{"id":275049,"date":"2010-02-04T05:22:24","date_gmt":"2010-02-04T10:22:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/papundits.wordpress.com\/?p=30816"},"modified":"2010-02-04T05:22:24","modified_gmt":"2010-02-04T10:22:24","slug":"infidel-turtles-successfully-launched-into-space","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/275049","title":{"rendered":"Infidel Turtles Successfully Launched Into Space"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

From The Endive<\/a> \u2013 The News Leader of the Known Universe<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Rocket Turtle<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad touted the successful removal of several infidel animals from Iran today thanks to the country\u2019s first successful rocket launch.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs of 9:30 this morning, two turtles, a mouse, and some worms were launched into space,\u201d said Ahmadinejad, \u201cWe are pleased to report that when the infidel animals reached the vacuum of space they exploded. No longer will these turtles be the scourge of Iran with their exposed buttockses.\u201d<\/p>\n

A proud Iranian Defense Minister General Ahmad Vahidi stood beside Ahmadinejad to provide details of the successful launch.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Kavoshgar-3 rocket is designed to propel infidel critters into space at enormous speeds,\u201d said Vahidi, \u201cWe believe these rockets, which cost merely $120 million American infidel satan dollars, can be used to launch five critters daily until all infidel critters are removed from Iran.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would also like to add,\u201d continued Vahidi, \u201cThat I believe the plural of \u2018buttocks\u2019 is just plain \u2018buttocks,\u2019 not \u2018buttockses.\u2019 Just a thought.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ahmadinejad hinted at future plans for the next Kavoshgar series rockets.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are looking forward to the construction of Kavoshgar-4,\u201d said Ahmadinejad, \u201cBecause that rocket will have a much larger cargo area, capable of carrying several orangutans, a pair of gazelles, or perhaps even a Jew.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would also like to add,\u201d continued Ahmadinejad, \u201cThat the plural of \u2018buttocks\u2019 is clearly \u2018buttockses.\u2019 My Defense Minister must have misspoken. It\u2019s not just \u2018buttocks\u2019 or even \u2018buttocki.\u2019 I\u2019m just sayin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Vahidi hinted that other rockets may serve dual purposes.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Kavoshgar-4 will be capable of holding something the size of a sea lion or perhaps a Jew,\u201d said Vahidi, \u201cBut we\u2019re hoping to cross it with some of our other technology so perhaps it could deliver a Jew and a nuclear warhead to another evil satan infidel country who will go unnamed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would also like to add,\u201d continued Vahidi, \u201cThat \u2018buttocks\u2019 makes a hell of a lot more sense than \u2018buttockses.\u2019 I mean, really. Buttockses? I supposed multiple people sleep on Hammockses.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ahmadinejad closed with a message of pride in his country.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe blew up a mouse, two turtles and some worms,\u201d said Ahmadinejad, \u201cIf stupid Americans did that, half the country would riot. We rule.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI would also like to add,\u201d continued Ahmadinejad, \u201cThat my entire family enjoys sleeping in hammockses and if you and your associates can\u2019t get your buttockses in line, you\u2019ll be going up in the next Kavoshgar-4.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more Satire <\/strong>at The Endive<\/a><\/p>\n

Filed under: Fanatics<\/a>, Humor<\/a>, Images<\/a>, Iran<\/a>, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad<\/a>, Middle East<\/a>, Satire<\/a> Tagged: Iran Rocket Program<\/a>, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad<\/a>, Political Humor<\/a>, Political Satire<\/a>, The Endive<\/a>, Tony<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From The Endive \u2013 The News Leader of the Known Universe Rocket Turtle Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad touted the successful removal of several infidel animals from Iran today thanks to the country\u2019s first successful rocket launch. \u201cAs of 9:30 this morning, two turtles, a mouse, and some worms were launched into space,\u201d said Ahmadinejad, \u201cWe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4200,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-275049","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/275049","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4200"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=275049"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/275049\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=275049"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=275049"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=275049"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}