From The Endive – The News Leader of the Known Universe
Toyota faced another massive setback today as the beleaguered carmaker recalled 400,000 Hondas for faulty airbags.
“We are very sorry,” said Akio Toyoda, President of Toyota Motor Corporation, “We are so, so sorry. We should have been more careful about the quality of Honda’s airbags. A thousand times, I am sorry. Please accept my apology.”
Toyota announced two measures the company will be taking in response to the recall. First, a new airbag switch will be installed in all of the Hondas in order to correct the problem. Second, all Toyota and Honda owners will receive a free fish.
A very baffled Takeo Fukui, President and CEO of Honda Motor Company, was unsure how to respond to Toyota recalling 400,000 of his vehicles.
“We were totally planning on recalling those cars ourselves,” said Fukui, “But Toyota got in there ahead of us, apologized and offered everyone a fish. I wanted to apologize! Why can’t I be the one to apologize! Dammit, I wanted to give you a fish!”
Honda owners worldwide were nervous about unpredictable airbags, which, due to a programming error, would inflate whenever someone said the word “Tromboner.”
“I was taking my kid to band practice, and suddenly I heard a loud boom and had an airbag in my face,” said Hallie Leonard, the mother of a band geek who also happens to be cheating on her husband with a chimney sweep, “I’m so glad Toyota took swift action. I think all anybody really wants is to know that their car will do what it’s supposed to do and that someone will give them a fish.”
The President praised Toyota for its quick reaction to the crisis.
“I would like to praise Toyota for its quick reaction to the crisis,” said Barack Obama, “It’s about time these corporate slimeballs owned up to their failures. I would encourage Toyota to submit themselves to a congressional panel. We would investigate them thoroughly, then direct them to build green cars, generate green jobs, and suck up tax money like the freaking Virginia DMV. We also expect fish.”
Toyota has already begun shipping the new airbag switches to dealers, as well as 400,000 fish.
“We’re prepared to install the new switches quickly and efficiently,” said Ronnie Johnston, a service manager at a Toyota dealership in Huntsville, “But we have no clue how to handle all these f**king fish. People, we have a service bay full of fish. Please take one or we’re screwed.”
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Filed under: America (USA), Humor, Images, Japan, Satire Tagged: Humor, Satire, The Endive, Tony, Toyota Recall 
