{"id":319760,"date":"2010-02-14T20:00:04","date_gmt":"2010-02-15T01:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/firedoglake.com\/?p=66040"},"modified":"2010-02-14T20:00:04","modified_gmt":"2010-02-15T01:00:04","slug":"happy-valentine%e2%80%99s-day-from-your-favorite-republicans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/319760","title":{"rendered":"Happy Valentine\u2019s Day From Your Favorite Republicans"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I'm sure this kewpie doll is turning some Republican on right now.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Relying on their puerile judgment, the 13 year-olds running the RNC have designed “Valentine’s Day”<\/a> cards to send your loved ones from various parties from the Obama Administration and Democratic leadership. Har har har. Look at poor Ben Nelson. Nobody wants to be his valentine. Pshaw. Comedy isn’t hard.<\/p>\n

Well, neener neener neener. Never let it be said that some of us here at FDL can’t match the Republicans step for step when it comes to juvenile humor. So in honor of this re. . . um, silly Hallmark holiday, we’ve come up with some Valentine’s Day poems from our favorite Republicans. The poems are loosely organized according to subject. Authorship is noted in parentheses.<\/p>\n

As always, feel free to contribute your artistry in the comments!<\/p>\n

Generic Republican greeting<\/span>:<\/p>\n

Roses are red
\nViolets are blue
\nDems want to kill Grandma
\nAnd we do too.\u00a0 (Eli)<\/p>\n

From Sarah Palin to her rabid fan base<\/span>:<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Roses are red
\nStarbursts are whatever
\nThe day I learn grammar
\nWill be on the never. (Eli)<\/p>\n

My patriotic zeal and cutesy winks
\nSet Republican pants on fire
\nYou’re all too stupid to know the difference
\nBetween blatant lying and satire. (WT)<\/p>\n

Roses are red
\nViolets are blue
\nTodd sure is a hunk
\nI hope Piper never writes a book.
\nAlso. (Eli)<\/p>\n

Roses are red
\nFootballs are brown
\nI get to take the high road
\n‘Cuz Trig’s sydrome is Down. (Eli)<\/p>\n

Roses are Red
\nViolets are teh Ghey
\nIf you want me to Speak
\nYa gotta Pay and Pay (The Voice from the Other Cubicle)<\/p>\n

<\/span>Roses are red
\nViolets are blue
\nI just look at my palm
\nWhen I need a cue. (Eli)<\/p>\n

From Todd Palin to his fellow con artist<\/span> wife<\/span>:<\/p>\n

You spawned us four good ones
\nMy soul and status you do lift
\nI’m loving these silk boxers
\nYou keep working the grift!\u00a0(WT)<\/p>\n

From Sarah to Todd<\/span>:<\/p>\n

Energy, Tax Cuts,
\nLift American Spirits
\nLet Trigg inside (attaturk)<\/p>\n

Republican Family Values:<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear Darlene:
\nI know that I was unfaithful
\nAnd our marriage is on the skids
\nCan I borrow $100K
\nTo pay off my mistress’ kids?
\nLove, Senator Ensign (WT)<\/p>\n

Dear Gail,
\nOur union is awesome
\nYou sure married a hunk
\nNow please delete pictures
\nOf when I showed kids my junk
\nLove, Scott [Brown] (attaturk)<\/p>\n

Dear Calista,
\nI’m running in 2012,
\nSo you can stop all the cooking.
\nI no longer need your services
\nI need someone better-looking.
\nLove, Newt (WT)<\/p>\n

Dearest Lump,
\nI’m no longer in Crawford,
\nI’m no longer in power,
\nNow Beer me Lump,
\nOr cigs gone in an hour. (attaturk)<\/p>\n

Dear Wendy,
\nRoses are red,
\nMy love for you is hyper.
\nI’m sorry again about
\nThat incident with the diaper.
\nLove, David\u00a0[Vitter] (WT)<\/p>\n

Dear Maria,
\nRoses are red,
\nViolets are blue.
\nEnough about me,
\nLet’s talk about you.
\nHow can you live without me?
\nLove, Mark [Sanford] (WT)<\/p>\n

Dear Lynn,
\nI am pleased with my gift
\nA new rifle I so like
\nBut I’ll never forgive you
\nFor giving birth to a dyke.
\nLove, Dick (attaturk)<\/p>\n

I was robbed of my beauty queen title
\nFor my family values! It was a miscarriage.
\nI was smeared by the press because I said
\nI was in favor of opposite marriage.
\nWhoopsie, nipple shot!
\nLove, Carrie (WT)<\/p>\n

\"Share <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I'm sure this kewpie doll is turning some Republican on right now. Relying on their puerile judgment, the 13 year-olds running the RNC have designed “Valentine’s Day” cards to send your loved ones from various parties from the Obama Administration and Democratic leadership. Har har har. Look at poor Ben Nelson. Nobody wants to be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-319760","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319760","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=319760"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319760\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=319760"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=319760"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=319760"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}