{"id":387434,"date":"2010-03-04T06:01:22","date_gmt":"2010-03-04T11:01:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/papundits.wordpress.com\/?p=32107"},"modified":"2010-03-04T06:01:22","modified_gmt":"2010-03-04T11:01:22","slug":"topeka-obliterated-in-toyota-pinto-accident","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/387434","title":{"rendered":"Topeka Obliterated In Toyota-Pinto Accident"},"content":{"rendered":"

From The Endive<\/a> \u2013 The News Leader of the Known Universe<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>The city of Topeka, Kansas was obliterated Wednesday following a dramatic accident involving a Toyota and a Ford Pinto.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was horrifying,\u201d said eyewitness and survivor Sharon Horne, \u201cA white Camry suddenly sped up and rear-ended a green Pinto, sending it crashing into the side of a 1984 Chevy pickup. The last thing I remember seeing after that was a wall of flames, and then the concussive force of the explosion knocked me out.\u201d<\/p>\n

The accident was incredibly complex. Other eyewitnesses confirmed that the Toyota was trying to outmaneuver a Chevy Cobalt that had lost steering control. The fuel in the Pinto\u2019s gas tank didn\u2019t ignite until sparks and fire from a nearby Pontiac Fiero came a little too close as the wreck careened by.<\/p>\n

The Chevy truck ended up in the Pinto\u2019s line of fire after it swerved to avoid a Ford Explorer that had flipped onto its side while trying to pull out of the way.<\/p>\n

Things were further complicated when the concussive force of the explosion set off all the airbags in any Honda within a four-mile radius, causing a chain reaction crash that laid waste to ten city blocks.<\/p>\n

The fire was stoked further when a Ford Escape\u2019s cruise control switch caught fire coincidentally, right next to a 1987 Ford F-150 whose ignition switch burst spontaneously into flames.<\/p>\n

<\/span>\u201cWe warned people this would happen over and over,\u201d said Steve Dweebs, a scientist who talks like he knows everything, \u201cStatistically speaking, if every recalled vehicle were to meet in one city at one time and an unforeseen element were introduced, a collision would occur that would produce a shock wave large enough to obliterate Topeka.\u201d<\/p>\n

That unforeseen element, according to Dweebs, was the introduction of five Pontiac Aztecs. While the Aztec was never the subject of a recall, the presence of five of the ugliest vehicles ever produced was distracting enough to set off the chain reaction of events.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just wanted to add that I was totally right,\u201d said Dweebs, who is probably just now realizing we changed his last name to \u201cDweebs\u201d just for this article.<\/p>\n

President Obama was quick to pledge his support to rebuilding efforts.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe will rebuild Topeka,\u201d said Obama, \u201cAnd the new Topeka will have much safer cars. Cars that have been hastily built new from the ground up, managed by a government committee, and built by the few people who GM didn\u2019t lay off. We\u2019re pretty sure they\u2019ll be safe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more Satire <\/strong>at The Endive<\/a><\/p>\n

Filed under: America (USA)<\/a>, Humor<\/a>, Images<\/a>, Satire<\/a> Tagged: Satire<\/a>, The Endive<\/a>, Tony<\/a>, Toyota Recall<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From The Endive \u2013 The News Leader of the Known Universe The city of Topeka, Kansas was obliterated Wednesday following a dramatic accident involving a Toyota and a Ford Pinto. \u201cIt was horrifying,\u201d said eyewitness and survivor Sharon Horne, \u201cA white Camry suddenly sped up and rear-ended a green Pinto, sending it crashing into the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4200,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-387434","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/387434","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4200"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=387434"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/387434\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=387434"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=387434"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=387434"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}