{"id":547773,"date":"2010-04-30T07:30:18","date_gmt":"2010-04-30T11:30:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.justaguything.com\/?p=7340"},"modified":"2010-04-30T07:30:18","modified_gmt":"2010-04-30T11:30:18","slug":"nfl-draft-%e2%80%93-1st-round-observations-and-snark","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/547773","title":{"rendered":"NFL Draft \u2013 1st Round Observations and Snark"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"draft<\/p>\n

Prime Time! NFL Draft Starts Slightly Later! <\/strong><\/p>\n

This was the big selling point of this year’s draft.\u00a0 The first round will be in PRIMETIME.\u00a0 I’d rather they promise they make it less boring than watching paint dry, but I guess baby steps will get us there.\u00a0 No scheduling moves will change the fact that the first round is thirty-two moments of minimal interest punctuated by fifteen-minute intervals of weird-looking men yelling, but the stage is set tonight at Radio City Music Hall for the 2010 NFL Draft.<\/p>\n

Due to boredom, I figured I would straddle the line between football fan and recreational TV critic by jotting down some thoughts during the next three-and-a-half hours.\u00a0 I care more about college ball than pro, but this seems like a pretty happy marriage of the two.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

2:38<\/strong> ESPN is the proud owner of the world\u2019s largest iPad for the draft analysis.\u00a0 Wildly unnecessary, but the Minority Report<\/em>-style movements and screens are pretty cool.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to give them this one.\u00a0 Certainly less garish than the Will.I.Am hologram CNN used during the last presidential election.<\/p>\n

2:42<\/strong> They seem to be really celebrating the host city, New York, in the pregame show.\u00a0 Naturally, that means Jay-Z and Alicia Keys are now bouncing around my skull like a spastic pinball.<\/p>\n

2:44<\/strong> TebowTebowTebowTebowTebowTebowTebow.\u00a0 Ugh.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure when a character ever garnered this much disproportionate attention.\u00a0 I say \u201ccharacter\u201d because he\u2019s only expected to go late-2nd<\/sup>, 3rd<\/sup> round, but has generated more discussion than any prospect I have ever witnessed in my zero years of covering the NFL Draft.\u00a0 His character supersedes his athleticism.<\/p>\n

2:47<\/strong> Free association exercise: Tim Tebow \u2013 heart, character, leadership, integrity, unique, locker room.\u00a0 The studio hosts are doing the roundtable on Tim Tebow.\u00a0 Really divisive \u2013 opinions range from \u201ccan\u2019t make it in the NFL\u201d to \u201cgood locker room guy\u201d to \u201cwill do whatever it takes to be a champion\u201d.\u00a0 Actually a fairly intriguing plot line.<\/p>\n

2:52<\/strong> On the opposite end of the spectrum is Dez Bryant, who has all the talent in the world, but is by no means a sure thing due to his prima dona behavior that we see so often from standout receivers.\u00a0 See also, Keyshawn Johnson, Terrell Owens, Plaxico Buress, Chad Johnson (I can\u2019t bring myself to do it, I\u2019m sorry).\u00a0 He is being interviewed now, and I can comfortably declare him the anti-Tebow.\u00a0 That said, the legacy of Randy Moss demonstrates the danger of putting too much stock in a college player\u2019s past. Then again, Ryan Leaf demonstrates the danger of not putting enough stock in a player\u2019s past.\u00a0 Tricky business, this draft.<\/p>\n

2:55<\/strong> I hope there is a moment in my life that is as exciting as the draft probably is for these prospects.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had a camera crew film me watching TV.\u00a0 As far as I know.<\/p>\n

3:08<\/strong> Sam Bradford seems like a pretty good dude.\u00a0 .\u00a0 I hate Oklahoma, so typing that last sentence made my hands cramp a little bit.\u00a0 He looks like he fake tans, but I don\u2019t FEEL like he does.\u00a0 Jimmy Clausen had a better year and has the potential to be more spectacular, but Jimmy Clausen seems to be a little more\u2026.Roethlisburger-esque.<\/p>\n

3:13<\/strong> \u201cEmpire State of Mind\u201d one more time?\u00a0 OK!<\/p>\n

3:28<\/strong> Mel Kiper just flew off the handle.\u00a0 Screamed at some other ESPN reporter, brutalizing his picks, then ended with \u201cI respect your opinion\u201d.\u00a0 You sure about that, Mel?\u00a0 Mel looks like the type of guy who would go ballistic at his kids if they didn\u2019t finish their vegetables or if they didn\u2019t look at him when they told him about their day.\u00a0 Not a guy I would want at a dinner party, but definitely a guy I want if I have to watch 4.5 hours of a studio show.\u00a0 The next time ESPN cuts to him, I hope he\u2019s sharpening a knife and whistling \u201cWhen Johnny Comes Marching Home\u201d.<\/p>\n

3:38<\/strong> When did young athletes become such tasteful dressers?\u00a0 Unless Jimmy Clausen shows up in a sixteen-button suit and pocket watch, I\u2019m about to lose 40% of the premise of this piece.\u00a0 Shit.<\/p>\n

4:35<\/strong> I passed out for a few minutes during the parade of \u201cHey, look it\u2019s famous NFL players!\u201d.<\/p>\n

4:36<\/strong> The St. Louis Rams are on the clock.\u00a0 I\u2019m secretly hoping they draft a little-known player called \u201cBlack Tim Tebow\u201d, but analysis indicates they will draft Sam Bradford, regardless of whether or not Black Tim Tebow should even exist.\u00a0 Seems short-sighted to me.\u00a0 Bradford is talking on his phone and smiling.\u00a0 Looks like he\u2019s their pick.<\/p>\n

4:39<\/strong> How much do draft tickets cost?\u00a0 Where do you buy them?\u00a0 Why does a person want to attend the draft?\u00a0 \u201cI love seeing commissioners at podiums, but I hate expert analysis of the thing that the commissioner is discussing.\u201d<\/p>\n

4:40<\/strong> Oh man!\u00a0 Not only is Bradford going to receive a contract with $15mm in guaranteed salary, but he also gets a St. Louis Rams lapel pin, jersey and hat!\u00a0 This has to be a great day for him.\u00a0 I would sell the jersey and hat on eBay and keep the cash!<\/p>\n

4:43<\/strong> Detroit is on the clock.\u00a0 You can\u2019t draft a new hometown, so they\u2019ll probably select a player with their pick.\u00a0 Sounds like they\u2019re going Gerald McCoy, a defensive tackle, which works for them, cause they need help at every position but QB.\u00a0 Uh, oh\u2026other tackle is on the phone!\u00a0\u00a0 Last minute switch.\u00a0 They got Ndamukong Suh.<\/p>\n

4:47<\/strong> Suh didn\u2019t look too stoked about becoming a Lion, but I\u2019m still holding out for the \u201cabject horror\u201d look of a player getting selected by an undesirable team.\u00a0 My dark horse in that category is Jimmy Clausen\/Cleveland Browns.<\/p>\n

4:49<\/strong> Coors Light Home Draft has piqued my interest.\u00a0 I looked it up online and it costs $18 for 16 12-oz beers, which isn\u2019t the bargain I hoped.\u00a0 In the \u201cpro\u201d column, it\u2019s new, goofy, and wildly impractical.\u00a0 I\u2019ll take three.<\/p>\n

4:54<\/strong> Gerald McCoy is selected by Tampa Bay.\u00a0 He\u2019s crying pretty hard.\u00a0 Would it be legal (provided there is ample time left on the clock) to select a player, witness him crying, then inform the player \u201cwe are going to need someone a little tougher than you, crybaby\u201d, then pick a different player?\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t?\u00a0 Ok.<\/p>\n

4:56<\/strong> McCoy has a baby girl.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think he\u2019s married either.\u00a0\u00a0 Tampa Bay just drafted a sinner.<\/p>\n

4:57<\/strong> While ESPN shows graphics of the players skills, shortcomings, stats, etc, they have video of the player on the left hand side of the screen, grinning, playfully tossing a football, and dancing.\u00a0 There is so much of the draft process I\u2019m jealous of.<\/p>\n

ESPN producer: Hello, Penn?<\/p>\n

Penn: Yeah?<\/p>\n

ESPN Producer: We need you to come down to our studios to film you while you dance in your workout gear.<\/p>\n

Penn: Awesome.<\/p>\n

5:00<\/strong> Redskins pick Trent Williams.\u00a0 Third OU player taken in first four picks.\u00a0 My only comfort comes from knowing that OU no longer has these awesome players.\u00a0 I\u2019m also happy that these three won\u2019t be forced to live in Oklahoma anymore.\u00a0 Meanwhile, Kevin Durant wonders why the leagues leading scorer is forced to live in a three-bedroom apartment that overlooks, well\u2026Oklahoma.<\/p>\n

5:03<\/strong> Kansas City is on the clock.\u00a0 Made me think of Hard Knocks<\/em>, which makes me think that a team should be able to forfeit a fifth-round pick to be featured on the HBO reality show.\u00a0 If a team doesn\u2019t have a fifth-round pick, they are still eligible for the show, but every member of the 55-man roster must kick their punter in both shins.<\/p>\n

5:06<\/strong> (Solemnly staring out the window) It was three years ago that JaMarcus Russell was picked number one in the 2007 NFL Draft.\u00a0 We will never forget.<\/p>\n

5:09<\/strong> Eric Berry was selected by Kansas City.\u00a0 Here is what I know about Eric Barry:\u00a0 He went to Tennessee, he\u2019s a safety, and he\u2019s wearing a shirt\/tie combo that would be described as \u201cflesh-colored\u201d.\u00a0 Not his flesh, mind you.\u00a0 But mine.<\/p>\n

5:11<\/strong> An ESPN Interactive poll shows 70% of the voters think that Barry\u2019s selection merits an \u201cA\u201d grade.\u00a0 I bet most of those people voting know even less about Barry than I do.\u00a0 They probably would have called his shirt\/tie combo \u201csalmon\u201d.\u00a0 Yuck.<\/p>\n

5:13<\/strong> Just came to the realization that nothing interesting has ever, nor will ever happen in the televised coverage of the draft.\u00a0 I wish I had realized this three hours ago.<\/p>\n

5:16<\/strong> Most interesting stat of the night so far: The average diameter of the watches worn by selections thus far is 3.68 inches.\u00a0 Unfortunately, this number will almost certainly trend downward in later rounds.<\/p>\n

5:17<\/strong> Russell Okung selected by Seattle.\u00a0 He\u2019s a left tackle.\u00a0 Consequently, they are showing a montage of plays that would look totally mundane were he not highlighted in each one.\u00a0 You know what\u2019s hard, even for a seasoned sports fan like myself?\u00a0 Figuring out if an offensive lineman is good or bad.\u00a0 Hindsight is 20\/20, but I find it very strange that despite the lack of statistical analysis, scouts are more on the money with offensive linemen than any other position.\u00a0 Good job, scouts!<\/p>\n

5:21<\/strong> The draft day hats are available at NFL.edu<\/p>\n

5:21<\/strong> Excuse me.\u00a0 NFL.com<\/p>\n

5:22<\/strong> They\u2019re using the Minority Report <\/em>board again!\u00a0 I wonder if a little black ball rolls down if they find out that Colt McCoy is going to kill someone in the future.<\/p>\n

5:23<\/strong> A few of the twists that would make the draft telecast interesting:<\/p>\n