When I was a kid I seemed to attract criticism the way that some kids attract dirt. I was always the kid that the other parents thought badly of even though I was actually pretty careful not to break rules. In fact, I heard one mom mutter to another mom that I just had one of “those” looks. I was never sure what that meant. My mom said that I just looked like trouble.
Me, Dorothy Hamill hair cut and all. June 1978.
By the time I was in high school I had a horrid reputation amongst those elite beings known as “high lifes”, “cheerleaders”, and “football players”. It was largely unfounded, based on gossip, assumption, and total fiction. I never did figure it out but what I do know is that after awhile I gave up trying to change anyone’s opinion – most importantly my mom’s. She seemed to think that I was doing things I wasn’t. Most of the school staff seemed to think I was; more than one male teacher came on to me expecting me to acquiesce to them. Other than my friends, many who were as outcast as myself, most of my world seemed determined to think the worst of me. So, being a teenager I decided, what the hell? and began to act in the ways I was being accused of acting. I lifted my chin, looked the world squarely in the eye and shot society a well manicured finger. I spent the next few years using everything I had to prove to all those people that they were right. My one saving grace was my dad who believed in me. No matter what I did he responded with ” You might not be perfect but you are perfect enough for me”. He was my lifeline and his love kept me from going deeper into the pit I was creating.
I am reminded of this because I am in a similar situation in my personal life. It doesn’t matter what it is. It is enough to know that I am being silently accused of doing the wrong thing when I am not. You know what? It hurts just as bad now as it did then. Dad is gone. There are a few people who love me enough to believe in me and right now they are my lifelines..the reason I don’t cave and do what I am accused of by people I trusted.
What does this have to do with parenting? Quite simply your child will live up to your expectations…or down to them. Have a habit of telling them that they are no good or stupid? You are asking for trouble. How hard is it really to tell your child that you believe in them and that you are proud of them?
Everyone is going to make mistakes. That is a given. But…a child that has someone who believes in him will make less mistakes, will right himself more quickly, and will end up a healthier adult that someone who has to fight consitantly to prove his worth.
Your child is acting exactly how he feels you expect him to. You can change that today. My dad did not give up on me and I think he would be proud of the woman I have become. Don’t give up. Ever.
image:marye audet
Post from: Blisstree