{"id":661877,"date":"2013-08-05T17:08:20","date_gmt":"2013-08-05T21:08:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.ted.com\/?p=80627"},"modified":"2013-08-06T11:53:21","modified_gmt":"2013-08-06T15:53:21","slug":"the-upside-of-losing-an-argument-andor-being-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/661877","title":{"rendered":"The upside of losing an argument and\/or being wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"How<\/p>\n

How the movie “Pacific Rim” reminded the writer of the deep-seated need to win arguments.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

My last fight came after, of all things, the movie Pacific Rim<\/i><\/a>.\u00a0 As my moviegoing companion and I walked out of the theater, he said of Guillermo del Toro\u2019s latest, \u201cThat was awesome<\/i>.\u201d I, on the other hand, thought it was just okay, managing to slightly elevate its robots-versus-aliens premise.<\/p>\n

At first, we slightly disagreed. But within 15 minutes, my companion was declaring the movie a sparkling beacon in the tide of summer-movie sludge, a brilliant takedown of the destruction movie genre. I, on the other hand, was calling it everything that\u2019s wrong with cinema today — too much action, too much testosterone and far too high a body count. Wait, but you had fun watching the movie<\/i>, I thought, even as I railed against it.<\/p>\n

As our discussion crossed the 60-minute mark, and my cheeks were fully flushed, I realized that I was no longer simply stating my opinion. I was positioning myself to win an argument, dismissing my companion\u2019s points no matter whether I agreed or not. I was in this fight to be crowned the person most in the right. And it didn\u2019t feel good.<\/p>\n

This silly argument left me thinking: What is it about human beings that leaves us needing to be right, needing to get the last word in no matter what? Luckily, two fascinating TED Talks — one posted today and one classic from 2011– speak to the strong desire \u2026 and give insights on how we can break through it.<\/p>\n

Philosopher Dan Cohen has spent decades perfecting the art of arguing. And yet in today\u2019s talk<\/a>, given at TEDxColbyCollege, he reveals that he now loses intellectual debates more than ever.<\/p>\n

\"DanielDaniel H. Cohen: For argument\u2019s sake<\/span><\/a>Why? Because he has stopped subscribing to the dominant metaphor that surrounds debates — that they are a war with vicious battles fought and with a clear winner and a clear loser at the end.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen we talk about arguments, we talk in very militaristic language. We want strong arguments. Arguments that have a lot of punch. Arguments that are right on target \u2026 The killer argument,\u201d says Cohen, dissecting how we argue. \u201c[But] if argument is war, then there\u2019s an implicit equation of learning with losing.\u201d<\/p>\n

In this talk<\/a>, Cohen unpacks why the argument-as-war metaphor is so limiting — because it creates an adversarial relationship. It puts the focus on tactics (knock down your opponent\u2019s argument) rather than real thought (do they have a point?), and shuts off the possibility of negotiation, compromise or collaboration. Because after all, who is the real winner in an argument? According to Cohen, it\u2019s whoever has their worldview expanded. There\u2019s no reason that needs to be limited to one person. In the ideal situation, everyone in a debate could come out with a greater understanding.<\/p>\n

\"KathrynKathryn Schulz: On being wrong<\/span><\/a>Cohen\u2019s talk reminds me of Kathryn Shulz\u2019s classic, On Being Wrong<\/a>. At TED2011, Schulz pointed out a related paradox — that while we all know that human beings are fallible, we are loath to admit when we ourselves are wrong. \u201cSo effectively, we all kind of wind up traveling through life trapped in this little bubble of feeling very right about everything,\u201d says Schulz.<\/p>\n

In a brilliant moment in the talk, she asks: what does it feel like to be wrong? While first instinct might tell us that it feels terrible, she points that\u2019s actually only what happens when we realize<\/i> that we are wrong. Until that moment, being wrong feels exactly like being right. So often, clues pop up that could reveal to us our error — and yet, we often put up blinders to them. This is fine when it comes to a misunderstood song lyric. But it can be disastrous when it comes to bigger convictions that affect the health and well-being of others — or our planet.<\/p>\n

But beyond that, explains Schulz, the need to be right simply keeps us from growing.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s most baffling and most tragic about this is that it misses the whole point of being human,\u201d she says. \u201cIf you really want to rediscover wonder, you need to step outside of that tiny, terrified space of rightness and look around at each other and the vastness and complexity of the universe and be able to say, \u2018Wow, I don\u2019t know. Maybe I\u2019m wrong.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

And with that, I am willing to admit: I could maybe, possibly be wrong about Pacific Rim<\/i>.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How the movie “Pacific Rim” reminded the writer of the deep-seated need to win arguments. My last fight came after, of all things, the movie Pacific Rim.\u00a0 As my moviegoing companion and I walked out of the theater, he said of Guillermo del Toro\u2019s latest, \u201cThat was awesome.\u201d I, on the other hand, thought it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7344,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-661877","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/661877","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7344"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=661877"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/661877\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=661877"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=661877"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.media\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=661877"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}