Watching the Rose Parade<\/strong><\/p>\n Little cousin passes gas<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Little cousin (embarrassed): Sorry…<\/p>\n Uncle Jeff: You know son, all odors are particulate.<\/p>\n Aunt Carol: Hahahahahaha. Oh, god. Why did I laugh at that.<\/p>\n Little cousin: …What? I don\u2019t get it.<\/p>\n …A minute passes<\/em>…<\/p>\n Little cousin: No, really, I don\u2019t get it. What do you mean?<\/p>\n Aunt Carol: HE MEANS that there are LITTLE PIECES OF POOP from your behind flying everywhere around this room right now.<\/p>\n Overheard at a family holiday party<\/strong><\/p>\n Uncle Bob: If I\u2019m going to play Santa, I need at least another two drinks.<\/p>\n ——–<\/p>\n Aunt: What\u2019s your girlfriend\u2019s name?<\/p>\n Nephew: Emma.<\/p>\n Aunt: Hey, wow! Our dog is named Emma.<\/p>\n Nephew: Oh.<\/p>\n ——–<\/p>\n Them: Why are you back so soon?<\/p>\n Us: We were about to go into the movie, but then we thought to ourselves, \u201cIt\u2019s the holidays. We only get to see our family all together like this once a year, and it would be a shame to waste that precious time sitting in a theater rather than with those we love most. So we came back to spend time with you.<\/p>\n Them: Avatar was sold out, wasn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n Us: GodDAMN it.<\/p>\n ——–<\/p>\n Cousin: I can think of no better way to celebrate Jesus\u2019 birthday than by taking a tequila shot right now.<\/p>\n ——–<\/p>\n Aunt: What\u2019s your girlfriend\u2019s name again?<\/p>\n Nephew: Emma.<\/p>\n Aunt: Oh right. Hey, did you know that\u2019s our dog\u2019s name?<\/p>\n Nephew: Yeah, you mentioned that.<\/p>\n Overheard in line at the grocery store<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cWhy would you throw a snowball at a cop car!?\u201d<\/p>\n At a party<\/strong><\/p>\n Friend 1: You don\u2019t have the palate for shortbread.<\/p>\n …Later on<\/em>…<\/p>\n Friend 1: My parents have this $6,000 bottle of scotch–want to try some?<\/p>\n Friend 2: Ewww, no! It\u2019s smoky! Ewww, that\u2019ll taste like Chipotle.<\/p>\n Dad, racing into the living room<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cHon, where did you put my back scratcher-slash-hairbrush???\u201d<\/p>\n At a family party<\/strong><\/p>\n Family is engaged in a heated debate over immigration in a restaurant. The debate-ending comment:<\/em><\/p>\n Dad: If you don\u2019t have strong borders, you have Barnes and Noble.<\/p>\n Whispered at cousin\u2019s house<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cThe mother was worried that it might not be big enough…\u201d<\/p>\n Overheard at a Clippers 76ers game<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201c76ers? More like Seventy-duck-my-dicksers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAllan Iverson? More like Barely Aliverson.\u201d<\/p>\n Post-holiday phone conversation between two friends<\/strong><\/p>\n Friend 1: How was your Christmas?<\/p>\n Friend 2: Well, my dad burnt the lamb, but only on the outside. So my little brother had to microwave his because it was so pink, it was basically still BAAAH-ing. And the house got all smoky, so we had to open the door even though it was freezing outside. And then the cat ran out.<\/p>\n Friend 1: Wow, sounds terrible.<\/p>\n Friend 2: The saddest part is that the same thing happens every year. My dad should really cook lamb more often, or not at all…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Quotes heard by Stanford students over holiday break. Watching the Rose Parade Little cousin passes gas Little cousin (embarrassed): Sorry… Uncle Jeff: You know son, all odors are particulate. Aunt Carol: Hahahahahaha. Oh, god. Why did I laugh at that. Little cousin: …What? I don\u2019t get it. …A minute passes… Little cousin: No, really, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-134181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134181","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=134181"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134181\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=134181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=134181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=134181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}