Mereja

Author: Sara – NYU

  • Tuffy Luv Talks PDA

    Got a question for Tuffaleh?! Email her at [email protected] for answerundos.

    Dear Tuffy Luv,

    I just started dating a boy over the past couple months and everything has been going really well. As of late though, we have started having little arguments mainly over the same thing: he doesn’t like public displays of affection. Like, any. We can’t hold hands in public and even if I haven’t seen him in days, I can’t even kiss him on the cheek.

    This wouldn’t be that big of a deal except that he feels completely comfortable breaking this rule at certain times. Every once and awhile, he’ll start a spur-of-the-moment makeout session in public. This only leaves me completely confused. If I ever initiate something, it’s a big problem. But when he does it, there is no problem. He’s also completely comfortable being platonically affectionate with his female friends (hugging or cuddling with them). He can’t seem to make up his mind and I just end up feeling confused and rejected. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

    Sincerely,
    Hot & Cold

    Dear Hot & Cold,

    Red flag!!! “He’s also completely comfortable being platonically affectionate with his female friends (hugging or cuddling with them).” RED. FREAKIN. FLAG.

    This is not a guy who happens to be conservative. Cuz, frankly, Tuffy might find that a little sweet. No no no, this is a guy who wants to be in charge of dictating how you show your affection and when. Read Tuffy’s lips: Con-Trol-Freak.

    You say: “We can’t hold hands in public and even if I haven’t seen him in days, I can’t even kiss him on the cheek.” And then you say sometimes he randomly just makes out with you in public. Girl, he is playing you like a fiddle (a really cute fiddle, but still). He’s making sure that he makes the decisions here. He wants to be the one controlling not only the relationship but even how other people perceive the relationship.

    Of course, if that’s what you want, that’s fine. Some girls are into being told what to do. It’s certainly not my cup of tea (or coffee, or milkshake, or wine), but who I am to tell you what to do in your relationships?

    Oh wait–I’m an advice columnist.

    Girl, dump his ass and find someone who lets you have a say in when you get to kiss.

    Hearts & Skulls,
    Tuffy Luv

  • Tuffy Luv Tawks Seks

    Question for Tuffy?! Email her at [email protected] and leave a message at the BEEEEEEP.

    Tuffy Question: Hey, where all the lesbians at?! How come I never hear from you girls?!

    Dear Tuffy Luv,
    I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we are just crazy about each other, but we are still virgins.  We were originally saving our virginity for religious/moral reasons, but we both changed our minds on that and want to have intercourse now.  However, we each live in our parents’ homes and his family is super-religious.  And if someone finds out, both of us will be in deep trouble.  Apart from simply waiting, what can we do?

    –All revved up with nowhere to go

    Dear Revved,

    What can you do?! Why, many a thing, young lass! Let’s see–

    But first, let lil’ ol’ Tuffy just lil’ ol’ say: ALWAYS USE CONDOMS. In EVERY situation. In ANY genital exchange, with ANY gender. Okay?! CONDOMS. CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS.

    Okay, that said, first, I want to say that I am writing this advice to you, girl, assuming that you are of consenting age. Okay? Please, young ‘uns, wait till you’re ready. You should never feel pressure to have sex before YOU are ready to do it. No one tells you what to do with your body–you are your own and only your own.

    So, now the fun! Things you can do:

    1. Intercourse: Yes, you can have intercourse. Just take it slow. Kiss a lot. Talk, giggle, don’t take it too seriously. Just do what comes naturally. And, importantly: Tell him if it’s hurting you. Let’s be real, girls, it hurts the first time, but if you have a gentle and patient partner, he’ll go slow when you need him to and it’ll be much, much better. And, frankly, if you don’t have a gentle and patient partner, I highly recommend dumping his ass.

    2. Making Out: What’s wrong with just heavy making out?! This can be a great precursor to sex. It’ll really help you find out what turns you guys on. Kissing and touching is the perfect way to experiment without having to go too far.

    3. Oral Sex: This is SEX – oral is NOT casual. You still need a condom for this one (sorry, kids – no one likes the herp). Okay, the main thing here is being equals; you give him, and he gives you. It’s all about reciprocity. And it’s also all about listening. Don’t just get down there and try to look like a porn star; that ain’t doin’ nothin’ for no one. Listen to his reactions and learn from them (and expect him to do the same for you!!). And don’t be too shy to read up on the subject for tips (so to speak).

    4. Manual Stimulation: You actually don’t need a condom for this one, but make sure the hands are CLEAN (and that you have a condom nearby, just in case you decide you want to switch activities). Again, feel each other out (haha. No, but seriously). See what works for you guys. It’s just touching to make each other feel good – remember, this is a person you love.

    5. Anal: Okay, not for the beginner. Work your way up to this one. And, if you do eventually go there, use condoms and tons of lube.

    Places, given the circumstances, where you can do said things:

    1. Backseat of a car
    2. Friend’s place (with friend’s permission, of course)
    3. As a last resort, save up money and rent a hotel room during daytime hours (so no one gets suspicious)

    This is all assuming you love each other. Remember, kids, Aunt Tuffy Sez: Don’t rush into anything. Sex is so much better when there’s love involved.

    Good luck to you, girl. Use condoms, be safe, have fun!

    Hearts & Skulls,
    Tuffy Luv