Author: Marye Audet

While many states do not have age requirements on the books for when you can leave your child home alone it is important that you know if he is ready. I remember when I was about 12 my parents left me to go out with another couple on a windy autumn evening. For some reason I decided to watch a vampire move, I am not sure why.

We lived back in the country on 2 acres that were heavily wooded with cedar trees. The only thing my parents said to me as they left was not to forget to give the horses their hay at 10 p.m. Sometime during the evening I heard the wind pick up and begin to howl around the corners of the house. When I next looked at the clock, during a commercial break, I noticed that it was time to give the horses their hay. I opened to door and the first thing I saw, to my dismay, was a full moon with dark clouds scuttling by it almost fearfully. The trees were groaning in the wind. And I had to walk several hundred feet to the back of the property to get to the barn. About halfway to the barn an owl hooted and I started to run as fast as I could go. I grabbed the hay, threw it over the stall doors without even a quick hello to my beloved horses and ran full speed back into the house, slamming the door behind me.

Yes. I was 12. And yes, I was scared to death.

So how can you know if your child is ready to be home alone? Here are some things to consider –

Siblings

Are there younger siblings involved? Will he be in charge over a sib or two? If so, can he handle it? Will they listen to him?

Emergencies

Can he handle emergencies? Does he know what to do? Calling 911 is important but what about smaller emergencies, like the toilet overflowing or a younger sibling throwing up?

Obedience

How obedient is he? There are some 16 year olds I wouldn’t trust home alone! If there is a pattern of risky behavior or just not thinking then you may want to make sure that there is a responsible adult around.

Confidence

How does your child feel about being home alone? Is he confident that he can do it?

Neighborhood

If you live in the city where you have lots of drive bys you will probably make a different decision that someone who lives in a gated suburb. Just sayin’.

Neighbors

Do you have a neighbor that can look in on your child to make sure everything is o.k.?

Knowing when your child is ready to be home alone is not easy. Try leaving him for short periods of time and gradually work up to longer ones as necessary. Make sure he knows the rules and follows them carefully. With cell phones you can be reached easily so it isn’t as scary to leave a child as it once was.

image: SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Is Your Child Ready to Be Home Alone?

Many parents wonder about the legal age for leaving a child home alone. With all of the news about child protective services it can get scary to contemplate doing the wrong thing.

Oddly enough, not many states even have a law that covers it. It is one of those areas that the government (gasp!)  leaves to parental discretion. The states that do have laws on the books are:

• Maryland, age 8
• Georgia, age 9
• Oregon, age 10
• Illinios, age 14

It is illegal in these states to leave your child if he is under the age specified. Of the other 46 states some have official guidelines. This means that the state is basically covering  its butt when it comes to your kids. If you leave a child that is younger than the official guideline… AND if something happens then they can harass you for not following guidelines… if they want to. The states that have official guidelines are:

Age 8

• South Carolina

Age 9

• North Dakota

Age 10:

• Tennessee
• Washington

Age 11

• Nebraska

Age 12

• Colorado
• Delaware
• Kansas
• Wisconsin
• Wyoming

The rest of the states have nothing on the books one way or another. It is up to the total discretion of the parent. Of course, you need to know if your child is ready to be left unsupervised, and that is something only you can decide.

image: SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Legal Age for Leaving a Child Home Alone

I like to make my children a part of my Valentine’s Day celebration. When Marc and I were married we celebrated the romantic aspect of it at a different time, but Valentines Day was a time we shared with the kids… because we love them too!

There are all kinds of ways to celebrate and gifts you can give your kids but printing off Valentine’s Day Coupons are a fun and inexpensive gift. Just design a coupon on your word program and add what the coupon is for. Print it off on pink or white paper with red letters or whatever you like. Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. This coupon is good for getting out of one chore.
2. This  coupon is good for one “please mom, let me stay up an extra hour?”
3. This coupon is good for one hot chocolate at Starbucks.
4. This coupon is good for one afternoon one on one with mom or dad.
5. This coupon is good for one game of basket ball.
6. This coupon is good for one day of not cleaning your room.
7. This coupon will turn “almost” any no into a yes.
8. This coupon is good for a hug.
9. This coupon is good for a read aloud.
10. This coupon is good for one family night and you pick the movie.
11. This coupon is good for one trip to Sonic (or McDonalds or whatever).
12. This coupon is good for one pizza night – you pick the toppings.
13. This coupon is good for one game of your choice.
14. This coupon is good for one ice cream cone.

You can follow the SXC link to that image and save it to your computer to use or you can make you own. Just have fun with it!

image:SXC photoshopping by: marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

Valentine’s Day Coupons for Kids

My oldest son is an amazing man that I am proud of. He is 25 years old and he serves in the United States Air Force. His birthday was this month and once again we are not together to celebrate it. In fact, I have not seen him since May 2008 and it looks like it will be December 201o before I see him again. My youngest daughter, Kyrie, misses him more than almost anyone else. She was not even a year old when he left.

Chris is overseas. He has been in Northern Japan, Kuwait, Iraq, and other places. He is, as of this writing, headed for a more dangerous area in a few months. He loves what he does, and I love him… so I am happy that he is happy and fulfilled. It isn’t easy when your children leave home, no matter how many you have. When one goes in the military it is even harder because you don’t often know when you will see them again. And then there are the people who ask you if you are afraid your child will be killed. How you feel about wars and skirmishes, and ultimately those people who tell you how THEY feel about the military (usually not complimentary) until you want to experiment with waterboarding techniques to see if it will shut them up.

It is sad. Maybe it is just me but doesn’t it occur to anyone else that having a child in the military is something that is a source of combined pride and fear? While I do try to be nice, sometimes I have to wrestle with sarcastic thoughts.

• Yes, I know he could be killed. I only thought about that ten times in the past 24 hours. Thank you for bringing my mind back to that thought.
• Hello, yes he is defending your butt so you have the freedom to whine about how much the government is spending on protecting him while he protects you. Geez.
• No, I didn’t let him watch violent movies as a child, he developed the desire to kill people all on his own.
• Do I miss him? Umm… no, not at all. Seeing your child 3 times in 6 years is enough for any parent, isn’t it?
• Proud? Yes I am proud of him. And there is no sarcasm in that.

You have a whole new set of guilt patterns when your kid is in the military. You don’t send cookies enough, you don’t email enough, you should be praying for them more… You realize that you know very little about their every day life, you know none of their friends, and when you see pictures of them you realize that you wouldn’t recognize your child at a grocery store should you accidentally run into them.

Parenting is tough. Parenting a son or daughter in the military is  very tough. It doesn’t get easier as time goes on, it just gets more normal.I know parents that try to talk their kids out of the military when they mention that want to join. I understand the desire to hold on to your child but when you keep them from what they feel called to do you hold them back from their destiny.  Best thing you can do if you have a friend whose child is going into the military is be there for support. Best thing you can do if your child is going in the military is… be there for support.

image: marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

Over There

Big families have unique problems, issues, and situations that smaller families just can’t imagine. Several years ago my online friends and I, all of whom had big families, began listing things that were unique to big families in a humorous, tongue in cheek sort of way.

Here are some of the things that we came up with, that I can remember.

• You know you are a big family when you can get the group discount at the Museum of Natural History…and it is just your family going.
• You have to triple recipes in the cookbooks.
• A box of cereal will not a breakfast make.
• People ask if you are a daycare director when you take your kids to the park.
• People ask you whether you are Mormon OR Catholic.
• People ask if you know what causes that. You reply yes you do and you think it is fun!
• You can easily cater a church meal for 24 because it only means making a little more than you usually do.
• People count your children as they get out of the family van.
• YOU count your children as they get out of the family van.
• You have to think for a minute to remember birth weights and ages.
• The baby books take up an entire shelf.
• You have grandchildren the same age as your younger children.
• You always have someone to play Monopoly with.
• You watch the show about the Duggers and you think… “Yeah…so?”
• Noone invites you to dinner after church.
• You take up an entire row in the movie theater.

There are so many more. Anyone have any to add?

image: SXC

Post from: Blisstree

You Know You Are a Big Family When…

For the past 14 years I have been involved with a group of friends on the Internet who also had large families and were homeschooling. When we first met online most of us had a couple of kids. As the years went by the size of our families changed and we went from parenting adolescents to parenting teens to parenting adults to grandparenting. Our roles changed, our friendships grew and at some magical point we became family, although many of us have never met in real life.
When my father died I got flowers and cards, prayers and well wishes from this group. When my mother moved in during the last six months of her life I was given a place to let off steam and frustration, where I knew I would not be judged harshly. When I needed to know how to deal with a particularly difficult discipline issue I knew where to ask.

For the past couple of months I have been transitioning into single parent mode. It is difficult at best and while I am not the only one of our group to have moved in this direction, I am happy to tell you that I am one of a very small percentage that has experienced divorce in our midst. While in my real world various people have various opinions my online friends have been supportive to the point of paying my heating bill last month when I was out of funds. Not many of them would tell you that they are in favor of divorce – I, myself abhor it. However they do love me and in their love they have both prayed and allowed me to walk through one of the most difficult times of my life with a support system that I haven’t found anywhere else. Somehow this group has learned how to love each other irrevocably. The motto might as well be “I don’ t always agree with you but I will defend your right to screw up your life with a passion!”

I don’t know if you have found a parenting support group online or in real life. I do know that I would not be the parent I am today, nor the woman I am today (umm… in a good way) without the help and support of these dear friends. While some may scoff at online relationships I have to say that in this day of cyber-living, the Internet can be a real support group.

If you are looking for online parenting support or homeschooling support you might just google key words like: parenting, moms, big families, homeschooling, etc. Check out a few chatboards. CafeMom is one that comes to mind.

Be yourself, be honest and allow yourself to be real. Develop some type of support group whether on or offline, or both. Life is much easier when you have people willing to share it with you.

image: SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Online Parenting Support

I found this article hard to believe but it was on the Internet so it much be true.  (HA!)

A newspaper from the U.K. called the Daily Mail reports that parents actually have lower blood pressures than people who are not parents.  According to researchers who studied 198 adults those who had children averaged four points lower than those adults who didn’t. The assumption is that parents feel that they have a purpose in life and that this reduces stress in the long run.

I have a few of my own conclusions about this study. I think that a lot of us who parent may just have become numb to the things that tend to raise blood pressure.  When you are pulling junior off the ceiling fan for the umpteenth time you stop having adrenalin responses.  The researchers said that there was no difference in the blood pressures of parents with one child and many children, that it was parenting, not how many children were involved that made the difference.

O.k I am not sure I buy this. I would like to believe that after you have dealt with several children you are calmer than when you have only dealt with one child… or maybe catatonic would be a better word. I think that after having 8 children learn to ride a bike I am impervious to scraped knees, chipped teeth, and goose-eggs on foreheads. Surely there has to be some force in the universe that allows parents with many children an extra measure of calm.

What do you think? Is the research off the wall or valid? Do you think you (as a parent) live with less stress than people who aren’t parents?

image: SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Parenting Reduces Blood Pressure, Seriously

I am always looking for something for my kids to do for Valentines Day. Maybe it is because we homeschool and the kids don’t get the benefit of school parties and such, I’m not sure. Anyway, I try to do a party with the kids and grandkids every year with special Valentine’s Day food and decor and a craft or two. It is always a lot of fun for everyone and a great way to make memories.

Here are a few of my favorites from around the Internet.

• Remember the lacing cards? They are great for fine motor skills and they are just fun. You can make hearts, laminate them and allow small children to lace red, pink, or white ribbon or yarn through them. This is great for a Sunday school class or preschool activity. Kids as young as two can do this easily.  Heart Lacing Activity Pattern
• Most kids will be able to make these cute Valentines Day Hats with a little adult supervision.
• Homemade Valentine’s Cards are always fun. This one has pin pricks in it to let the light through.
• Valentine’s Day Mice from chocolate kisses are not only fun…they are chocolate. Enough said.
• Lollipop Valentines are fun to make for friends. They are a nice option to the boxed Valentine’s Day cards

Even just making cards from construction paper, some lace scraps and some glitter is a great way to spend a winter afternoon. Gather some glue and other materials and give your child free creative rein!

image: SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Best Valentine’s Day Crafts for Kids

I have done a lot of interviews in my blogging/writing career but this one is sort of special. In fact, I may do this a little more often because this interview is with my 17 year old son, Matt.

When I was trying to decide what to write I was talking ot him about his friends, what their issues are, and what their frustrations are and it occured to me that it would be a great interview. So, here it is, an impromptu interview with my son about teenagers and parents.

Me:So, Matt what do you feel is the biggest stress facing teenagers today?

Matt: I think, among the kids I know, it is the parents being over-controlling.

Me: In what way are they over-controlling? How could they (the parents ) handle it differently?

Matt: The top three areas would be:

• Not letting kids dress/look the way they want to
• Not wanting kids to try things that are new (to the parent)
• Not letting kids spend time with their friends

Me:But how could the parents handle it differently?

Matt: Teenagers are going to gripe and complain because thats what they do. No matter how good or bad their lives are they are going to find something to complain about. It is part of growing up and separating from your family. Parents need to build better communication.

Me: How do they do that?

Matt: Parents need to be willing to do activities with their kids that the kid wants to do. Too often the parent wants to spend time with the kid doing what the parent likes. If you really want to get to know you teen you need to hang out with them and share their life to an extent. They need to be open to new ideas and not be closed minded.

Me: So, how about if there is a disagreement on how a teenager should handle something? Let’s say…. the teenager wants to dye theiur hair blue. How can that be handled without causing a rift in the relationship?

Matt: SO, my question to the parent would be “Is it really gonna hurt your kid to have their hair dyed blue?” Because whether the parent likes it or not, dying their hair blue is not going to hurt them. You may NOT want to be seen in public with them but they won’t be hurt and will grow out of it eventually. If you have real problems with it then you need to look inside yourself to see why you have problems with it. Make sure it’s clear why you don’t want them to dye there hair. If you have a good reason, and not just what people think, then you should share your feelings.

Me: When do you feel is the best time to communicate with a teenager?

Matt:Talk to them when there is time to relax and talk. Not when they just get up or are on their way to go do something. Most communication problems are from lack of clarity. The teen says one thing and the parent hears something else and vice versa.

Me: Thanks Matt!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

There you have it…communication ideas from the horse’s mouth so to speak. My son is a thoughtful teenager, and I am proud of him.  We don’t agree on everything but most always can find ways to respect eachother’s opinions.

image: marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

Interview with a Teenager

Everyone knows kids can be fussy eaters. In fact, if we could just keep that dislike of eating boring food into adulthood there wouldn’t be a market for Slimfast.

Kyrie is my fussiest eater. If it isn’t appealing she just won’t bother with it. That would not be quite so worrisome except she just went over 39 lbs at age 6. She was nearly nine pounds when she was born, the smallest of any of my kids….and she has stayed very petite. I worry a little more about her that I normally would because she doesn’t have any extra weight!

She is creative and she likes fun food. I am a little creative but it takes some research to find recipes that she will eat. Sometimes it is as easy as adding a little natural food coloring to something white, like mashed potatoes. Sometimes when I make bread I color part of the dough and make it a swirl. You can even split the dough up in several sections and make each a different color.  Other times I like to add colorful confetti to things by using grated vegetables like carrot, beet, finely sliced spinach, and even some red cabbage grated fine.

You can also make a plate-scapes by using a squirt bottle to create a design with a complimentary sauce right on the plate. I have made peanut butter playdough and then created jelly swirls on the plate. The kids can create figures with the peanut butter playdough and then eat them. You can even make these items “to go” by using a  Bento type lunch kit.

Cut sandwiches with cookie cutters, create whimsical foods, make it fun! It does take a little more thought to use your imagination but it isn’t impossible. The results are fun for you and for your kids.

Here are some posts from Baking Delights that might get the ideas flowing….

Snail (pictured)

Octopus

image: marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

Making Lunch Fun

One of the things that I have enjoyed the most about my time with my kids is reading aloud. Being homeschoolers we have done a lot of it. Being read to starts at birth and goes until you move out at our house – and I like it that way.

Sure, there are times when life gets in the way and we don’t get to read like we want to…but as soon as I can carve out a chunk of time I grab a book and invite the kids to explore a new place with me. There are a lot of benefits to reading a book to your child no matter what age they are. Reading helps your child’s imagination develop, it helps his/her language development and, best of all, it allows him/her to develop a lengthier attention span than the peers that are living on a diet of  comic books, cartoons, and video games.

I can’t tell you how many times we were too engrossed in Narnia to come back home for lunch. I can’t count the number of hours that we spent exploring Middle Earth or hoping that Anne Shirley would forgive Gilbert Blythe. I knew that my reading program had been a success when my children exclaimed in disgust that Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was nothing like the book.

If you want your children to enjoy reading then try reading to them. Find a moment in the day when it works for your family. Bedtime is often good, and helps to settle everyone down…we have used a 3 p.m. “tea time” in the past. While the kids were eating their cookies and drinking tea I would read a chapter…or two…or three….. Dang! Dinner time all ready?

Everyone is going to have their own ideas about what makes a good read aloud. Here are some that we have enjoyed a lot and were easily enjoyed by the various ages represented in my household.

• Charlie and the  Chocolate Factory
• The Black Cauldron
• The Hobbit
• Pippi Longstocking
• Anne of Green Gables
• Black Beauty
• Little House in the Big Woods (and the entire series)
• The Black Stallion
• The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
• Uncle Wiggly books
• The Boxcar Children

There are so many more!

Besides, watching t.v all the time is just not healthy!  Visit the library, find a book you like and grab the kids and start reading. It really builds family time and great memories. And…it gives you an excuse to sit down!

images:sxc

Post from: Blisstree

Turn Off the Electronics and Read Aloud

When I was growing up I was not allowed to make messes – especially not kitchen messes. I really can’t blame my mom for her preference… One time my parents were gone for a few hours and left me home alone. I must have been about ten.  I decided that I was going to surprise them with a cake. I carefully pulled out Mom’s old Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook (circa 1950) and decided on what seemed like a simple vanilla layer cake.

Several hours later my mom walked in to a battle zone. Flour on the walls, ceiling, and everywhere. Batter splashed here and there. And a lop-sided, not very good first attempt at a cake. I would love to give you warm fuzzies and tell you she smiled, thanked me, and ate a bite of the cake proclaiming it delicious but that was not the case. She took one look, hyperventilated and began the loudest scream in the history of the universe. She then unceremoniously dumped the cake in the trash and told me to stay the hell out of the kitchen.

Ooops.

I handle things much different. I put up with the messes because I like what happens in the kitchen when we are all in there. I like having kids that cook and enjoy cooking and food. The messes are momentary in the grand scheme of things.

For some reason cooking brings families together. Whether you are creating a meal or merely baking a batch of cookies it is generally quality time for all. The mess will eventually be cleaned up but the memories will last forever.

My kids spend a lot of time in the kitchen… eating, cooking, talking, spraying each other with water… Someday I may only be cooking for one or two and my kitchen will stay clean and tidy. The house will be quiet. The flour will be in the canister and the refrigerator will be free of fingerprints.  And I will miss these days terribly.

Invite your kids in the kitchen with you. Make the sous chefs, give them something to do no matter how young they are. As they grow you will be glad you did.

image:marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

Getting Kids in the Kitchen

Having eight kids is easy. Simple really. It is the living with them and raising them to be upstanding citizens that is the hard part.  I mean labor pain is fleeting but the pain of seeing your kid on “America’s Most Wanted” is forever.

Not that I have seen them there, I mean.  Both of my adult children are pretty upstanding and the younger ones are still scared of me. I was concerned about Chris for awhile there in his teens but he straightened up o.k. and is currently in the Air Force. The main theme of today’s rambling is: It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.

I think that as parents we get focused in on every little thing our kids do. My oldest daughter, Erin, cut her hair when she was six. I took her to a psychiatrist because I thought she had unresolved hatred issues toward me. It wasn’t true. She had an unresolved pair of scissors in her hot little hands and a lack of adult supervision.

Fast forward a number of years. Another girl-child cuts her hair. Do I take her to a psychiatrist? No, I even it up and finish cooking dinner. Simple really. The difference isn’t in the situations or the children, it is in my response to it. You have to figure that you are going ot over react to everything your first child does and underreact to everything your last child does. It is the Way of the Parent. My older kids love to remind me how hard I was on them compared to how easy I am on their younger siblings. ‘Tis true. As much as I don’t want to admit it I am older, more mellow, and being a single mom with 6 kids at home I am sadly out numbered.

If ya can’t beat them join them.

I don’t have all the answers to life’s parenting problems but one thing I know. It is better to choose you battles carefully than try to discipline for something that your kid is going to outgrow in a year anyway. Things that will bring the wrath of Mom on your head at our house include anything that has to do with character or ethics:

• lying
• meanness
• stealing

Things that I don’t worry about are things like Nick not wanting to wear shoes in the winter or Shiloh wanting to dye her long, gorgeous hair…. bright blue. These things are stages or part of the personality of the child. I don’t need to make a discipline issue out of it. It is my choice and I choose to make it easy.

I have found that my kids eventually grow up, turn into responsible adults, and are too hard on their own kids.  It is the Way of the Parent, Grasshopper. See the creative 20-something in the picture? She is awesome. And her kids are too.

image: from the collection of Marye Audet

Post from: Blisstree

The Way of the Parent

I have said it before. I never thought it would happen to me. Yet here I am…about three months away from my 30th wedding anniversary and I am about to be divorced. There won’t be a 30th wedding anniversary.  At least not for us.

Having been deeply involved in a church that is full of long term marriage this was a shock. It wasn’t what I wanted nor what I expected. And I found out that even your long time friends are affected by the phenomena I like to call “Divorce Cooties”.  You know, you finally look up from the ground where you are laying with your teeth kicked in – take a deep breath – and look around to find that you are staring at the backs of almost  everyone you ever trusted as they scamper away lest they be tainted by your divorce cooties.

People grill your children. Near strangers ask you odd, personal questions and express a little too much criticism for how you are handling things. God forbid, don’t meet anyone else and begin to glue your life back together. Then you get to glue a scarlet A to your chest and change your name to Hester Prynne…. even if you are being as virginal as a 90 year old nun.

Frustrating? Yes.

On the other hand my kids are handling things just fine despite the voiced concerns of people who really haven’t bothered to talk to them. Far from pining away they are working through their hurt, grief and other emotions in a healthy way. We all are.  One of the benefits of keeping those lines of communication open is that you really do communicate.

We are handling this the way any healthy group would handle anything. We talk, we cry, we laugh, we yell, we talk more. Together. And truly, we will get over this… we will get past it..and we will be stronger, better, more compassionate people because of it.

Are you going through divorce? Do you know someone who is? How are you handling the emotions? Are you experiencing the Divorce Cooties Syndrome?

image:SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Divorce Cooties

While you are making resolutions for 2010 in the areas of career and health and personal life go ahead and make a few resolutions about your parenting. Parenting is not easy, not for anyone. Yet, it is one of the most ignored skill areas of people’s lives.

Think about it. People will read books and take classes to enhance their career skills. We go to the gym to have toned, healthy bodies. We may even take cooking classes or knitting classes to be better at the hobbies  we love. How many people will invest that much time in their parenting skills?

Not many.

Yet I see them out in public all the time – parents who seem to have difficulty parenting. Parents who seem not to be able to communicate effectively with their kids and parents who seem to be more caught in a negative cycle with their kids than a positive one.

In light of the New Year, and before you commit to 10 hours a week in the gym, spend a few moments reflecting on your relationship with your kids in 2009. How are you doing?

• Talking. One of the top areas I see that  an awful lot of people need to change is the way they speak to their kids. It is no wonder that so many kids are dealing with self esteem issues! It isn’t just the words…the tone of voice makes a difference, too.
• Listening. Lots of people seem to want to answer before the other person is finished talking. It is rude but worse than that it causes you to jump to assumptions that may not be true. Allow the person you are talking to to finish what they are saying. Pause and reflect and make sure you understand what they said before you answer.
• Touching. People need to be touched, even teenagers! A hug, a hand on the shoulder, use gentle touch to convey love and acceptance.
• Tolerating. Kids are kids and they are going to go through many stages throughout their lives. From playing in the toilet at age 18 months to green hair and black nail polish at 18 years let them explore as much as you can without correcting, insulting, or criticizing. Keep your rules simple and meaningful. See that fine looking Air Force Staff Sergeant up in the picture? Well, he was once a difficult teenager. One of the  more difficult teenagers that I have ever met. Cleaned up good, didn’t he?

Kids are the best thing about being a parent. Resolve to spend time improving your parenting skills this year.

image: marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

Parenting Resolutions for 2010

I don’t have a lot of New Year’s Resolutions. My life has been in so much flux in the past few years that I think my main resolution is to survive in a healthy manner and be a good example to the kids.

So far so good!

But, it is impossible to go into the New Year without thinking of changing some things about yourself and your life. I will be divorced in 2010. I never thought it would happen to me. I had been married for 30 years and I thought that we were working out the glitches that seem inevitable at midlife. I have to admit some pride in the fact that I had been married for so long, that we were a family that according to statistics no longer exists. It was humbling to become a statistic.

The idea of building another relationship from scratch was and is frightening to me. The idea that someone could find me attractive at age 49-almost-50 is a bit of a stretch for me, too. Yes, I will get married again if things work that way because I like being married.  I like everything about being a wife.  And I like sharing parenting duties much more than being the single decision maker.

My goals in 2010 are simply to be more and more the woman that God created me to be and to create the best life I can with what He allows in my life this year. Whether you believe in God or not, that is a simple and yet important goal. Be more of who you really are; create the best you can with what you are dealt.

To do this I must forgive. I must encourage myself to heal. And I must look at those things I did to contribute to the demise of my marriage. In order to move into the future I must let go of the past.

Imagine yourself caught between your past and your future. You can’t go back…it just isn’t possible. You can’t move forward because the weight of all the years behind you is not letting you move. The only wise thing to do is admit the past is past and open your hand to let it go. Cry as it slips away from you if you must but turn your eyes toward all that you have to look forward to. The past is largely a perception created in your own mind. The future is the same. The present is the only reality that you get and while you can’t use it to change your past you can use it to create a stellar future if you want to. After all, in order to raise healthy kids we must be healthy parents.

So, while everyone else is making resolutions?  Just say goodbye and walk into 2010 with freedom. I think it is going to be a very good year. What about you?

image: marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

Happy New Year!

I don’t have a whole lot of free time. I have a career to keep afloat, money to make, a house to restore, laundry and chores to do, homeschooling to get done, and children to train.

Wait. Were they last on the list?

Having a large family allows you to learn one important thing before it is totally too late. They grow up so fast! The time I took for granted with my older kids I cherish with my younger. For many years my family enlarged but now it is shrinking almost yearly. If I am going to have any impact on my kids it must be now.

That means I have to make an effort to put off the important for the more important.

Last summer I made an effort to take time off to take the kids to the local mall. It is the coolest mall ever – outside rather than in. There is a huge section of fountains in the middle and it is meant to be played in. When Texas is 110F those fountains are mighty inviting!

The kids will not remember that I had a 735 credit rating or that I always got my articles in by deadline. They will remember summer nights catching fireflies, and summer days playing in the fountains at the mall. Messy house and special memories?  Within reason that is my choice.

Image: Marye Audet

Post from: Blisstree

Quality Time Is Precious…and Fleeting

Margins are the blank spaces on paper, as most of you know.  They are the areas that were meant to be left blank, to allow the words on the paper to be more easily read, be more important, stand out. Now, some people write in the margins. They doodle in them and fill them up until the actual words on the paper are hard to read. That can be stressful.

Our lives are the same way. You need to leave margins or pockets of time around your activities. If you fill up the margins then you and your kids are going to be stressed constantly. Women are getting better about nurturing themselves I think, or at least understanding why they should. Now that needs to spread to the rest of the family. Kids, especially, are more  stressed than ever before.

Anytime I see a family where everyone is bickering and sarcastic I can guess that they are overloaded with activities. School, work, soccer, piano, skating, playdates…It is absolutely too much and it wears on everyone involved. As the bickering increases Mom often (mistakenly) thinks the kids are spending too much time together or are bored and schedules more lessons and activities. Pretty soon dinner is fast food in the car and the house is little more than a closet.

Margins give us all space to think, breathe, and be recharged. It is a good thing to be bored once in awhile; it breeds creativity. Sure, all of the things you are doing might be educational, healthy, and great but they also may be causing your margins to shrink to nothing.

• When is the last time you just sat around and vegged as a family?
• When was the last time you had a sit down dinner with everyone there?
• When was the last time you played a board game?
• When was the last time you really enjoyed each other’s company?

It may be time to make the decision to pull back from some of your activity. While learning about working together on a team is important, learning to occupy yourself when you are not entertained is also important. Try to give yourself and your family at least 2 hours a day of non-scheduled activity and see if, over a period of time, your house does not relax. Choose the best and let go of the rest!

Image: marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

Create Margins for Less Stress

We never really celebrated New Year much around here. I am not a big drinker, although I do like a glass of wine with dinner, and New Year always seems to me to be an excuse for drinking too much. On the other hand I like to do things with the kids and so New Years crafts and activities are fun ways to make memories.

Maybe you don’t usually do anything for New Years. Maybe you usually leave the kids with a baby sitter and head out for a wild evening. Maybe you do something totally in between. This year, what about a family New Years Eve Party?  Play Trivial Pursuit or Monopoly. Drink Egg Nog. Listen to old music. Gather your family and friends together and just be blessed!

Here are some links to some cool New Year’s Activities for kids:

• Time Capsule is a great way to remember 2009
• Online Coloring Pages
• New Years Eve Slumber Party
• New Years Coloring Pages to Print
• Word Search
• Make Tie Dyed Tortilla Chips
• Chex Mix
• Yummy New Years Hats
• New Years Fun for Kids has a number of ideas
• Glitter Fireworks Picture
• Make a Pinata
• Make Fruit Gel Candy
• Cool Family Party Games

Image:sxc

Post from: Blisstree

New Year’s Activities for Kids

Call them disabilities, differently-abled, or whatever you like; if you have a child that has a physical difference of some sort eventually you will have to deal with it.

My son Sean was born with Unilateral Microtia. That is a very large term which simply means he has only one working ear, the other is almost not there. I didn’t do anything to cause it, as far as I know it doesn’t run in the family, but there it is…and I see it every time I look at my son.

It took me a long time to get over the feeling of guilt. Maybe I didn’t eat right. Maybe I didn’t eat enough organics. The conclusion that I finally came to was maybe I did everything right and it just happened.  Sean’s unilateral microtia means that he is deaf in one ear. His ear, what there is of it looks funny”. And as much as I want to beat up every kid that teases him I can’t.

We have been lucky. I homeschool him and the kids at our church are a pretty accepting lot. Once in awhile someone teases him about it but it is usually a new kid showing off, and it is rare. Sean handles it well. He just tells people that is the way God made him. Period.

There is surgery available to him but it is something I want him to decide for himself. It is a long and involved surgery, painful healing times, and I am not sure that a well adjusted 11 year old needs it. I feel it should be his choice when he is old enough to decide.  We have encouraged him to accept himself the way he is and accept that sometimes other people will disdain him because of his ear. He is o.k. with that.

He has learned to be open with others. If he is in a church situation like Sunday School he knows to tell the teacher if he is having trouble hearing.  For a short time he tried to get out of doing his chores with the “Sorry, mom, I didn’t hear you” card. I figured that out really quick and I make sure he is looking at me when I speak to him. He gets cut no slack for not hearing me.

Accepting a difference of any sort is just that. It is accepting that there is a difference and that you will have to work around that difference. Pretending it doesn’t exist or giving it too much attention are not healthy ways to deal with it. Do you have a child that has a physical difference? How do you handle it when it comes to other kids and social situations?

image: marye audet

Post from: Blisstree

Handling Your Child’s Disabilities