality that only one person in the world thinks about (or
doesn’t), wants (or doesn’t) or enjoys (or doesn’t), and that if you’re feeling
the way you are, having the experiences you are, and all of that is real to
you, that it’s normal for you. And that question is also going to keep you
stuck in the same place: there are far more interesting questions to ask which
will elicit far more useful answers.

Sex and
sexuality are "normal" in that they are, in all their diversity, as
well as in their absence, one common part of most people’s lives, and one
common part of who nearly all of us are. But we can never say any one given
thing is normal or abnormal because to do so would also be to say that there is
one kind of sexuality or sex life, one kind of sexual experience or desire,
which is "approximately average" for all people. That’s something any
of us who have worked in sex for a while, and who considers all the information
we take in about it with as little bias and projection as possible, knows just
isn’t true or real.

You don’t
have to be normal. No one does, and everyone has stuff about themselves or
their sexuality that one person or another would not consider normal, because
not only does sexuality widely vary, so do people’s opinions about what is and
isn’t normal. If you find yourself in any kind of sexual situation or
partnership where your "being normal" is way important to you or
someone else — where it’s far more important than being yourself — you’re
probably in a situation or partnership that just isn’t a good fit for you.

All you
have to be, or strive to be, is comfortable with who you really are sexually,
and to honor and respect who anyone else really is. If we’re talking about your
sexuality or masturbation alone and it feels physically and emotionally good to
you, chances are very high it is all good. No worries. If it doesn’t, either
you just need to try something different, or look into, sometimes with help,
why you feel bad. With sexual partnerships, same deal: does what you’re doing,
or how you’ve both framed this, feel physically and emotionally good to you and
that other person (or people)? Okay, then. And if not, it’s time to do some
talking, make some adjustments (physical, interpersonal and/or mental) or reconsider
if a given situation really is the right one for everyone involved in terms of
what they want, what feels right to them, and where they’re at right now.

It stands
to mention that if you have the idea that who you are sexually, or what you
like or want, is something you are convinced absolutely no one else in the
world will share or understand, you should know that that is profoundly
unlikely: if there’s something you like, while not everyone may like it, at
least one other person does, too. Probably way more than just one. By all
means, in some cases, finding sexual partners or partnerships that are
perfectly compatible, that are a really good fit for both people can be tougher
than in others (and that also can change: we may be very compatible with one
person for years, then have changes one or both of us experience change that
fit). But at the same time, it’s often harder than the world makes it sound for
anyone to find others with whom they have a great sexual fit, and all the more
so when we’re also trying to seek out sexual relationships that also are a good
fit in other ways; that are bigger relationships than primarily sexual ones,
and where we’re compatible in every way possible.

It might
help to think about the people in the world you admire most. It’s likely that a
big part of why you do is that there is something exceptional about them:
something different. Maybe they had a challenge or adversity they have faced
remarkably well, better than a lot of other people have. Maybe they’re different
in a way you can relate to, and they don’t hide that difference or act like
there’s something bad about being different in some way. Maybe they have asked
something of themselves or others that is more than what people will usually
ask. Whatever it is, it’s unlikely that you feel inspired by someone else
because they’re just that normal, just so awesomely homogenous. When you like
or admire other people, the first thing that comes to your mind when you think
about how cool they are probably is not "Wow, they are so totally average!"

So, let
whatever it is you think may be your freak flag fly. If you don’t, how will
someone else like you (or not like you, but who benefits from knowing you), who
thinks you’re amazing, ever find you? People talk about sexual risks all the
time, but all to often they leave out what it means to take a risk of being
ourselves, and that that risk — which risky like anything else — is mostly
likely to result in positive, wanted consequences and results, not negative
things we don’t want.

Sex and
sexuality is supposed to be about personal expression: it’s a way of exploring and expressing who we and
others are, what unique alchemy we make and relationship we have with a partner
or partners, and it’s a perpetually unanswered question because every time we
ask it in each experience, we’re never exactly the same person twice, and our
sexuality is ever-evolving, just like all of who we are. If it was a place best
suited to all of us being exactly the same, to never changing or doing anything
differently, I assure you that we all would have gotten really bored with it a
long time ago.

Now if
you’re asking me, this is something we should strive to do in every aspect of
our lives: to be as much of who we uniquely are not just in sex, but in
everything. Sex and sexuality is a good place to get some experience accepting
you and others for who we are, and being as authentic as you can. But it’s also
a place where trying to be like an idea of everyone else, trying to meet a
given standard or worrying more about what’s normal than what feels good for
you and what feels like it’s really about you, is particularly poorly suited,
especially if you want a sexuality and sexual life that are anything
but…well, approximately average.

Which I don’t think anyone at all — even someone who asks if they’re
normal — really wants.

This article is published in partnership with Scarleteen.org.

prince_12 asks:

I hope you would be able to answer my message as soon as possible.
It is very urgent. I have passed through the site and decided of asking you
some questions maybe you could help me. I am an Indian girl. My age is 26 and I
never had ever sexual intercourse because it is against our traditions here. A
girl is not allowed until she is married. I never ever masturbated using
machines or finger. I never ever touched my area down before. I even never knew
anything about girls and guys masturbation. Here we are not taught about sex
issues.

I entered accidentally one of the sex sites and most probably out of
curiousity about a new thing, depression, and much free time. I started
chatting dirty(no voice) with these guys and I watched some. I never did this
before in my whole life really. I noticed that i gave water from under when I
chatted dirty or watched a guy and I become very jelly like down there. I
really never knew this is masturbation i am really ignorant about that. I did
this only about two months but I chatted and masturbated several times in a
day.

Really I
am very ignorant that this is how the girl masturbate. I chatted with several
guys two days ago, and now i am very worried about my body. Until this moment,
I still feel jelly like and watery from down inside for no reason. I am not
chatting for two days and I still feel very jelly and watery from down. I also
feel very hot from down. Also, I am entering bathroom many times in one day. I
got very worried and afraid about my body. Why the water did not stop? Why do I
still feel jelly like down? Why entering bathroom many times? Am I suffering an
infection or something? I am very afraid about that. Also, Another important
question came to my mind: May a girl break her hymen only from chatting dirty
many times in a day for a month or two month. Really I never did this my whole
life and I am very frustrated and afraid. I don’t want what I did out of
ignorance, curiousity, and depression and only for a two month period affect my
health negatively or break my hymen. Please tell me I did not break my hymen.
And please tell me whether i should visit a doctor to see why i still give
water from down or not? Is it a big problem? I am very afraid really and
frustrated and not sleeping. I hope you answer my questions quickly it is very urgent.
Thank you a lot in advance.

Heather Corinna replies:

Before I
talk about anything else, I want to address a couple things right off the bat
in the hopes that you will feel some quick emotional relief, and can let go of
some of the fear and panic you’ve been living with.

What you
experienced — that "water" or "jelly" — when you were
chatting was most likely vaginal lubrication. When female-bodied people get
sexually excited, when we get turned on, usually the vagina will start to
self-lubricate, becoming more wet than usual. For those who get excited and
choose to masturbate or have genital sex with a partner, that lubrication is
part of what makes any kind of sex feel good. And because our vaginas clean and
adjust themselves over cycles of several days at a time, it’s possible to get
very lubricated one day, and a couple days later still find the consistency of
your vaginal discharges is a little bit different. Changes in lubrication like
that are not causes of vaginal infection.

I have
yet to hear anyone define the loss of virginity as a woman getting excited,
looking at or touching her own anatomy or talking about sex with others. I also
have not generally heard anyone say that someone who masturbates is not a
virgin, even in very traditional cultures or communities.

In cultures,
communities or individual ethics where virginity is a big deal, what people
usually mean when they talk about who is and who is not a virgin is who has or
has not had a sexual partner. Usually when people say someone is a virgin, they
mean they have not had any sexual partnerships. In some cases, they may allow
for someone having had sexual partnerships, but not penis-in-vagina
intercourse. In other words, a great deal of the time, people who espouse or
subscribe to virginity as an idea define a virgin as someone who has not had
penis-in-vagina sexual intercourse primarily, or more broadly, as someone who
has not done any kind of genital sexual activity with a partner.

Virginity
isn’t a medical condition: in other words, it has nothing to do with body parts
or how yours may look or be. In medical reference books, we won’t find a
definition of virginity like we’ll find for dermatitis or a given nerve or
muscle, because virginity is neither a medical condition nor is it anatomical
(a body part).

Those who
think virginity is about the hymen, or that the hymen can show us who has and
has not been sexual need to understand that that is simply not an accurate
measure of who has or has not had sex, and the idea that it is is very
outdated, and based on ignorance of women’s bodies. The hymen — now called the
corona — is folds of thin, flexible membrane just inside the vaginal opening
most female-bodied people have at birth. It gradually wears away over time
through puberty and adulthood (through our normal vaginal discharges,
menstruation, because of hormones, physical activity and yes, also with vaginal
sexual activities), with or without any kind of sex. For sure, vaginal sex can
speed up that process, but most people who have had vaginal sex once or twice
will often still have at least some of their hymen. There are even women who
have given birth with parts of their hymen still remaining before a delivery
(birth), and still remaining after delivery. Even when a woman’s hymen
is mostly worn away, small bits of it always remain.

Most
female-bodied people who have started menstruating and been through some of the
process of puberty will not have fully intact hymens anymore, even if they have
not had any kind of sex OR masturbated. If the corona was not at least somewhat
worn away — if small openings in it had not started to form — then a young
woman would not have any menstrual flow, because it would be trapped behind
that membrane. That can happen, but it’s rare, and when a hymen is that
resilient, it often will not wear away with intercourse, either. Women with
very resilient coronas need to have a minor surgery in order to engage in
intercourse.

The hymen
also actually doesn’t usually "break" at all, nor do most women bleed
with first-time intercourse from a "broken" hymen. In
other words, it is not usually all there, then through one action is all open,
unless someone gets a severe genital injury or someone is forcibly raped, or
has a partner for intercourse who is exceptionally rough with them. Even in
those cases it won’t often "break" though parts of it may get torn in
ways it would not otherwise. Instead, it gradually wears away, like water wears
away the surface of a rock over time. But I can absolutely assure you that
getting excited and chatting did not have any impact on your hymen.

Of
course, the tricky part when it comes to a realistic conception of the vagina
is convincing other people, particularly in cultures or communities where that
idea is still pervasive and part of traditions (for instance, they may do
Kukari ki Rasam in your area), and where the truth about female bodies is kept
secret or rarely discussed. However, even in cultures where this idea can still
be widespread, there are people questioning and opposing it and other dubious,
sexist or harmful ideas about or approaches to virginity. For instance, in
India, your National Commission for Women very recently questioned an action that
was based in virginity beliefs and ideals. And international human rights
organizations like Amnesty International — made of people of all cultures —
have also spoken out in the past
about virginity "tests" performed in some areas,
particularly when performed publicly and/or by force.

Virginity,
as we explain
here often at Scarleteen,
is an idea, and
like many ideas, it tends to differ among people.

I don’t
know how you define virginity, nor can I know how anyone you marry or how your
family or community may define it. I’m afraid I can’t tell you how I
define it, because personally, I don’t. The idea of virginity is not one I
myself ascribe to or espouse because, in short, a) it often considers rape to
be sex, stating rape survivors are not virgins b) it doesn’t take people who
are not heterosexual or who have sex lives without intercourse, even after
marriage, into account and c) it’s something that puts a character value or
judgment on a person, usually only a female one, based on their sexual history
alone, which I am not comfortable with and do not feel is respectful of people
in my view.

But I
don’t hear people defining masturbation as being about chatting — in person or
online — or looking at something sexual, nor stating those things have
anything to do with virginity. While those things can be part of what
someone looks at or takes part in when they masturbate, masturbation is defined
as touching one’s own body in some way for sexual gratification. In other
words, if you were not touching yourself during all of this, you were not
masturbating. If you were touching yourself seeking sexual gratification — in
other words, you touched your own body in any number of ways because you felt
the sexual desire to, and it felt sexually good to you to do that — then that
was masturbation. Here’s one link
that talks about ways that women masturbate if you want more information on
that to get a better idea of what that often involves. But just getting wet
from sexual excitement, just talking or looking at pornography or some kind of
sexual video, those are both things which, by themselves, most people do not
define as masturbation.

I don’t
know why you’re going to the bathroom several times a day, but it is unlikely
to be related to any of this. But if you feel you are urinating more often than
is usual for you over several days or longer, and if urinating feels in any way
painful, or if your vaginal discharges have radically changed lately (in color,
in how much of them there is, or in scent), you certainly might consider a
visit with your doctor. Women sometimes develop genital infections without
having had any kind of sex at all, or without getting sexually excited.
Infections like yeast infections or bacterial infections can happen just due to
vaginal imbalances due to the way we have eaten, a soap we washed with,
douching, or changes in the weather or our hormonal or insulin levels. In the
case you do have an infection like one of those, I can assure you it had
nothing to do with the experiences you’re so worried about and feeling ashamed
of, so you also shouldn’t feel you need to tell a doctor about them if you
don’t want to.

I can’t
tell you what is or isn’t okay sexually when it comes to your culture, both
because any one culture often has several different ideas or standards, and
also because the kind of culture you’re in is so different than my own.
Whatever I know about your culture is not the same as being part of it, so I
have not had your same experiences, nor have I, as a Western woman far outside
that culture, felt the same fears and pressures you do. I also can’t tell you
how much or how little to choose to stick with your cultural standards: that’s
always going to be a choice each of us has to make for ourselves, and we’re the
only ones who can know what the right choices are for us. But it is a choice.
There are a lot of things here in the Western world that are pervasive I don’t
cotton with or sign on to, and while I certainly have more freedoms than a
woman in a culture that’s more restrictive to women, you likely do still have
at least some options yourself.

But what
I can say, and I say with respect for all cultures, is that I think it makes a
lot of sense to identify and question double-standards, like the idea that it’s
okay in a given culture for males to think about sex or masturbate before
marriage (or during or without), but not for women. I also think that however
our cultures differ, you and I can probably agree that there’s nothing positive
or of real benefit to you or anyone else in your feeling fearful and ashamed
about your body or your sexual feelings and curiosities. It’s normal for people
of all cultures and genders to be curious about sex, and it’s normal for people
to have sexual desires and the desire to explore sexual curiosity in many
different ways. I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of.

You’ll
want to figure out for yourself what you feel good about and don’t so you can
decide what you’re comfortable doing from here on out. Did you were doing with
the chats and watching videos leave you feeling good enough during those times
and afterwards that you want to keep doing that? Or, did how you felt during
and/or after leave you feeling a way you don’t like? How do you feel
about whatever cultural traditions and ideas you want to be part of work or
don’t with what you’ve been doing? When you think about all of that, you can
figure out if this is something you still want to do or not. My view may well
differ from yours or from that of some in your culture, but in my opinion, if
you feel good about a sexual chat or about masturbating, and those are things
you want to do, there isn’t anything wrong with doing those things, nor do they
have anything to do with a marital relationship you are not yet in or with your
character or how "pure" a person you are or are not.

I also
think we can probably agree that if any of us are being held to certain
standards by others, the very least we deserve is to be informed of what,
exactly, those standards are. So, if you want to stick to your community
standards about virginity until marriage, but aren’t clear what that all means,
what I’d suggest is finding someone who you trust and feel is knowledgeable in
your community and ask them to explain to you what they think it means, and
what the standards you are being held to, or are asked to abide by, are. I know
that it can be scary to ask those kinds of questions, and not everyone is open
to answering them or will answer them without judgment, but I bet you can think
of someone — an aunt, maybe, an older sister or a nurse — who is a good and
safe person for you to ask, who will answer you without shaming you.

I’m going
to leave you with a few more links that relate to the things you have asked
here, and I hope they and my answer here will leave you feeling comforted, able
to get some rest and able to be kind to yourself.

• My Corona: The Anatomy
  Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It
• With Pleasure: A View
  of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
• Honorably Discharged: A
  Guide to Vaginal Secretions
• How can women who sleep
  with women know when they have lost their virginity?
• It’s a Vagina, Not a
  Crystal Ball
• 20 Questions About
  Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank

Looking, Lusting and
Learning: A Straightforward Look at Pornography