{"id":520021,"date":"2010-04-08T02:16:56","date_gmt":"2010-04-08T06:16:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gordonmoyes.com\/2010\/04\/08\/improving-family-life-2010-study-11-refusing-to-tolerate-violence-in-the-home\/"},"modified":"2010-04-08T02:16:56","modified_gmt":"2010-04-08T06:16:56","slug":"improving-family-life-2010-study-11-refusing-to-tolerate-violence-in-the-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/520021","title":{"rendered":"IMPROVING FAMILY LIFE 2010: Study 11. Refusing to tolerate violence in the home"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Scripture: 1 Peter 3:7<\/a> – 12<\/strong><\/p>\n

A well-known television actress and her husband are back together again, after a world-wide blaze of publicity. Now they are reconciled, at least for the moment. We wish them well.<\/p>\n

“I have been a classic and abused wife,” she said. “Throughout our marriage he has hit me, struck me, thrown objects at me, punched me, abused me, pushed me against walls while he screams and shouts at me drowning out pleas for him to stop.” She threatened divorce, came back together again, was abused, sought divorce, and is now back with him again.<\/p>\n

She is tired of being abused, but afraid of being apart. Her abuse has been real. She told the world press that in five stormy years, she has been battered, pulled around the house by the hair, bashed and bruised, stomped upon, and degraded. No person should take that violence.<\/p>\n

I remember when Pauline Grace Hughes, age 48 at the time, claimed her husband bashed her, bit her, and chose to watch a State of Origin football match on television instead of going with her to a marriage counsellor, was acquitted of his murder. She had pleaded ‘not guilty’ to the murder of her husband on the basis of self-defence.<\/p>\n

She told police that during an argument while drinking he had pushed her to the ground, bit her on the arm and said, “I’m going to bash you stupid” before she stabbed him. As she crouched on the floor, she had thought: “You’re not going to beat me senseless again.” “He has hurt me badly in the past. I’ve had broken ribs, I’ve had heaps of black eyes and hair pulled out and … when he said that, I thought, I don’t want to go to work with make-up on black eyes trying to make up excuses.”<\/p>\n

She told the jury that at different times her husband pushed her into a plate-glass door, urinated over her, poured coffee over her head and tipped a pot plant on her. “He put a garden slug on a spoon and forced it into my mouth and made my dentures cut my mouth.” (SMH, Friday April 15, 1994.)<\/p>\n

I have no time for such a brutal man, and her acquittal was justified. She was the first of several Australian women since who have been acquitted of the murder of her husband after domestic violence.<\/p>\n

1. What do we mean by violence in the home?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I do not like the term “domestic” violence. The use of the word “domestic” somehow makes the action seem more respectable, and traditional men like police, doctors and clergymen have been reluctant to invade the privacy of the home and the intimacy of another man’s relationship. But in fact, what we have is simply violence in the home and that must be confronted.<\/p>\n

Two women are killed every week following a domestic argument that ends violently. And what is generally not recognised is that violence in the home has a devastating effect upon the children involved. Remember that 43% of homicide victims were killed by someone in their own family, and 20% were killed by friends. One in four of all homicides are spousal homicides; and one in ten is a child under ten years.<\/p>\n

In the study entitled Homicide between Intimate Partners in Australia, 1998, Carach and James from the Australian Institute of Criminology (AIC) found that domestic violence plays a significant role in the lead up to lethal violence, accounting for 27 per cent of all homicides in Australia between 1989 and 1996.<\/p>\n

Another study by the AIC<\/span> in 2002, Homicides Resulting from Domestic Altercations, found that the majority of female homicide victims were killed during domestic altercations.<\/p>\n

In a follow-up Australian Institute of Criminology (AIC) study, Family Homicide in Australia, investigators Jenny Mouzos and Catherine Rushforth found that on average there were 129 family homicides each year, 77 related to domestic disputes. Killings between partners or spouses accounted for 60% of all family homicides in Australia, with women accounting for 75 % of the victims. A full quarter of these intimate homicides occurred after the partners had separated or divorced.<\/p>\n

Family violence occurs in a context of unequal power relationships within the family, ideas about male authority over the family, women’s unequal access to economic security, and the treatment of family violence as a private concern rather than a public issue. Violence is all but invisible to the outside world yet it touches one in five marriages in Australia and that includes many inside the Church as well.<\/p>\n

Violence falls broadly into four categories of abuse:<\/p>\n

Physical abuse<\/strong> includes pushing, kicking, punching, use of a weapon to inflict injury, strangulation, cigarette burns and so on. All acts and threats to assault are criminal offences.<\/p>\n

Psychological\/emotional\/verbal abuse<\/strong> is the use of words, language and other strategies to issue orders, threaten, insult, abuse, denigrate and degrade the female partner to destroy self-esteem.<\/p>\n

Financial abuse<\/strong> means controlling and withholding access to the family’s resources, including money, the car, purchase and ownership of goods and property, or not allowing them to seek employment outside the home.<\/p>\n

Social abuse<\/strong> refers to the social isolation inflicted upon a female partner through conduct that causes contact with family and friends to be curtailed or to cease, including forbidding participation in church-related social activities.<\/p>\n

Domestic violence occurs in all geographic areas of Australia and in all socio-economic and cultural groups, although domestic violence is a more significant problem for certain groups, such as regional and rural Australia and Indigenous communities. All these behaviours are used to obtain power and control, and usually escalate in intensity and frequency over time.<\/p>\n

2. What are the facts about home violence?<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was only in 1974 that ‘Elsie Women’s Refuge’, the first women’s refuge in Australia, was opened to care for women who had been bashed and their children. But by 1981, there were 33 refuges giving shelter to 11,000 women and children during the year – with 3,000 more of them turned away because of the lack of accommodation. During this time, I used the resources of Wesley Mission<\/a> to open such refuges. Yet, each year, over 20,000 women were still turned away and sent back to their violent homes because all of our refuges were fully occupied.<\/p>\n

The New South Wales 1981 Task Force on Domestic Violence investigated the range of services available to assist women suffering domestic violence and this is what they found:<\/p>\n

· 27% of women said they went initially to the police, but fewer than one-third found the police to be helpful.
\n· 22% went initially to a doctor for help, but fewer than one-third found the doctor helpful.
\n· 5.5% of women went first to a women’s refuge for help. Three quarters of the women found this helpful.
\n· 5.5% went first to a clergyman for help, but only one quarter found this contact helpful.<\/p>\n

Domestic violence is the single biggest cause of homelessness for Australian women.<\/p>\n

As it is believed most incidences of domestic violence go unreported, it is difficult to measure the true extent of the problem. According to a study conducted in 1998 by Carlos Carcach from the Australian Institute of Criminology (AIC), Reporting Crime to the Police, most assaults against women where the victim knows the offender go unreported.<\/p>\n

The 200<\/a>5 Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) Personal Safety Survey, estimated that 36 per cent of women who experienced physical assault by a male perpetrator reported it to the police that year compared to only 19% a decade before, which shows some progress in women’s willingness to report it.<\/p>\n

The survey also showed that of those women who were physically assaulted in the 12 months prior to the survey, 38% were victimised by their current or previous male partner. Of the women who had experienced violence by a current partner, 10 per cent had had an AVO<\/span> issued against their current partner but the violence against her had still occurred.<\/p>\n

3. What are the causes of family violence?<\/strong><\/p>\n

There are a number of theories about the causes of domestic violence:<\/p>\n

· The Pathological Theory: the violent person is ill and he needs to be treated.
\n· The Psychological theory: the offender is jealous, dependent, possessive and needs counselling. The victim is depressed, insecure, and over-dependent.
\n· The Cycles of Violence theory: the violence is a learned pattern of behaviour from childhood in a home where violence characterised his family relationships.
\n· The Structural Theory: Pressures from society cause family violence due to frustration from unemployment, financial debt, and cultural differences.
\n· The Alcohol as a Contributing Factor theory: alcohol is almost always involved, not as the sole cause but as the trigger of the violence.
\n· The Feminist Theory: in a male-dominated society the patriarchal family structure is the cause of domestic violence due to men trying every way possible to preserve their authority and dominance.<\/p>\n

Family violence is a complex problem with complex causes. We live in a violent society with an entertainment culture full of violence. We sanction violence as a way of life. Our mass media provide endless examples of violence and aggression on television, at the movies, on electronic gizmos, and in pornographic video games, websites and magazines. We are immersed in it. But that is no excuse for men not taking responsibility for their violent and abusive behaviour. They must learn to relate respectfully and equally to women despite the misleading and ugly messages they get from society.<\/p>\n

5. The affect of home violence upon children<\/strong><\/p>\n

Children are the forgotten victims of the violence that occurs between their parents. While a great deal of attention has been directed to women as the primary victims of domestic violence – and quite rightly so – the effects on children have been generally overlooked. Society continues to perpetuate the myth that children are untouched by the violence in their family home.<\/p>\n

In fact children are profoundly affected by domestic violence. Living in a home where domestic violence occurs frequently has been equated with living in a war zone or being involved in natural disasters such as fire, earthquakes or cyclones. Children from violent homes can exhibit the same sort of post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms as child refugees from war zones.<\/p>\n

Family violence not only psychologically and sometimes physically harms the child victims, but also is likely to establish patterns of violent behaviour. Women’s refuges, at any one time, cater for more children than women. Next to infants and toddlers, teenagers are most affected by family violence. Having lived with violence for a number of years, adolescents see their increasing independence as a means of escape from family conflicts.<\/p>\n

Family conflict is a frequent cause of teenagers leaving home and, in some cases, leading a life on the streets, according to the Burdekin Report (1989). Not all children are doomed to repeat their parents’ violence so it is crucial that we do not create self-fulfilling prophecies telling children that if they grow up in a violent home they will become violent. Children have choices. Our job is to make these choices available to them and help support them through very difficult times.<\/p>\n

During my 27 years of leadership to Wesley Mission<\/a>, I saw our children’s’ homes expand from taking in children whose parents were unable to care for them, from 104 per year to over 4,000 per year. One of our Centres was open all night with staff prepared for police to arrive with crying children. Frequently the police had been called to a home to find the mother murdered, the children crying, and the father handcuffed and being taken away. In that one never forgotten hour the children lost forever their mother, their father, their home, and all of their security.<\/p>\n

Wesley Mission<\/a> then had the task of finding a stable, loving home that could take in up to six children at once, for we were committed to keeping the children together so they could support each other. Having lost both mother and father in one night, we would never countenance separating the siblings.<\/p>\n

6. The failure of much church counselling<\/strong><\/p>\n

After years of beatings an abused woman finally did something for herself: she told her pastor and left her husband. But two months later she was back. She had succumbed to pressure from her pastor. He persuaded her to return to a man who had bashed her for 20 years. He told her marriage is too precious to be terminated if it can be saved. Since her husband had changed in the two months she was gone, shouldn’t she give him another chance, he said? She quickly succumbed. She went back to her husband. For the pastor, it was an easy victory. He had saved the marriage. But she bore the price.<\/p>\n

Why did the pastor send her back? He had two correct ideas but not much common sense. The pastor’s sole objective in counselling the woman was reconciliation with her husband. That was his first mistake. Reconciliation is the ultimate goal in marital counselling, but it’s not always the immediate goal. When a wife leaves her husband because of physical abuse, the immediate goal should be the woman’s physical and emotional wellbeing.<\/p>\n

The pastor should have believed her when she told him her husband had beaten her hundreds of times, and he should not have believed her husband when he said he was a changed man.<\/p>\n

Believing the husband was the pastor’s second mistake. Jesus told us we should see (Matt 3:8) “fruit in keeping with repentance.” A chronic wife-beater must prove he is a changed man, and to prove it takes time. Chronic wife-beaters turn to the church and say “I’ve changed!” and the church, which believes in conversion, believes him. Then the wife is urged to go back to him. Jobless and broke, perhaps she has no alternative even though she does not believe her husband is a changed man. The scars are too deep. She finds it impossible to forgive immediately and forget his infidelities or the unnumbered beatings. She needs time. Quick solutions are no solutions.<\/p>\n

“But what if she did it for publicity?” asks a sceptic. The first thing you must do with a beaten wife is to believe her. I’d rather be wrong on one publicity seeker than sceptical about a thousand abused women. Believe and assist. It is important for the church to have available immediate and safe accommodation, emergency financial assistance and access to interpreters if needed.<\/p>\n

But immediate intervention and safety is not enough. Safe, secure and affordable housing; access to training or retraining; employment; child care; counselling and support groups; income security; protection from deportation; ongoing protection from violence, and recognition of additional needs are also required.<\/p>\n

I interviewed a remarkable woman who had written her experiences as “Roslyn’s Story”; it is one woman’s moving account of her violent marriage. She requests that people stop saying what they usually say and learn a better response. Roslyn wants:<\/p>\n

· The police to stop saying: ‘Calm down and charge him in the morning if you want to.’ But instead to say: ‘What can we do about making you feel safe?’
\n· The doctors to stop saying: ‘I’ll prescribe you a tranquilliser.’ But instead to say: ‘Would you like me to refer you to someone who is better qualified to help you than me?’
\n· The lawyers to stop saying: ‘We haven’t enough evidence.’ But instead to say: ‘We’ll get a restraining order.’
\n· The social workers to stop saying: ‘It happens to a lot of women.’ But instead to say: ‘Do you know your rights?’
\n· Health clinic sisters to stop saying: ‘It’s a difficult time for a husband when you have young children.’ But instead to say: ‘Can I make you aware of programs available on parenting and relationships.’
\n· Family Law counsellors to stop saying: ‘He has the right to access.’ But instead to say: ‘Let’s set a period of no access until he begins to work out his problems.’
\n· Your friends to stop saying: ‘I told you so.’ But instead to say: ‘I’ll give you any support I can.’
\n· Clergy to stop saying: ‘Forgive him.’ But instead to say: ‘The situation is intolerable for you and your children. Let us help you do something about it.’<\/p>\n

6. What the Church is doing about family violence<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Synod of the Uniting Church adopted in 1991 a major program against family violence. The Church said “Physical, sexual and\/or emotional violence occurs in many families, including families within the church community. We condemn all forms of violence in the family as sin, and commit ourselves to support the victims of family violence and to work for an end to such violence.” These words were then matched by a strong program to assist abused women and their children who needed shelter, counselling, support and love.<\/p>\n

At Wesley Mission<\/a> when I was Superintendent, we had special training programs for some 400 staff and volunteer counsellors. We had a 24-hour telephone service. We had built four houses for emergency family accommodation and appointed social workers to aid those women and children. We had family therapists and opened four centres with clinicians, psychologists and family counsellors to work with hundreds of families at risk. We had provided alternative accommodation for victims in some forty flats and units. We were advocates for women facing financial and legal problems. We had psychiatrists and a hospital on hand for severe emergencies. We had ministers who were trained and aware of family violence issues. I wanted our program of help to be all encompassing.<\/p>\n

The Bible is clear: violent husbands are wicked men. Peter writes: (1 Peter 3:7-12<\/a>) “Husbands, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”<\/p>\n

Sources:
\nDonna Bowen and Prof. Michael Horsburgh’s report
\nThe NSW <\/span>Domestic Violence Committee 1991
\nNational Committee on Violence Against Women 1991
\nThe SAAP <\/span>Review, ‘Homes Away From Home’ 1987
\n“Family Matters” AIFS <\/span>May 1993, Issue No. 34
\n“A Woman And Domestic Violence”. Anglican Synod, 1987
\nThe National Domestic Violence Education Campaign 1989
\nThe National Domestic Violence Training Forum 1990
\n“Roslyn’s Story” – a Survivor’s Perspective
\nCass, Bettina. The Housing Needs of Women and Children Canberra: [Australian Govt. Pub. Service], 1991. Discussion paper (Australia. National Housing Strategy)
\n“Family Violence” Federation Press, Sydney, 1991<\/p>\n

Rev the Hon. Dr Gordon Moyes AC MLC<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scripture: 1 Peter 3:7 – 12 A well-known television actress and her husband are back together again, after a world-wide blaze of publicity. Now they are reconciled, at least for the moment. We wish them well. “I have been a classic and abused wife,” she said. “Throughout our marriage he has hit me, struck me, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4129,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-520021","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520021","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4129"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=520021"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520021\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=520021"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=520021"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=520021"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}