Author: Laura Northrup

The Stripper Mobile is a rolling billboard for Tampa’s Déjà Vu gentlemen’s club. It’s a truck that rolls around the city with a glassed-in box in the back where bikini-clad strippers pole dance, gyrate, and distract every driver on the road. The city took the Stripper Mobile off the road because of…problems with the truck’s registration. The city, however, was concerned with the Stripper Mobile’s trips through residential neighborhoods, skimpy bikinis, and vigorous booty-shaking. Now the truck is back, in a much tamer form that will probably still piss people off.

[The club’s manager Eric “Ice”] Terrell says a registration issue has been resolved allowing them to drive the stripper mobile again. He also says after meeting with police they’ve agreed to make some changes. They include having the dancers in the back of the vehicle wear more clothing while performing less suggestive moves.

“No body parts can be exposed and they cannot simulate any sex acts,” Andrea Davis of the Tampa Police Department told 10 Connects.

The truck now can’t hit the road until after 10 PM, can’t visit residential neighborhoods, and the dancers now must wear tiny shorts and a babydoll t-shirt–an outfit that exposes less skin than your average Hooters uniform.

Stripper mobile back on the streets [WTSP]

The police in Washington Township, N.J. have tracked down and arrested the alleged perpetrator of last weekend’s unauthorized PA announcement of “Attention Walmart customers: All black people leave the store now.” It will surprise absolutely no one that the suspect is a 16-year-old boy.

Rafael Muñiz, the Washington Township police chief, said that while the cameras did not record anyone speaking on the public-address system, images did show three people — the suspect, a young man and a woman — standing near the phone just before the announcement and rushing from the store just after it.

Investigators also scoured Facebook, MySpace and YouTube, and found postings, including some that the police chief said involved “kids bragging” about what happened. With the help of anonymous tipsters, he added, investigators were led to the suspect, who was arrested Friday.

“We got lucky,” Chief Muñiz said Saturday at a news conference.

An obnoxious crime solved by a teenager’s compulsive need to brag. Who would have thought?

Arrest in Racial Case at N.J. Wal-Mart [New York Times] (Thanks, GitEmSteveDave!)

PREVIOUSLY:
Walmart Wants To Know Who Made The Racist Announcement Over Their PA System
NJ Walmart To End Racism By Reducing Access To PA System

Sam had an odd experience with FedEx back in February. He writes that when he didn’t come to the door right away, instead of leaving the package on the porch, the deliveryman just opened the door and walked in. This confused Sam a bit, and he wrote to Consumerist asking what he should do.

I just moved into a house, and about two days later (Thursday, Feb.
25) I got the first package delivered to my house. The FedEx delivery
person knocked twice, waited about five seconds, then opened my door
and walked in. I did not let him in, I did not shout “Come in!” or
anything, he just walked in. I was so surprised I just signed for my
package and let him leave without saying anything. Putting aside such
things as “What if I was naked?” what was he doing? What if I wasn’t
there and had forgotten to lock my door? Would I have returned to find
I’d been burglarized, package left nicely on the coffee table? Or do
they assume if the door’s unlocked they can come in and drop the
package off?

Mainly, I’m wondering three things: has anyone else had this happen to
them, should I be worried about this in the future, and should I
report the delivery person to FedEx management?

Sam contacted Fedex customer service, and heard nothing back. A few weeks later, he sent another e-mail, and got this response:

Dear Sam:

Thank you for contacting FedEx. We apologize for any problems you
experienced as a result of this incident.

In an effort to avoid similar incidents in the future, we have advised
FedEx management of what occurred. They are reviewing the situation
and will take any necessary corrective action. Your reference number
is #########.

Again, please accept our apology. We appreciate your notifying us of
this problem, and will do our best to make sure your next experience
with FedEx is more satisfactory.

[redacted]
FedEx Customer Service

In other words, FedEx seems to be taking this incident very seriously. Is that enough? Does Sam even have a right to be upset here?

Jim recently learned that Moen actually believes in the whole “lifetime warranty” thing. Or at least is willing to support their products for ten years. He writes that he contacted the company asking for a specific o-ring to fix his faucet, and instead the company went right ahead and sent him an entire new shower head.

So our Moen shower head started to develop a slight drip. I took it apart to see what i needed to replace to fix it. Simple o-ring had gone bad, not bad on a 10 year old fixture. I sent an email to Moen support, to see if they had the o-ring available.

Was told “Don’t worry sir, we will send you a complete new shower head, it is under warranty for life.” That was Monday afternoon, brand new shower head was this (Thursday) morning. Now that’s customer service!

This isn’t the first we’ve heard of Moen’s awesomeness in customer service. Keep the “above and beyond” flowing!

HDGuru reports that Best Buy is at it again, charging innocent customers for truly unnecessary services. This time, they’re offering to sync your 3D glasses as part of a Geek Squad package to hook up your new 3D TV and Blu-Ray player. Sure, the connection services are logical enough, but the glasses sync thing makes no sense. Why? Because 3D glasses don’t need to be synced.

HD Guru called three Best Buy stores. After confirming each employee received training on 3D TVs and installation services, we asked them to explain the process of “syncing” the 3D glasses. We received three different but oddly similar responses.

Blue shirt one said the glasses need to be synced with the Blu-ray player. The second geek referred to the 3D glasses needing to sync to the player via the USB port within the glasses, an impossible feat as there is no USB port on the glasses. The third stated the need to acquire the glasses’ IP address to sync with the Blu-ray player. There is no IP address for 3D glasses; they have no connectivity to the Internet. The Samsung battery powered glasses “sync” to the 3D content wirelessly via an infra-red pulse emitted by the TV.

We contacted Best Buy’s media relations department and asked why the company offers a fictional service. We are still awaiting a response.

Maybe what they really mean is that they “optimize” the glasses by cleaning the lenses with a nice silk cloth.

Best Buy Offers Bogus 3D Sync Service [HDGuru] (Thanks, Vince and GitEmSteveDave!)

Here’s a helpful piece of advice for Kmart and Sears Holding Company as a whole: if you’re going to issue a coupon valid only for a few stores and post it on your Web site, don’t put the words “valid at all stores” on it. See, there is this thing called the “internet,” which people like to use to share coupons and deals. Customers printed out what looked like a perfectly valid coupon from Kmart’s site, then were treated like criminals and accused of fraud when they actually tried to use those coupons.

The coupon started its life as part of a “Kmart Renaissance” marketing e-mail blast to customers in the New York City, Chicago, and Baltimore metro areas. The coupon link was to a PDF file on Kmart’s servers. Unfortunately, the coupon didn’t actually say that it was restricted to these areas, and all heck broke loose when the PDF link hit deals sites.

Here are some customer stories: posted, appropriately enough, on the wall of Kmart’s Facebook page.

you assholes my mom is 73 years old and got your email “reintroducing” her to kmart and she went through that email and printed her coupon off last night, took it into her store in Minnesota today and your son of a bitch “manager” told her to get out of his store or he was going to call the police on her, called her a… thief and a fraud. you can be sure that first thing monday morning I will be putting complaints into my attorney general, her attorney general, and your attorney general. I’ve already put in a complaint with the BBB and emailed media. this is bullshit.

oh and I’m guessing my mom got the email intended for your pet markets since she moved from new york city a month ago to minnesota.

I drove all the way to K-Mart intending to use this coupon because the coupon specifically stated it was valid for “all locations”. I did my shopping and had all my items rung up only for the cashier to tell me they will not accept this coupon so I let them void out the entire transaction and simply left. So basically …I wasted my time by making a trip to K-Mart not to mention wasting gas driving there. Was this a ploy to get customers into the store only to reject them? It almost sounds like a case of “bait and switch” to me. I hope a class action lawsuit is started over this. I have always been a loyal K-Mart customer but maybe it’s time to start shopping at Target or Wal-Mart.

Kmart posted a statement on the situation on Facebook. Here was their take:

A coupon for $10 off a $20 purchase has had unauthorized circulation and we have had to stop accepting it at most stores. The coupons will still be honored in the intended stores in the New York, Baltimore and Chicago area. We regret any inconvenience this may cause our customers. Thank you for your continued patronage… and we do look forward to sharing other deals and offers with you in the future.

Sorry, Kmart, but you can’t release a coupon on the Internet with no restrictions and not expect it to multiply infinitely. E-mail isn’t like regular mail. If you can’t deal with that, go back to printing great coupons on dead trees and distributing them through the mail and newspapers.

What, if anything, could Kmart do to redeem themselves after this mess?

RELATED:
Hey Domino’s, Thanks For The Coupon That’s Not A Coupon
Cheaters Ruin 1-800-Flowers Chocolate Box Promotion For Everyone
Boston Market Posts $1 Meal Coupon Online: Guess What Happens Next
Online Stores Send Customers Handy Pre-Expired Coupons

Do you have strong feelings for or against Comcast’s proposed acquisition of 51% of NBC/Universal? The FCC has asked for comments from “interested parties,” so if you have anything compelling to say on the matter, here’s where to go.

We at Consumerist are pretty solidly against the deal. Let’s take a look back and remember why.

Let’s Just Look At What Comcast/NBC Would Own

TV Stations: NBC, CNBC, MSNBC, Bravo, Chiller, CNBC World, mun2, Oxygen, Sleuth, Syfy, Universal HD, USA Network, The Weather Channel, E! Entertainment Channel, G4, Golf Channel, PBS Kids Sprout, Style, TV one, Versus, CN8, Exercise TV, FEARnet, AZN Television, a portion of MLB Network.

NBC owned and operated stations in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Philadelphia, Bay Area, Dallas/Fort Worth, Washington, Miami, San Diego, Connecticut.

Telemundo owned and operated stations in Los Angeles, New York, Miami, Houston, Chicago, Dallas/Fort Worth, San Antonio, Las Vegas, San Francisco/San Jose, Phoenix, Fresno, Denver, Boston, Tucson, Puerto Rico.

Film: Universal Pictures, Focus Pictures, Universal Studios Home Entertainment

Internet: Hulu (minority stake), iVillage, NBC.com, CNBC.com, Weather.com

Update: Commenter valen wrote up this guide for submitting your comment. Thanks, valen!

Comment Filing Cheat Sheet:

1. Go to this address: http://fjallfoss.fcc.gov/ecfs/upload/display?z=8odpw (ECFS Express Upload Form)

2. Enter in proceeding number: 10-56

3. Enter in your name, address, and comments.

4. Click “Continue”.

5. Click “Confirm”.

6. Congratuations! You are done. Your comments will be added to the public record for proceeding 10-56 (NBC-Comcast Merger). You should get a filing number which will allow you to track your filing in the future.

To view the current count and a list of all filings, go to: http://fjallfoss.fcc.gov/ecfs/proceeding/view?z=4ypit&name=10-56

COMMISSION SEEKS COMMENT ON APPLICATIONS OF COMCAST CORPORATION, GENERAL ELECTRIC COMPANY, AND NBC UNIVERSAL, INC., TO ASSIGN AND TRANSFER CONTROL OF FCC LICENSES [FCC]
If you’re against Comcast – NBC deal you have about six weeks to let FCC know (via LA Times – thanks, Wayne!)

PREVIOUSLY:
Al Franken Makes Comcast’s CEO Look Like A Tool
Other Cable Companies Are Pissed About The Comcast NBC Merger
Why A Comcast/NBC Merger Is Bad News
Comcast Celebrates Conquest Of NBC With Gifts Of Sh*tty DVDs
NBC & Comcast Had Secret Helicopter Meetings
Comcast One Step Closer To Owning NBC Universal
Comcast May Buy Controlling Stake Of NBC Universal

Chris had a pretty simple request. He writes that he wanted his credit card issuer, Citibank, to save a few trees and save him some legwork, and credit his rewards to his account instead of cutting a check. No one in the Citibank call center hierarchy had the power to make this happen.

I have been a Citibank credit card customer for almost 30 years. I spend thousands of dollars per month with my rewards card and always pay off my account in full. One would think I would be a desirable customer to keep, but they do not seem to want me.

I recently applied to get my rewards which totaled a bit over $680 back. I asked them to credit it to my account and they refused saying they will only issue a check by mail. I found this odd since every other rewards card I have will credit my account when I ask.

A month later my check had not arrived so I called back and talked with a supervisor named Brenda who said she would credit my account since I did not receive the check. A week later I still had not received a credit so I call back this evening. I was again put through to an “account manager” when I asked again to speak to a supervisor. This time I was told that they had mailed me another check because the other supervisors request to get me a credit was denied, because it was against bank policy and there was no way they could credit my account. I told her that if you value me as a customer you will get this done. She again told me it was against their policy to issue credits for rewards. I guess you no longer want me as a customer.

I have several other rewards cards. All of them will issue a credit when I ask because the other banks seem to value my business. Citibank obviously does not.

Maybe the nice people at executive customer service will value Chris’s business more.

Mike tells Consumerist that one of his recent purchases triggered a fraud alert on his credit card account. It’s nice to know that your card issuer is looking out for you, right? This alert was location-based, since he was using his card in Illinois, and the main billing address for the card is in Iowa, where Mike used to live. What he finds confusing about this situation is that he moved to Illinois seven months ago.

I logged onto my account to schedule a payment, it said “Account Restricted” and instructed me to call. I’m not the main account holder, so I contacted her (family) and we did a 3-way call. The CSR said it was a fraud alert and asked me if I authorized a $16 charge at Autozone yesterday. I just put a new washer pump in my car, yes. The CSR then asked if I’m traveling in Illinois. Here’s the punchline: I moved here last August. Seven months later, with that card being my sole source of transactional funds for seven months, they flag a purchase in Illinois as potentially fraudulent. Yes, the main account holder is still in Iowa, and the billing address is still in Iowa, but their algorithm looked past seven months of purchases and only identified a rather small one as potentially fraudulent. Does anybody know what else would trigger such a flag?

I don’t care to name the company in question. I like that they’re trying to stop fraud. I doubt that random idiocy from algorithms is all that uncommon with any issuer.

$1,600 worth of fuzzy dice at Autozone, we can see how that would trigger a fraud alert. But $16? Any banking or fraud experts out there want to tackle this?

Consumerists, I think we’ve been wrong about this Grocery Shrink Ray thing all along. We’ve long believed that companies deploy the Grocery Shrink Ray to imperceptibly decrease the amount of product in a package without customers noticing. But maybe–just maybe–there’s a higher purpose. Maybe they’re trying to save us from consuming a precious few calories and use social engineering to get us to snack less over time until at some point we’re hardly snacking at all. Consider this exhibit: the shrinking Double Gulp cups at Chris’s local 7-11 in Maryland.

It appears that the local 7-11 I’ve been going to for some time has employed the good old Grocery Shrink Ray on their “Double Gulp” brand of Fountain Sodas. I have been getting them there since they where originally put out in the heavy Wax paper folding cups and they have 64 ounces of liquid for a long time.

The new cups, pictured in the examples I’ve sent, are very pretty looking with the see-through plastic but are CLEARLY much smaller then the original cups. I do not have an exact fluid ounce on the new cups because they are not labeled like the old cups have been. The price however still remains the same for less liquid refreshment as I’ve also
attached from my Cellphone.

I hope the information is useful, I love it when places do this and think no one will notice. Great way to save money, same price, less drink!

Keep up the excellent work and fighting the good fight!

On the other hand, this theory doesn’t account for diet soda. So maybe it’s that “profits” thing after all.

UPDATE: Reader fantomesq noticed that this might be a popular topic, since it’s an entire category on 7-11’s complaint page.

Our sister publication ShopSmart asked their readers today what they think of grocery store self-checkout systems. Would you rather stand and watch someone else scan and bag your groceries, or do you prefer to buy your Oreos and hemorrhoid cream without another soul knowing?

Anthony Giorgianni over at Consumer Reports Money ranted,

I predict stores soon will eliminate cashiers altogether, and we’ll have row after row of miffed shoppers in constant battle with machines, mechanical versions of Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi, proclaiming, “No produce for you!”

I like that the human cashier knows exactly what to do if I have a receipt for bottle returns, if the credit card machine can’t read my card, or if I’m eligible for a discount because I brought my own canvas bag, as I like to do.

And what about the jobs lost to those machines? Cashier is one of those good, honest jobs, the kind of job on which so many depend. For teenagers, it’s often the job that introduces them to the responsibilities of joining the working world.
Now, instead of hiring real people, the stores are expecting me to do the work – and for no pay.

I started shopping regularly at a grocery store that has only its four self-checkout kiosks open starting around 9:00 PM. I thought I would hate this, but it’s growing on me. I can get in and out a lot faster when making one of my typical small late-night purchases.

Do you prefer self-checkout? Do you avoid it at all costs? Do you wish that stores would give you a tiny discount for using the system, as they do for customers who bring their own bags?

Grocery store self-checkout: Love it or hate it? [ShopSmart]
Supermarket self-checkout: No thanks, I already have a job [Consumer Reports Money]

Are you excited about the launch of the iPad? Do you like cheese? Take your brand loyalty to new and disturbing levels by sculpting the head of Steve Jobs in cheese. Cheese Steve is made out of mozzarella, black pepper, and my nightmares. It’s odd to celebrate the iconic CEO of a company by sculpting what looks like his embalmed corpse in soft cheese.

I guess it’s still better than the Windows 7 orgy that Microsoft wanted people to have.

Steve Jobs Cheese Head [The Cooks’ Den] (via Dumb as a Blog)

Some car dealerships and lenders have equipped cars with devices that disable the ignition or make the horn honk nonstop when payments are late. We wrote about this last year, but didn’t realize that the interface has fantastic potential for pranks. And that’s how a laid-off car dealership employee was allegedly able to disable the ignitions of more than 100 cars purchased from the dealership. Or set off their horns in the middle of the night.

“We initially dismissed it as mechanical failure,” says Texas Auto Center manager Martin Garcia. “We started having a rash of up to a hundred customers at one time complaining. Some customers complained of the horns going off in the middle of the night. The only option they had was to remove the battery.”

The dealership used a system called Webtech Plus as an alternative to repossessing vehicles that haven’t been paid for. Operated by Cleveland-based Pay Technologies, the system lets car dealers install a small black box under vehicle dashboards that responds to commands issued through a central website, and relayed over a wireless pager network. The dealer can disable a car’s ignition system, or trigger the horn to begin honking, as a reminder that a payment is due. The system will not stop a running vehicle.

Police were able to track the culprit through his home IP address, meaning that in spite of Wired’s headline, he wasn’t much of a “hacker.”

Hacker Disables More Than 100 Cars Remotely [Wired]

RELATED
Payment Late? Lenders Can Remotely Disable Your Car

Silly Mike. He thought that by booking seats in the bulkhead row next to each other on well ahead of time for his flights to and from Tokyo on United later this week, he would actually get to sit in those seats. Instead, he writes, United’s customer service changed the plane type for their flight long after he reserved his tickets. Yet the airline somehow managed to not re-book seats for Mike and his wife at all. When he called to straighten things out, the airline put them on a different flight not sitting together and took away their precious bulkhead seats. United’s representatives don’t see why Mike has a problem with any of this.

Since we no longer have the personal cell phone number of Graham Atkinson, United’s executive vice president, Mike settled for sending him an e-mail, which he copied to Consumerist.

I booked two tickets to Tokyo on United, paid the extra upgrades of $400 for economy plus because I could buy bulkhead seats for me and my wife, received confirmation, seat assignments, everything. I leave on Friday.

Today, two days before I leave, I check again and see I have *NO* seat assignments, not even in economy plus. She said that the computer automatically does this and reassigns people because of an equipment change, but when I asked her why were were not reassigned, she had no answer. I am also a star alliance preferred flyer.

I called and talk to a confrontational yet dispassionate CSR manager in Chicago who says she will put me on a later flight out of Tokyo on the way home, but my wife and I will

1. Not have bulkhead on any flights as we had confirmed.
2. Not sit together
3. Be sitting in the middle seats apart from each other
4. Arrive back home later than previously booked.

She actually said, “either you accept this or you can show up at the airport in Tokyo with no seat assignments.”

I feel like a fool and am not sure what to do. I thought the point of paying *EXTRA* for those seats was to get them and to be able to know that I would sit next to my wife on this long flight and have more room for my long legs.

I could have (and should have) booked a cheaper flight with [All Nippon Airways] I guess.

I was totally floored how I was treated by United. I was treated with complete indifference with no remorse, as if I was truly their prisoner and would take what was given me. I asked if they would compensate me with an upgrade or something and was told they do not do that and wouldn’t even give me access to the Red Carpet club as a way of compensation.

I feel pushed to the edge here as I embark on this flight. Could United make this trip and my experience any more stressful? I paid almost 40% more for these tickets that are now completely devalued in my eyes and United couldn’t care less about the situation.

Curiously, Mr. Atkinson’s old title was Chief Customer Officer, but United doesn’t have anyone in that position anymore. Draw whatever conclusions you like from that.

RELATED:
Don’t Bother Calling In With Complaints, United Is Disconnecting The Phone
We Accidentally Post United Exec’s Cellphone Number

Dell has given up even pretending to be subtle. They’ve just gone ahead and call their offer of in-home programming for your Logitech Harmony remote control what it is–an upsell.

What does that $150 get you?

On-site Service: Harmony Remote Programming is designed for home users, service includes:

• Set up a User ID and Password that will be given to the customer as a log-in web user
• Program Harmony remote control for up to 8 devices and 6 activities
• Test remote control to insure all devices are working properly
• Provide a maximum fifteen (15) minute basic review of service as summarized in checklist

Thanks for not insulting our intelligence by calling this a “special offer” or other nonsense that just means “upsell,” Dell!

Harmony Remote Programming Upsell [Dell] (Thanks, Nahuel!)

Have you ever secretly wished that the subway platform you were waiting on could be transformed into a comfy living room? Or at least a living room furnished by IKEA? For another week, you can experience just that in four stops on Paris’s Métro system. Instead of molded plastic seats, have a seat on an Ektorp couch!

According to the Wall Street Journal:

Paris’ St. Lazare, Champs-Elysées Clémenceau, Concorde, and Opéra subway stations have been “invaded,” or so says the brand. The concept behind the campaign is akin to a test drive. Passengers in transit can, via the “bum test,” experiment with the comfort and durability of IKEA’s Ektorp and Kalstad couches and Brasa floor lamps.

Agence 14 Septembre, a communications group that specializes in architecture and design, collaborated with IKEA on the experiential initiative, which runs until March 24.

No word on how the platform couches rate for napping. There is probably a strict no-napping policy.

IKEA squatte le métro [Flickr] (via Pedestrian.tv)
Ikea Invades the Paris Metro [WSJ]

Whoever wrote up this Macaroni Grill guest check apparently looked at the customers waiting for the order, then called it as they saw it.

Our tipster writes:

My brother and his friends went to Macaroni Grill this weekend. They ordered to go and came back 15 minutes later to pick up their order, but they forgot to put their name, so the wonderful employees of the Macaroni Grill put the following on their receipt.

Pretty funny, but we’ve seen worse.

Have you ever wondered what a McDonald’s Happy Meal looks like after it’s sat on a shelf (not in a freezer) for a year? This seems like one of those things I would learn accidentally, but writer Nonna Joann Bruso decided to find out on purpose.

The results? Not as disgusting as you might think, which itself is sort of disgusting.

She wrote:

It smelled delicious for a few days. I’d get a whiff of those yummy French fries every time I walked into my office. After a week or so, you could hardly smell it. My husband worried that when the food began to decompose, there would be a terrible odor in our home. He also worried the food would attract ants and mice. He questioned my sanity.

NOPE, no worries at all. My Happy Meal is one year old today and it looks pretty good. It NEVER smelled bad. The food did NOT decompose. It did NOT get moldy, at all.

The pitiful, slightly pained expression on the Littlest Pet Shop dog included with the meal says it all.

Happy Birthday to My Happy Meal [Baby Bites] (Thanks, Michelle!)

Michael found this festive “I Rish I Was Drunk” button in an Old Navy store earlier this month. The fine print at the bottom warns, “Not intended for 12 years and under.” Ages thirteen and up? Pass the Guinness, apparently.

“I wouldn’t want my 13 year old wearing the pin,” grumbles Michael.

Is this an overprotective safety warning about the sharpness of button backings on the part of Old Navy, or a horrible insight into the drinking habits of America’s middle schoolers?

Tristan tells Consumerist that his Zune was about two years old and out of warranty when it began leaking battery acid on his hand. Appalled at the options that regular customer service offered, he used techniques from the Consumerist toolbox and empowered himself. He used our guide to crafting an Executive E-mail Carpet Bomb, and found contact information for Microsoft executives on the site as well. Getting his case in front of a person with actual authority earned Tristan a free repair of his obviously defective Zune.

I just wanted to write you guys a quick note to say thanks. I had a problem recently with my 80GB Zune whereby it started unexplainably leaking battery acid. Thinking it was just some sort of water, I took off its case and wiped it with my hand, and shortly thereafter started to feel a small burning pain—like when you got some HCl on you in a chemistry lab. I at first didn’t know what to make of the feeling—thinking it must be in my head. Then after I gave it some thought—it dawned on me that the only way any liquid could’ve gotten into the case I’ve had it in since I bought it about 2 years ago is if it was already in the case—and the only liquid already in the case is battery acid.

I called tech support and I’ve attached the email I sent to Microsoft’s executives which about explains the story fully. I attached some pics that show my Zune, untouched by the world—and yet still with erosive damage on its lower left corner.

Not a day after I sent out that email, I received an email from a member of Microsoft Zune’s Level 2 Escalation team that said he’d call me on Feb 17th. He called and left a message just as he said he would. When I called Microsoft back later that night after classes got out, they not only moved my call to Level 2 at my request, they found the same gentleman who had initially called me and he personally handled my case.

He informed me he was worried about the liquid situation as the only liquid he could think of that would come from the Zune was battery acid. He said I should see a doctor to make sure I was alright, and further—that he would issue me a postage-paid box ASAP and waive all charges on the repair of my Zune.

I used my Live account, in case Microsoft filtered out certain providers (as I read mass emails sometimes got bounced back). And lastly, [email protected] did bounce, maybe he doesn’t work there anymore?

I couldn’t have done it without you guys, thanks for all the tips throughout the website and the email addresses of Microsoft’s CEOs.

Here’s Tristan’s great letter:

Dear Microsoft Executives,

My name is Tristan [lastname] and I am a student at the [redacted]. I have, for many years been an avid fan of Microsoft products,
owning a number of computers, two with Windows 7 Ultimate and two with Vista
Business, an XBOX, a Windows Phone, and a Zune, as well as enjoying the
quality of many of Windows Live services on a day to day basis. When I
worked with a company needing a solution to networking their corporate
computers, I also didn’t hesitate to push Microsoft’s line of software to
power their network. Recently I have begun to experience a problem with my
Zune, one which I have owned for 2 years. This is where my ghastly customer
service experience began.

On February 10th, 2010, I noticed a small amount of liquid in the Zune’s
clear case that I have kept it in since I purchased it. It was a small
splash on the lower left corner. I figured I had spilt something on it, and
that I would take off the plastic cover to clean it. When I removed it, I
wiped it with my finger to find that it was semi-gelatinous. I continued to
clean it until I felt a stinging on my finger where I wiped the substance.
Remembering safety procedures from Chemistry labs, I diluted the acid with
water and ultimately washed it from my hands, where it ultimately left a
small white mark on the finger I used to clean it.

I called customer service on the morning of February 11, 2010 and spoke with
R. at 11:54 AM ET (Case Number: [redacted]) about the problem. She
asked me for the unit’s serial number ([redacted]) and once provided it
she informed me that the unit was no longer in warranty and that I could 1)
Purchase a new unit, 2) Find a third party to repair the defective battery,
or 3) “Upgrade” my device. The upgrade procedure she described to me was
insulting. I was informed I could send Microsoft my current 80GB Zune
player and receive a refurbished 4GB model for the fee of 69.99 or a
refurbished 80GB model for 159.99. I was also told the refurbished models
would come with a 90-day warranty. I thanked her and we ended the call as I
was appalled that this option was even mentioned.

I called back at 12:32 PM ET minutes later and spoke with C. (same
Case Number: [redacted]) who informed me R. had incorrectly noted I had
spilt acid on my Zune which had caused the device not to work. I informed
her of the actual problem, and after a few minutes she informed me of the
same three options at which time I asked for her supervisor. At 12:43 I
spoke with Jean who stated there was nothing Microsoft could do for me as
the warranty had been expired. I told her I would like it noted that this
is a problem hazardous to my person, and in the event I was burned by the
acid I would be contacting New York State’s Attorney General to file with
them charges of negligence. Her response was the she would note that, but
that there was nothing she could do for me.

I can understand if a warranty against breakage expires after 1 year of
ownership. If I had dropped the player and the screen broke, I would not
expect any support from Microsoft. The fact is though, the battery does not
experience any wear and tear as it is protected by a case, the shell of the
player, and undoubtedly a good deal of padding. This defect, which is
hazardous to my person, is not what I expected from Microsoft when I bought
my player for 200.00 a little under 2 years ago and the service options I
received were insulting at best-paying 70.00 plus shipping to have Microsoft
send me a MP3 player 76GB smaller than the one I presently own which is in
immaculate condition with the exception of this defective battery.

I would like Microsoft to exchange this defective unit, whose shell and case
are being damaged as we speak by the acid which has leaked out since
yesterday.

Thank you for your time and help with this matter.

Respectfully,

Tristan

Great letter. Tristan outlined his relationship with the company, explained why the situation and Microsoft’s proposed solutions were unacceptable, and proposed a solution.