{"id":438787,"date":"2010-03-17T12:51:28","date_gmt":"2010-03-17T16:51:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artscatter.com\/?p=7545"},"modified":"2010-03-17T12:51:28","modified_gmt":"2010-03-17T16:51:28","slug":"the-dirty-little-secret-behind-the-dirty-little-secret-martinis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/438787","title":{"rendered":"The dirty little secret behind the dirty little secret martinis"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"DirtyI have a dirty little secret.<\/strong> It\u2019s so dirty I don\u2019t even add commas between adjectives.<\/p>\n

It starts out innocently enough. I poke around the fridge and come across a jar with a few floaty thingies and a bunch of brine. And I realize the fridge is full of jars with a few floaty thingies and a bunch of brine. And then I determine to do something about it.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoney, are you thirsty?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have too many floaty thingies.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mr. Scatter gives me that look through his eyebrows. He mildly shakes his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have a problem here!\u201d I get a little defensive. I\u2019m a bit sensitive about My Issue and I\u2019m looking for some sympathy. Mr. Scatter knows I have a dreadful disability. Making fun of such an acute condition is not humane.<\/p>\n

<\/span>I\u2019ve been harboring this dirty little secret for a long time. It\u2019s really weighing on me, and I know honesty is the first step to getting help. It\u2019s time to finally come clean. To tell the world. To bare my soul. So, the truth of it is \u2026 well \u2026 I simply cannot throw out good brine.<\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

Why should I when there are perfectly good dirty little secret martinis to make?<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have only TWO olives left. That\u2019s just pathetic. They can\u2019t just sit here. We have to do something about it!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have only TWO?\u201d Mr. Scatter wrinkles his brow.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry, we have other floaty thingies.\u201d I fetch the familiar geometric glasses from the built-in cabinet in the dining room. \u201cBut then, you know I\u2019m going to have to do something about all that brine.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mr. Scatter grins. I\u2019m already reaching for the extra long toothpicks.<\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

A not so dirty little secret:<\/strong> Portland Opera<\/a> is having a martini contest! They\u2019re my marketing heroes.<\/p>\n

The Portland Opera Studio Artists are performing Leonard Bernstein\u2019s \u201cTrouble in Tahiti,\u201d<\/a> which is set in the martini-loving 1950s, and two Monteverdi one-acts. The opera is giving away a pair of tickets for opening night, March 26. What do you have to do to enter the drawing? Have a drink and snap a pic. It\u2019s almost that easy. Follow these instructions on the opera\u2019s Facebook site<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

Change your profile picture to one of you drinking a cocktail, then make a comment to this note. If your martini has an umbrella in it, your name will be entered twice to the drawing!<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

You can also send a pic to facebook@portlandopera.org<\/a>. Contest ends 3 p.m. Friday, March 19.<\/p>\n

You, too, could be added to the Tahiti Tiki Party Album.<\/p>\n

Full disclosure:<\/strong> Third Angle New Music Ensemble<\/a> is the backup band for this gig, gut strings and all. I have a day job with Third Angle. You could say I\u2019m shamelessly promoting my peeps. You could also say I\u2019m shamelessly promoting alcohol, but that would be a lie. I\u2019m all about the salt and vinegar.<\/p>\n

*****<\/p>\n

Through the help of a supportive husband and a 12-step program, I\u2019m recovering slowly. I know I will always be a brine hoarder, but I\u2019m getting better. Sometimes when I\u2019m feeling really brave and a little sneaky, I leave a present on the kitchen counter and wait patiently for Mr. Scatter to discover it. I wipe down the stove, taking a long slow time. I refill the salt shaker. And I wait. Eventually, Mr. Scatter meanders in.<\/p>\n

He gasps. His jaw falls to his knees. His eyes get really big. He looks at me in wonder.<\/p>\n

And then, without saying anything, he swings open the fridge and peers in. It has big wide spaces.<\/p>\n

He looks back at me. He looks back at the counter. Nearly a dozen empty canning jars are lined up in a row.<\/p>\n

Mr. Scatter finally recovers from his gobsmackedness. \u201cWhadja do with the brine?\u201d<\/p>\n

I smile, more than a little proud. \u201cI combined some and tossed the rest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are we going to add to our drinks now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe still have several quarts in the fridge.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have a dirty little secret. It\u2019s so dirty I don\u2019t even add commas between adjectives. It starts out innocently enough. I poke around the fridge and come across a jar with a few floaty thingies and a bunch of brine. And I realize the fridge is full of jars with a few floaty thingies […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5604,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-438787","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438787","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5604"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=438787"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438787\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=438787"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=438787"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=438787"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}