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Rocket Turtle
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad touted the successful removal of several infidel animals from Iran today thanks to the country’s first successful rocket launch.
“As of 9:30 this morning, two turtles, a mouse, and some worms were launched into space,” said Ahmadinejad, “We are pleased to report that when the infidel animals reached the vacuum of space they exploded. No longer will these turtles be the scourge of Iran with their exposed buttockses.”
A proud Iranian Defense Minister General Ahmad Vahidi stood beside Ahmadinejad to provide details of the successful launch.
“The Kavoshgar-3 rocket is designed to propel infidel critters into space at enormous speeds,” said Vahidi, “We believe these rockets, which cost merely $120 million American infidel satan dollars, can be used to launch five critters daily until all infidel critters are removed from Iran.”
“I would also like to add,” continued Vahidi, “That I believe the plural of ‘buttocks’ is just plain ‘buttocks,’ not ‘buttockses.’ Just a thought.”
Ahmadinejad hinted at future plans for the next Kavoshgar series rockets.
“We are looking forward to the construction of Kavoshgar-4,” said Ahmadinejad, “Because that rocket will have a much larger cargo area, capable of carrying several orangutans, a pair of gazelles, or perhaps even a Jew.”
“I would also like to add,” continued Ahmadinejad, “That the plural of ‘buttocks’ is clearly ‘buttockses.’ My Defense Minister must have misspoken. It’s not just ‘buttocks’ or even ‘buttocki.’ I’m just sayin’.”
Vahidi hinted that other rockets may serve dual purposes.
“Yes, Kavoshgar-4 will be capable of holding something the size of a sea lion or perhaps a Jew,” said Vahidi, “But we’re hoping to cross it with some of our other technology so perhaps it could deliver a Jew and a nuclear warhead to another evil satan infidel country who will go unnamed.”
“I would also like to add,” continued Vahidi, “That ‘buttocks’ makes a hell of a lot more sense than ‘buttockses.’ I mean, really. Buttockses? I supposed multiple people sleep on Hammockses.”
Ahmadinejad closed with a message of pride in his country.
“We blew up a mouse, two turtles and some worms,” said Ahmadinejad, “If stupid Americans did that, half the country would riot. We rule.”
“I would also like to add,” continued Ahmadinejad, “That my entire family enjoys sleeping in hammockses and if you and your associates can’t get your buttockses in line, you’ll be going up in the next Kavoshgar-4.”
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Filed under: Fanatics, Humor, Images, Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Middle East, Satire Tagged: Iran Rocket Program, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Political Humor, Political Satire, The Endive, Tony 
