Bipartisan Health Summit Live!

By Scooter Van Neuter

WASHINGTON (Scooter’s Report Live From Blair House Via Blackberry) – This morning a bipartisan group from the House and Senate will sit down with President Obama to discuss the President’s proposed healthcare legislation. I will report this historic event live for the next six hours, followed by commentary and interviews.

I noticed that up close Nancy Pelosi appears to be made of candle wax or perhaps some kind of resin. Her perfume (Elizabeth Taylor’s ‘White Diamonds’, if I’m not mistaken) doesn’t quite conceal an underlying odor of urine and Vicks VapoRub.

So far everyone seems to be friendly, not counting Charles Rangel’s heinous crop-dusting of several Republicans in the hallway. I saw Mitch McConnell retaliate by quietly replacing Biden’s notes with what looks like a comic book.

In a generous display of bipartisanship, Rep. John Boehner presents Speaker Pelosi with a behind the scenes “Swim With Tilikum” guest pass to Sea World in Orlando, which I feel is very classy. Maybe these two sides can come together!

President Obama comes into the room and shakes hands with everybody, then the members are seated at four tables forming a large square, with Democrats sitting in chairs, and Republicans on what look like little stools.  (See Image on next page)   …  

It sounds like someone put a whoopee cushion on somebody’s chair, or maybe it’s Rangel again – I can’t tell. The President is seated in the middle of the “A” table with Biden, Pelosi, Reid, etc. He’s holding an ornate jewel-encrusted goblet of some sort. Pelosi’s dress is a little hiked up, and I momentarily turn gay before looking away.

The President convenes the meeting. Biden thumbs through a couple pages of the comic book, then nods off. President Obama is talking about the skyrocketing expense of healthcare. Oh crap, It looks like I forgot to charge my Blackberry last night so I may ha

Gather Sig

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