Author: Raspberry Stethoscope

My “tweet” button on twitter won’t work, so I cannot post anything. Frustrating.

In other news, I am sad:( I had to bring Max this morning to the vet for a teeth cleaning. I was so nervous for him because he’s a scaredy-cat. Well, the vet called and said it went good, they did have to do a few extractions, but before the procedure, he pooped/peeped himself in the crate from being so scared!! she said they had to shave his behind a bit:( I’m so sad!!! I know it is important for his teeth to stay healthy because he has FIV, but I wonder if it is worth it to put him through so much stress.
Poor little guy. I can pick him up after 3pm. I hope he doesn’t hate me.

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Edit: It’s been a few hours since Max has been home and he is doing great. It was so sad/cute when I first saw him. I paid and then went into the room to see him sitting in his carrier facing the door. I said, “Hi, Max” in my normal voice and he let out one of his cute high pitched meows. Everyone was like awww. I wanted to cry! I love my Max:(

They had to do 3 small extractions, but nothing major. His teeth and gums look so much better; less red and no more tartar. He needs to be on antibiotics for the next week prophylactically.
I actually went out and bought him a scratching post. Hope he uses it.

Here is Max practicing his tricks from the other day. He hasn’t quite mastered “lay down,” yet, but we’re getting there…

Although it is no where near perfect, I am happy that we finally got health care reform rolling. Besides the main parts of the bill, such as insurance coverage, etc., I think it is also important to note one cool part of it: a NATIONAL MENU LABELING POLICY! 
Now, any chain of restaurant with more than 20 sites will need to have nutritional information posted on their menus, etc.  It is section 4205 of the bill, if you want to read it:

Well, my lovely 4 days off is coming to an end. I did exactly as planned and what I wanted: absolutely nothing. Sometimes you just need some days to sit around and do NOTHING.

Ok, I didn’t just sit in the house the entire time. I did accomplish a few things. I ate dinner with my parents, brother, and Mirza on St. Patrick’s Day. And yesterday, I refinanced my auto loan from 11% rate to 5%! Gotta love credit unions. My initial rate was so high because of my limited credit history. I had to take what I could get from a bank. I do not have credit card debt, but at the time (one year ago this month), I did not have many lines of credit. I worked hard over the year to change that and now my credit score is in the 730’s, which I am happy about. Still, the only thing “against” me is my short history. I guess we all start somewhere, right? I’m happy that I finally joined the credit union associated with my hospital though.

For breakfast this morning, I made some banana oatmeal with blackberries:

For dinner, I wanted to use up as many CSA veggies as possible; that, and I’ve been eating like ca-ca the last week (aka–I made cake…), so I made a purple kale and white bean soup.  I added red potatoes to mine and we enjoyed it with some nice crusty bread. I picked up a loaf of this artisan whole grain from the local “health food” store. It is a local bread.
No real photos, sorry.

However, I packed my lunch for tomorrow, which will include:
Morning: greek yogurt with blackberries, honey, cinnamon, granola.
Lunch: left over soup, hummus with pita chips, pineapple, “ants on a log.”

Hopefully it will all fit in my bag!:)
I’m working the weekend :^p. I’m off to bed shortly. I bought some new sheets with a higher thread count, so I cannot wait to slide into my nice, soft bed.

Death.

For a non-believer in things such an all-powerful god or magical make-believe places you go when you die, death is a perplexing concept to me.

When I’m standing in the back of the ICU room of a patient recently given the designation of Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)/ Comfort Measures Only (CMO), with the monitors facing the opposite of the families, and anxiously waiting for the ECG rhythm to go asystole so I can print a strip for time of death, I’m more than likely in another world. Besides the fact that I am trying to emotionally distance myself from the situation for fear that I will go sit next to the 84 year old sobbing husband holding his dying wives hand and break down with him, I am also questioning everything about life. Everything is just so…fleeting. And when the patient finally passes, and the times comes to remove all of the lines, tubes, and dressings, I just look at the lifeless person and wonder, “Where ARE they? Where did they go!?” You almost expect them to blink or move at any moment, but they do not.

And I find it hard to not cry. There is a fine line between being professional and also being a caring professional nurse and providing families with adequate comfort/grief. I don’t want to cry in front of them, yet I don’t want to seem…cold? Deep down, I’m thinking, “fuck, this sucks.” Honestly.

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Another tidbit: last week when one of my patient’s died, just moments later, the lullaby music played on the overhead indicating that a baby was born. I immediately sung in the my head, “And babies are born in the same buildings where people go to pass away…”
2:46

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I was browsing you tube videos to try and find a video about ICU nurses to give an accurate image of what I do at my job. I happened to come across this instead. I don’t know the song, personally, but the video is well-done. For someone who has actually watched the monitor as someone dies, I find the music to be a good interpretation.

I also love this story done by CBS a few months ago about the cost of dying:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/11/19/60minutes/main5711689.shtml

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Made a lovely chocolate cake today. Enjoyed it warmed with moose-tracks ice cream:)

Sorry, I’m feeling a bit emo at the moment…:)

Organized my kitchen today and stocked the pantry.

It was a disaster.

Before:

(don’t judge!)


After:

There’s more, but I don’t want to bore everyone…

I am actually using my pantry for food now, as opposed to…garbage?? I also went on a huge grocery shopping spree to stock up on “pantry” items, like beans, sauces, salsas, etc. I’m sick of being at the store so much.
I also purchased: new measuring spoons/cups, towels for the kitchen, cutting boards, toothpick holder, silverware organizer, new oven mit, etc.

I don’t know what happened, but yesterday around 5pm, I got so tired. Mirza and I were downtown eating organic wraps from Central cafe and organics, then stopped at my mom’s, and finally to home. I kicked off my shoes, grabbed the blanket off the couch, and literally fell onto the bed. Mirza said he was going to the store for dessert and bread. I slept like a rock. Finally, at 8:30pm, he came into the room and it woke me up. He went into the bathroom and I must have been dreaming of work because I seriously thought to myself, “um, Mirza really needs to get out of the bathroom and come check a gas on me” (ABG–when we check people’s blood for pH, CO2, HCO3, etc when they’re ventilated, etc). Apparently Mirza is now RT?

I’m not too sure why I was so tired either.
It could have been the day before at work finally catching up with me.

I knew the day would be long when I saw the code cart inside my patient’s room to start my shift.

We had a 40 year old who decided to shoot up in her ankles. She got arterial occlusions and subsequently septic. They had the ekos machine on trying to bust up the clots, but get this…her pH on the ABG was 6.7

ummm, incompatible with life much?
All day her pressure had been in the 40’s, 50’s…sometimes 60’s. We were maxed out on levophed and she was getting a liter of fluid an hour. Based on her ABG and what not, there wasn’t much else we could do because she was going to die. Her glucose was 13. However, we really did not want to code her because it would be futile. We just tried to keep her hanging on as long as possible until her sister drove down from another state to hopefully make her a DNR/CMO (comfort measures only–when we withdraw everything and give morphine for pain and ativan for anxiety/fear).

We spoke to her on the phone early in the morning. Told her she probably wouldn’t make it the next hour, but she lasted the entire shift. She probably had like 15,000 liters of fluid, also 5 amps of D50, I gave her an amp of epi just for the hell of it, etc.

We waited outside the door because we wanted to catch the sister before she walked in. Her sister would be unrecognizable. From all of the fluids and the fact that she had to lay flat due to her BP, her entire head was swollen probably twice the size. Her eyeballs were literally the size of…tennis balls? Swollen shut. And we didn’t get the bite block in time, so she began biting down on her tongue. We finally got it in, but now her mouth kept filling up with blood. It was truly disgusting.

Of course, when her sister saw, she became distraught. Long story short, we made her DNR/CMO. We discontinued all of the fluids, medications, gave her morphine, ativan, and took out the ETT tube around 1735. She officially went asystole at 1746, but we all knew she was already dead long before that.
Moral of the story: drugs are stupid.

Guess what?? My manager came up to me today to “congratulate” me. I asked for what? And she said they picked me to receive the scholarship to attend the NTI and Critical Care Exposition Conference in Washington, DC this May!!

I totally thought they picked someone else since I had not heard anything!

I am soooooooOOOooo happy and thrilled!!!!! I really need this enthusiasm again for my career.

She said that 7 people applied, too from all over the different campuses.

And then, one of the women who was on the panel came by and said that everyone read my essay and it was UNANIMOUS! She said everyone picked my essay (it was a blind-study type thing)!! I cannot believe it. I’m so happy:):)

Just came back from a tortuous bike ride. The temperature in Florida lately has been so wacky. Usually, the high around this time of year is about 74, but the high has been in the 50’s. I haven’t been riding because it is cold for me. Well, I decided that enough was enough and I would go out to brave the cold.

…

it sucked!
The wind was terrible. I was pushing so hard that my head started to hurt and my stomach, too. I made myself ride for about a half hour, but it sucked. I was on the Pinellas trail, too, so I had to keep going over huge hill overpasses. I had to walk up one because my legs were just lead.
I doubt I could do a triathlon. I have no stamina for anything and I get out of breath way too quickly. Luckily, I know my heart is okay since last year, my doctor heard a carotid bruit and made me have a carotid ultrasound, echo, ekg, and an MRA. All showed that my vessels are obviously clean, but just twisty (my HDL is over 85, so I highly doubted I had plaque build up). I was sinus, and my echo showed my EF was good and no regurge or anything significant. Still, I wonder if I get SOB more than most sometimes?

I really need some ideas for dinner.
I’m totally in a food rut. I did pick up my veggies from the CSA yesterday, which included carrots, red mustard, some weird bokchoy with flowers (apparently the chef’s requested it), another lettuce, and a dozen eggs. Mirza made omelette’s last night, so I’m not in the mood for that again. Also, I am working the next two days and would like something for leftover lunches.

The eggs are perfectly imperfect. Actual free-range, organic. All different shapes and sizes.

Any dinner ideas? Do you ever get in food ruts? It’s like nothing sounds appealing for some reason.

Two small dilemmas on my mind:

#1 is not so much of a dilemma, but I will still discuss it, anyway.

I’ve calculated that in September, I should probably have enough hours to take my CCRN. I kind of hinted this to the nurse I am working with and she was like, “nah, you should really get a good 2-3 years experience and then take it.”
To me, it seems like if I am studying for this exam over the next months, then I am only increasing my knowledge base and helping me become a better ICU nurse. If I meet the minimum requirement (1750 hours in ICU), then I qualify just like everyone else, right? Either way, I went ahead and ordered the DVD’s and will start studying. It has always been my goal to get my CCRN, and I also want to go back to school part time for my Master’s and get a start on that, so I would like to have it prior to my application, as well, but certainly that is not my sole reason for wanting it since I would still need to keep up with CE’s. I’m just going to do what I want…

#2
Mirza is (supposed to) graduate next May with a BS in Music Education. I had planned on starting my MSN program in January.
However, given his degree and the economy, I’m thinking realistically that we may need to relocate for him to find a job.
Should I wait until he is finished and know for sure what is going on before I start school? I’m just worried that I will start my program and then we might have to move or something. I’d rather have him settle with his job…does this make sense? The only thing is that I want to start school sooner rather than later, but more experience in the ICU is never a bad thing, either. Also, I’m not the kind of person to keep putting off school because I love it and actually miss it (hence the excitement for studying for my CCRN).

I’m a planner, if you can’t tell.

Any thoughts?

pain
I’ve had a headache all morning. Does anyone else suffer from headaches/migraines? I tend to get cluster and tension headaches, on one side of my head, or focused behind one eye. I seem to get one every week, if not more. Last week I suffered a headache at work and at one point started to see stars before I asked a coworker for medicine. If you opened my “medicine” cabinet, you will only find one medicine, and that is Excedrin extra strength migraine. I rarely take anything because I’m rarely sick, but when it comes to headaches, I try to give it a few hours before I give into the powers of the pharmaceuticals.

bummer
Well, it looks like I did not get that scholarship to attend the critical care conference. I haven’t heard anything, so I am taking that to mean it was given to someone else. Bummer.
Also, my glo bars arrived yesterday, but I was at work so they brought them to the manager’s office, but it is Sunday and they’re closed, so now I need to wait until tomorrow~ argh.

work
I had snake bite guy back yesterday. He had been on the ventilator a lot longer than expected because of a nasty pneumonia, followed by a self-extubation and re-intubation the day previously. I was anxious to get him extubated to hear the story of how one gets bit on the tongue by a snake, but I kind of already figured how. He pretty much said it was just a “dick” move on his part that he wishes he could forget. He was messing with the snake…a wild snake. He’ll be fine. In the morning before extubating him, we did a sedation vacation and he was acting appropriate, so we told him he was bit in the tongue by a snake, he was in the hospital, etc. He nodded to each account. Finally, the nurse I am working with said, “And the snake is dead,” to which his eyes got wide and he pouted his bottom lip. It was funny.

Hoping to spend some quality time with Mirza and see a movie. I haven’t been on a bike ride in awhile due to the unusually cold weather. I could have gone today, but my head was killing me. It is beautiful out right now. Probably in the low 60’s, sun shining, and clear sky.

My mother got me tickets for my birthday to see Wicked. It was AMAZING!! I loved loved loved it. And Mirza did, too, despite the giant hair bush right in front of his view. We were in the orchestra, row P, right in the middle, so I loved the seats.
My favorite part of the show was the last song of Act I (“Defying Gravity”) and then Elphaba (the Wicked Witch) flies up in the air. It’s a powerful performance.

(not my photos)

Supposedly today they are going to let the “winners” of the scholarship know if they got it. I’m not sure if they will be calling or what, but I hope I get it. I would LOVE to go to Washington, DC even if it is by myself. And to go to a conference for critical care nurses who are all excited about their careers? I feel like I need to feel and see this enthusiasm again about nursing. I’m doubting I did get it. I turned in my packet two days before the due date, but my manager only gave me the letter of recommendation the day prior and I had to put it through the hospital’s mail system. She assured me it would get there in time and she also let them know to be on the look out for it. But I am paranoid.

Another thing I am waiting for today: my Glo Bars!!! They were supposed to arrive yesterday, and the UPS has already been by twice taunting me. grrrrrr!

Updates to follow if I hear anything..:/

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ps: Just got my tickets to see DMB in July!! woooooo. I saw them once a few years ago, so we’ve been wanting to see them again. Cannot wait!

The past few days at work have been good. I am going with the flow, like I said, and learning to benefit from my preceptor’s knowledge and organizational skills for the next two weeks.

Of course, they are giving us the sickest patients.

Probably the most amusing:

40 something male who came in with a diagnosis of poisonous snake bite. Now, this might seem run of the mill…until you find out where he was bit.

Yes. The tongue. How does someone get bit on the tongue by a copperhead snake? Let’s just say his blood alcohol level was elevated upon admission.

And what does a bite on the tongue from a poisonous snake get you? You guessed it! A wonderful stay in the Intensive Care Unit and a complimentary endotracheal tube, making it easier and convenient for you to breathe and…live!

Yesterday was a good day at work. I do not care anymore about my last post. I’m just going to take advantage and go with the flow.

In other news, yesterday was my SEVEN year Anniversary with Mirza!! To celebrate, here are some pictures over the past seven years:

From 18 and in high school….to 25 and all grown-up (not!)…

Probably the first picture taken of us together. How dorky!

I have a bunch of photos from 2003-2005, but they’re printed out and in an album.

Thanksgiving ’05

2 year anniversary collage:

I’m feeling pretty bummed to put it lightly. Honestly, probably depressed would be the right word. I do not want to get into it because it is work related.
ugh.

Sometimes I just wish I did something easier. Why couldn’t I have picked something fun for my career? you know, like cupcake maker, or…I don’t know.
I do not expect to be posting for the next week or maybe two? I might, but I just feel like complete…bla.

I wish I could just have kids and be a stay at home mom. Screw work. Screw the women’s movement (not really)! In all seriousness, though….:(

Anyone go through phases when you feel really good and enthusiastic about your work, and then totally doomed and want nothing to do with it?

((Edited. Deleted))

We’ll be celebrating my birthday this Saturday at my mom’s (I work thurs/fri), but Mirza and I took the day to ourselves to hang out and celebrate my 25th year!:)

Mirza wanted to take me out for my birthday, so I decided I wanted to go to Leafy Greens cafe. If you remember, we went there in October.

I must say, this was a wonderful birthday. Mirza brought me out to lunch, also got me a cute stuffed bunny. His mom gave me a big basket full of beautiful hand towels for the bathroom, some pretty magnets for the fridge, recipe cards, blank card pack, etc. She always gives cute gifts.
I love my knives! I needed them so badly. I couldn’t even cut a butternut squash with my dull-ass knives.

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In other non-birthday related news, yesterday at my flat tire course (bike), I met two women who are training for a triathlon! I mentioned the one in June for my hospital and they agreed they want to do it, too and they invited me to train with them!
We’re going for a bike ride at Fort Desoto this Saturday. It’s going to be so fun! They are also members of Mad Dogs, a triathlon club in our city, and they start having open water swims in March!
So, it is official, I AM GOING TO DO A SPRINT TRIATHLON!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday

to me!

I decided for breakfast to eat something totally healthy and hearty. I normally will have kashi oatmeal or some other organic or “all natural” brand of packet oatmeal. Let’s face it, though, they’re full of sugar. I’ve been trying to find a recipe that doesn’t have any extra sugar. Usually, the ones that don’t, just taste like…BLA!
Well, Niki posted a link to her Banana oatmeal and I must say, it was amazing!
The perfect amount of sweetness.
I used almond milk for my liquid and for toppings: a little bit of granola for crunch, peanut butter, and strawberries:

Hello everyone!

Today has kind of felt…meh. I mean, nothing bad, but I did drive around a lot and it is tiring (and infuriating, people suck at driving; we have incredibly busy roads). I drove to Dunedin to turn in my packet for the scholarship to attend NTI in DC. I hope I get it! I’ll find out by the 26th.

After, I decided to go donate blood. I am O-, so they are always in critical need.

I love the cheesy shirts they give for donating:

(what the hell kind of rhythm is that?^^^)

My flat tire course for my bike is in one hour, woo!

Felt like I had been consuming a lot of sugar lately, so I knew that tonight had to be all about the vegetables.

Decided to make roasted vegetables with polenta and feta cheese.

Pre-cooking:

I love my bike!!

Just had to get that off my chest.

I woke up this morning and decided to drive to Fort Desoto  for a bike ride!

I fueled with my normal oatmeal and peanut butter toast for breakfast.

And then I bundled up. I actually went out last night and bought leggings to wear under my padded shorts. So hideous! But they kept my legs warm.

It was in the 40’s and windy, but the SUN was shining.

haha, I can be dramatic.

ps: I turn 25 in 2 days!! scary

I was talking to my sister about someday doing a triathlon and I mentioned the one in June from my hospital and when I told her it was a sprint, she was even more on board with me doing it. I reallllllly would want to, but am scared.
-I hate to run. I have tried to like it, even love it. I just…SUCK.
-I am scared of the open water. But I know with all those people thrashing around, that I won’t get eaten by anything.
-AAAAH.

I’ve been researching couch to sprint triathlon programs, but all of them seem so confusing, I just don’t get it. I have 19 weeks until the June 27th triathlon…http://bit.ly/9vQEG9. 
Should I do it?
help!