"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are." ~ Rachel Naomi Remen

Today, I would like to introduce Gail Konop Baker.   Gail and I crossed paths recently.  In that crossing, I experienced both her generous heart and a bit of her "story".  Her story is one of challenge, of hope, and of a realization of what truly matters in life.  In her early forties, Gail was diagnosed with breast cancer.  From that, she has built herself back up.  In that process, and as part of the journals she kept during those days – a book, Cancer Is A Bitch, was written.

As you think about your life, and wherever you are in that…read along as you experience part of Gail's life. We never know what fully lies in front of us…

1. Tell us a little bit about who “you” are (family, career, any special life experiences you’d like to share, etc.)
Who am I? That is an excellent question and one that I ponder daily.  Sometimes hourly. Who I am has evolved and is evolving over time. Constants? I am a mother of three totally kick-ass children, a writer and a passionate and curious seeker. Things that have evolved in the past few years? I am a published author, professional speaker and marathon runner.  Things still evolving? I am a yoga teacher-in-training and on a perpetual journey to discover who I want to be.

Lance's Commentary: My daughter and I were recently in NYC.  We saw a sign in Times Square, with those words…"Kick Ass".  She took a picture and made it her phone's background….(it didn't last!!). 

2.  You have written a book about your battle with cancer.  Tell us about that process, and what it has meant for you personally.
I never planned to write a breast cancer memoir. I never planned to get the cancer that would prompt that. But in 2006 after just completing my second novel about a woman who finds a lump in her breast and thinks she might have breast cancer and wonders if she’s lived a meaningful life, I went in for my annual mammogram and was diagnosed with ductal carcinoma in situ and a week later had a lumpectomy.

It rocked my world. Stunned and panicked and paralyzed me. And even after I was told it was non-invasive and they got it all out and I was “cured,” I fell into a funk. I couldn’t write, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything other than Google health sites and make homemade batches of organic facial creams and scribble my deepest rawest craziest most intimate thoughts into a journal.

I never planned to show those words to anyone. In fact I wrote them thinking this was a way I didn’t have to burden my friends and family with my crazy thoughts. Nobody I was close to had ever had cancer. Not my parents. None of my friends. And while I knew they cared, I felt alone in my deepest thoughts and fears. Eventually I wrote those thoughts into an essay that I called “CANCER IS A BITCH” and sent it to some trusted writer friends who said it was the most powerful thing I’d ever written. But lose the word, bitch, they both said. Nobody will ever publish like that.

Honestly, I didn’t know what I had written or what to do with it. But soon after that I read that Literary Mama was looking for columnists and on a whim I pitched it as a column and they offered me a monthly column. The responses from readers were so soulful, I was floored. Many hadn’t even had cancer but they either knew someone who had or just responded to the midlife issues that I wrote about. Issues like what it meant to reach midlife and wonder if this was the life I meant to live, if I was the person I’d always meant to be. Next thing I knew I pitched the idea of writing it into a book to a lit agent and he offered to represent me and sold it.

But what I was writing and thinking about evolved over time. At first I thought I was trying to record my thoughts and feelings as openly and honestly and deeply as possible. But after I started connecting with readers, I discovered the more open I was about all aspects of my life, the more universal my message. People responded to my honesty, which, in turn, inspired me to share more of me.

The other major incident was that a good friend of mine was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer and another neighbor with a stage IV brain tumor, both middle-aged. Both were also mothers of children still at home. At that point, my story evolved into a bigger story. I felt this connection to them (even though I was “cured”). And then beyond that a kind of collective grief. I wanted to speak about cancer in order to try to de-stigmatize it. I do believe that cancer is one of the last standing taboos. You say the word and lot of people wince and physically back off. I wanted to give voice to that. To stand in solidarity with those who had been pierced by cancer’s insidious claw.

More than four years have past since my surgery and the whole experience is starting to fade, other than the fact that I wrote a book about it and still speak and talk about it when people ask, and the profound life-altering effect, I have in many ways left the trauma behind and moved on.

Lance's Commentary:   Writing can be therapeutic.  As I read your thoughts, I'm reminded of how true this is.  Sometimes, a pen and paper can offer so much healing…

3.  “Cancer is a Bitch”…the title of your book – gives the first impression that pretty much cancer is a real evil.  Could you describe what inspired the title, and what the real meaning behind this book is.
As I said earlier, I originally wrote an essay inspired by the journals and the first line of the essay was “I am sitting topless in the oncologist’s office on Valentine’s Day. Cancer is a Bitch.”  I guess I meant that cancer is too forceful, it backs you into a wall, it sits on top of you, crushing your sternum, it doesn’t let you say uncle, it doesn’t back down. At least that’s how hearing those words felt to me initially. I thought the title would be changed before publication, they usually are. It is a little hard to roll off your tongue especially in social gatherings; I cleared an adult table at a Bar Mitzvah once. And of course all my 12 year-old son’s friends wanted a copy of it and I worried social services might come and take me away. But I do think the title captures the sassy, edgy, humorous tone of the book.
 
The real meaning of the book is that facing my mortality at such a young age forced me into a midlife reckoning with myself and inspired me to take charge of my life. And eventually soar (well, I’m starting to soar). I hope the message people walk away with is that if or when you get smacked down by a bitch (like cancer or divorce, or an accident, or losing a job, or any other unexpected tragedy), go ahead and wallow and go a little nutty and then you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and do and be exactly what you want to do and be. Fewer “whys,” more “why nots.” No excuses. No apologies.

Lance's Commentary: Gail, this is a powerful example of just how much we value heartfelt honesty.  I can't imagine what it must be like to hear those words…the words spoken to you, telling you that YOU have cancer.  Yet, in your sharing of all of this, I think there's this deeper part of all of us – that of how we connect with caring and honesty.
 
4.  Since writing the book what has this meant for you both personally and professionally?
Professionally? The book launched my writing career.  I had been writing for more than 20 years and while I’d had some minor success publishing in small journals and winning some awards, I hadn’t published a book. While on the road promoting it, I discovered I enjoyed speaking to audiences and that launched my public speaking career.

Personally? The scare and promoting the book inspired me to take even better care of myself.  Since the scare I have run two half marathons and one full marathon, started my yoga teacher training, detoxed my diet and look and feel better than I did in my thirties. I also detoxed my life. I decided now was the time to live exactly the way I’d always imagined.

Lance's Commentary: I love that you've found good out of this!  Cancer is a nasty thing (a bitch, I suppose…).  And from this, I get a real sense that it has helped to propel you into some wonderful directions in your life.  It's so good to hear the positive that has come from a very challenging moment in life. 

5. Tell us one unexpected thing that has happened since writing your book.
I think discovering what a shameless ham I am in front of audiences really surprised me. Not much intimidates or scares me anymore.

6. Gail, what does a typical day look like for you?
I wake around 6:30 a.m. do 10 minutes of meditation starting with a devotion of gratitude. I then do 10-15 minutes of yoga just to get the bodily juices flowing.  Stand on my head to both reverse gravity and get some blood in there. I wake him between meditation and yoga and then go down and let the dogs out and feed them (two yellow labs). Then I squeeze a fresh lemon into a glass of water and make coffee and breakfast, drive my son to school. When I am in focused writing mode (like I have been recently trying to finish up a new book proposal), I try not to get sucked into the internet world that likes to seduce me. Instead, I dive straight into whatever I was working on the previous day, before anything interrupts my brain flow. Two hours minimum. My reward after that is the internet. Facebook is my crack! I answer any pressing e-mails and make a list of practical things I have to do. After that it’s either a run or yoga or on very stressful days, both! Shower and then either more writing or errands or driving the carpool. Or all three! When I am promoting or giving a speech, the day is entirely different. For speaking it’s all about the hair and outfit (kidding… sort of!) and for interviews it’s all about making the same thing I have said many times sound fresh and interesting. I don’t like to rehearse too much for speaking or interviews since I have discovered that I operate better off the cuff.

Lance's Commentary: I find exercise to be so good, and for much more than the physical benefits that really took me down that road.  And – I'm doing my first marathon this year!  So…a typical day for me…involves running (kidding…sort of!!).  We should have coffee someday!

7. Anything new you have coming up?
Yes, I am working on a new book that I am very excited about. The topic is marriage. It promises to be very juicy and humorous and inspiring (at least that’s what I’m hoping).

Lance's Commentary: Marriage can definitely have some juicy and humorous moments…this sounds like a GREAT book!

8.  Deep down, what makes you uniquely “you”? 
I am quirky and curious and very alive. It is hard for me to predict exactly what or whom will turn me on but when I am turned on it’s like high voltage energy gone wild.

Lance's Commentary: "Energy gone wild"!!!  Hey, now that's a pump me up kind of moment!

Closing Comments: Gail, it's an honor having you here!  Your story is inspiring.  As I sit here, never having had cancer…I take this one really important thing from everything you've shared today.  NOW is important.  And am I truly living the life that I desire?  We never know when it could all change.  Thank you for sharing a bit of YOU here today!

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You can keep up with Gail by visiting her website, and following her on Twitter.

"I can think of no more stirring symbol of man's humanity to man than a fire engine." ~ Kurt Vonnegut

Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to have lunch and get to know another Milwaukee blogger, Nate St. Pierre.  What Nate has created, though, is much more than a blog.  He has really created a movement, based around his website, It Starts With Us. 

What is so unique about what Nate is doing, is how It Starts With Us (ISWU) has really become a place to bring people together – from all walks of life and every corner of the globe.  Brought together around the simple idea of doing good in our world.  And that's not to say there aren't a whole lot of opportunities to do that right in our own neighborhoods – as I'm sure there are.  This is really about small, easy acts of good (missions) that can be done –  with a common connection to people from all over the world! 

Please join me as I ask Nate some questions about what has brought him to this place he's at today.

1.  Tell us a little bit about who “you” are (family, career, any special life experiences you’d like to share, etc.)
I laughed when I saw the word "career" in the question. I don't think I've ever had a career as most people would define it. I started out as a janitor at age 14, then during high school and college I worked as a civilian hire for the Air Force. I went to college on academic scholarship to study molecular genetics and organic chemistry, then dropped out of school to go work at a fish cannery in Alaska. When I came back from there, I did some freelance technical writing and desktop publishing. During the dot-com bubble I taught myself basic web design and built a topic-specific search engine directory, which I ran for a while and then sold. From there I moved into land title insurance for a little bit, and then I became a web developer for a big company. After doing that for a while, I became the web team leader and ran that show for a couple of years, until I decided to quit and focus on ItStartsWith.Us full-time. Instead of having a solid career to back me up, I feel that I have a variety of different experiences to draw from, each of which has allowed me to develop a different skill set and perspective on life. I can't say that I'll run ItStartsWith.Us forever, but I can tell you that it's the first job I've ever truly loved.

Lance's Commentary:  The experience at the fish cannery in Alaska has to have some pretty interesting memories!  And…I think you have really hit upon an important thing:  Our life is not just about our career, it's really about our life experiences and the people we've met along the way.  Keep on really living life, my friend!

2.  What led to the creation of the It Starts With Us website?
I was attending a week-long leadership training course for my job in November of 2008, and one of the sessions focused on completing self-assessment exercises. "What are your skills, talents and interests, what do you enjoy doing, etc." – that kind of thing. After writing all that down, the idea was that you should try to do something in your life that would speak to those qualities. With that in mind, the instructions were to write for 20 minutes based on the question presented on the next page. When I turned to the page, I saw that it was blank, except for the phrase, "Next year, I will . . . " at the top. I scribbled furiously for 20 minutes, and when I was done, I looked back to see what I had written. Today I don't remember anything about that page except what I wrote for the first line: "Next year, I will change the world."

I thought about what that meant for a few months, and realized that I could never do very much on my own. But I thought that if I could build a system that would enable people to participate quickly and easily, feel like part of a team, have fun, not pay a dime, and actually see the life-changing results of their work, then they would engage with the project. And with so many people engaging, we literally could change the world.

Lance's Commentary:  Nate, what you have created with the It Starts With Us movement is incredibly soul-touching.  You ARE changing the world – in some amazing ways!

3.  Nate, when I think about your site, I think about how I can personally make a difference in the world – and how your site helps facilitate a way to do that.  Am I close to what you see your mission as?
Indeed. The vision of ItStartsWith.Us is to change the world. The mission – the way we do that – is to make a positive impact in the lives of the people around us . . . in just 15 minutes a week. Anyone and everyone can give 15 minutes a week towards helping out their neighbor, loving their family, working on their attitude, or joining us in one of  our shared missions, like writing a letter to a sick child or dropping a Love Bomb on someone in need. When I assign the weekly missions, I try to make them small enough to be attainable, but big enough to make a measurable difference in someone else's life, and also your own.

Lance's Commentary:  What's so great about this is the minimal time commitment that is really necessary to be a part of this.  Anyone can do it!!  And – the whole collective of this is so powerful!

4.  Tell us about the weekly missions, and how they have impacted you personally.
I like to think of the weekly missions as a gentle reminder to keep our eyes open to the good we can do in this world as we walk through life. There's no pressure to do them or not – nobody's keeping score. It's very easy to delete the email or unsubscribe from the list altogether. We've been running missions for right around a year now, and I've done every single one I've assigned. And you know what? It was hard for me. It made me stretch a little bit. I'm a huge introvert, and I'm not the friendliest person (my family and friends can attest to that). But doing these missions each week has opened my eyes to so many things I can do better in this life. I've found so many ways to make a difference for others, even if it's just as simple as a friendly smile, a quick chat on the street, or a small offer of help. And the surprising thing is, as much as the people I serve appreciate the little things I do, I'm the one who gets the biggest benefit. My outlook on life is better. My attitude is more positive. My days are more joyful. It's really been amazing, and it seems the old adage is true – when you serve others, you really do get back more than you give.

Lance's Commentary:  I've been a member since our lunch meeting back in late winter of this year.  While I haven't done every mission, I have done most of them.  And that's the thing.  Some weeks we get busy, can't get to every email that comes in, etc, etc.  And that's what works here.  I do this when I can.  And it's a win-win when I do.  Someone benefits from whatever "kindness" is being put out there this week.  That's not nearly it, though – I come away from all of this a better person, and am touched by each one of these missions that I participate in! 

5. Tell us one unexpected thing that has happened to you in the last year.
I think the most unexpected thing is what I mentioned just above – that I was changed as a result of this project. I began it because I believed in the idea and thought I could bring a lot of people together for the common good, but I was totally amazed by the way it transformed me right from the beginning.

Lance's Commentary:  I love this!!  When we transform ourselves in amazing ways, what a great place to be!

6.  If you had to pick one thing as your greatest achievement, what would it be (and why)?
With this project, or with life? Hmm. I'll pick the "with this project" option, because it's easier. With this project I'm most proud of the fact that we've been able to make such a difference for so many people. We started out with 18 members a year ago, and today we have over 2,000 members in dozens of countries. In just one year we've been able to get to the point where we're now pumping hundreds of hours of community service into the world each week in an organized, directed and effective way. And we've been able to do it with no funding – just a desire to make a difference. I wish I could share all the notes, calls and emails I receive on a weekly basis about what the team has done – we truly do touch hearts and change lives. It's incredible to be a part of that.

Lance's Commentary:  Hundreds of hours….fifteen minutes at a time!!  How cool is that!!

7. Anything new you have coming up?
Dude, I always have something new coming up.  Right now I'm working with a couple of people on two spin-off sites: Love Bomb and Love Drop. The Love Bomb subgroup is already very active, so we're going to turn that into a standalone project to better focus the efforts of those members. Love Drop will be a true 501(c)3 charitable organization centered around the micro-giving concept, where interested people join the group and donate either $1.00 or $5.00 a month, and at the end of each month we ask our members if they know of anyone who could use some financial help, and then we'll direct virtually all of that money to the chosen recipient. I try to keep the main ItStartsWith.Us team away from any monetary giving, so this will give interested parties the opportunity to give back financially.

The biggest thing I'm working on right now, however, is the business offering of the project. Last month I quit my job to focus on ISWU full-time (putting 30 hours a week into the project on top of my full-time job for the last year was getting a bit rough). I'm now working with large organizations and businesses to utilize the ISWU model to mobilize their members to give back in a fun, free and effective way. I've custom-built all the tools necessary for businesses to adopt this model and have the same kind of success that we're having, and I'm doing personal consulting to help them implement the system and make a real impact with it. Even better, when these organizations contract with me to adopt the ISWU platform, they also become part of the leadership network I've formed, and part of our quarterly initiatives . . . which will be huge missions consisting of people from different companies and groups all over the world, where we all work together to do something for one person, one family, or one organization . . . all at the same time. Imagine all of us coming together to grant a wish for a child in the Make-a-Wish Foundation, which is one of the places I'm going be looking to partner with. The world has never seen the kind of things we're going to be able to accomplish this year. It's going to make a huge difference – and be a lot of fun at the same time.

Lance's Commentary:  I've been a part of the Love Bomb group for several weeks.  What a moving experience, to be able to offer some words of encouragement and love to one person who has a lot they are dealing with.  And – how awesome that you are able to focus on ISWU full-time!  The whole idea of taking this into business, too, makes so much sense:  what a great way to unite a common group of people around a common cause!

8.  Deep down, what makes you uniquely “you”?
Had to end with a tough one, didn't you? Hmm. Okay, how about this? I'm a business-minded idealist. Meaning, I have the values, passion, dedication and drive of someone who wants to change the world, but I'm doing it in such a way that it makes sense to those with the money and power to help make it happen. I talk to executives about how adopting the ISWU platform will help with employee engagement, recruitment and retention, and about how the real-world results they get with their group will be worth much more in positive brand-building than what they're currently spending from their advertising and PR budgets. I show them how being a part of this network affects their bottom line and is actually profitable for them, and then when they join, I fly out to their headquarters and show them how to run their own group that touches hearts and changes lives. Yep. Just like what we're doing now. And since I give them all the tools and all the expertise they need for a very reasonable price, ISWU becomes a self-sustainable business . . . in the business of changing the world.

So that's how I feel I'm unique – I'm someone who believes that absolutely everyone is in a position to do amazing things for the common good. Passionate individuals, small companies, global brands, non-profits, educational organizations, celebrities, regular folk . . . as long as we work together in an organized, effective and sustainable way, we'll be able to do things that have never been done before. It is certainly possible. In fact, it's even easier than you think. And I'm excited about getting it done.

Lance's Commentary: Hey, I can't make all of these easy!!  You are creating something that is very special and meaningful for everyone involved.  That, coupled with the new directions you have planned – and you are indeed changing the world…in very life-connecting ways!

Closing Comments:  Nate, as I read that quote by Kurt Vonnegut up above…you ARE the fire engine!  And all these people signing up to be a part of the team become the water.  Wow!!  From this…WE are all changing the world!  Your creation of It Starts With Us is the catalyst for bringing together people to collectively make a big difference in our world, one step at a time!  I am honored to be part of this amazing movement! 

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You can keep up with Nate and the It Starts With Us movement by visiting his website, following him on Twitter, and subscribing to his Facebook page.

S I L L Y !!

Now there's a FUN word!  Say it a couple of times.  See!!  Can you even say that word AND be grumpy at the same time?  I don't think so!

To add to the silliness around here, today I have a special guest who will share four strategies she uses to bring out the silly!  Please welcome Joy Tanksley, from Being Joy.  I've only recently gotten to know Joy…and that name, Joy, is so fitting for her!!  Just look below at that FUN picture…now doesn't that have JOY (and SILLY) written all over it!! 

Really, check out her site – it is chock-full of pure fun (like her dancing!!!). 

Today, Joy is not only wearing her bra in a different spot…she is also giving us all some great ways to get our own SILLY on!

Four Surefire Strategies for Getting Seriously Silly

 

Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-gumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
'Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
That ain't been there before.
 ~ Shel Silverstein

Silliness is a virtue that is often overlooked and highly underrated. But I had the good fortune of learning its value from my incredibly silly mother. It would totally embarrass her if I told you that she would often perform the “gas ballet”, doing grande plies and dramatic leaps while making the unmistakable sounds of flatulence with her mouth. So I won’t tell you she did that. Suffice it say that silly is part of my pedigree, and, in my expert opinion, we could all benefit from being a little more absurd, foolish, and ridiculous on a regular basis.

Here are four of my personal favorite ways to get seriously silly:

1. The Jelly Butt Game
This must be done in a public place and with a person who is easily embarrassed. Without any warning, begin gently swaying back and forth and bending your knees. Exclaim, “Uh oh! Oh no! It happened! I have Jelly Butt!” At this point, move your body as if your rear end has turned into complete jelly. It’s best if you fall into your companion for support. But watch out! Jelly Butt is contagious. Your friend might someday return the favor by having a surprise attack of Jelly Butt at your expense.

2. Bark Like a Dog
If you haven’t tried this, it’s a must. I can’t tell you how good this feels. Let go of all inhibitions. Get LOUD. Try different types of barks – from yippy to bellowing. Throw your head back and bark your head off! This one is delicious when done alone but is also great with a group.

3. Foot as Telephone
The next time someone’s foot is within reach, make a ringing noise like a telephone. Then answer their foot. They will be totally caught off guard, and will likely begin laughing hysterically. Try to keep a straight face and carry on a one-sided conversation, such as, “Hello? Yes, this is she. No, I am not interested in taking a survey, thank you very much. Well, there’s no need to get snippy!”

4. Wear Underclothes on your Head
This is a classic for a reason. It’s pricelessly funny, and especially so when combined with a goofy dance. I’m a big fan of bras worn on the head, with the strap going down around the chin. Underwear works, too. And it doesn’t have to be yours.

I challenge you to try at least one of these techniques and see how it makes you feel. As the famous philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein said, “If people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.”

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Joy brings the silly, and all sorts of other great stuff at her insightful and fun blog, Being Joy.  Check it out today!

Silly Alert!  This weekend I'll be in New York City, with The Levity Project, celebrating World Laughter Day!  And it's not too late to join in.  The more the merrier (and sillier!)!!  To register for this free event, click HERE, or visit the link in the sidebar. 
 

"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are." ~ Rachel Naomi Remen

Today I have a very special guest here (she's from Wisconsin – we could be neighbors…), discussing a topic that is all too often shoved under the covers.  Please help me welcome Maggie, who has created a wonderful resource for anyone out there suffering from the horrors of domestic violence, sexual abuse, and rape. 

Maggie has a personal blog, Okay, Fine, Dammit, that she has had for some time.  About a year ago, after writing a local piece on domestic violence, Maggie felt the deeper need for creating a place where people could share their own personal stories – and to bring some peace and healing in the process.  From that, she created the Violence Unsilenced website.

Violence Unsilenced (VU) is that place where people can share, in their own words – from their personal experiences from domestic violence, sexual abuse, and rape.  Please note: reading the VU site can be emotionally challenging and all the stories are very real. It's in these stories, though, that the violence, pain, and suffering can find some possibility of healing.  It's also a place where each of us, through the voices of those who have been there, can more deeply see how heinous these acts are.  And in that, perhaps we can all take a few more steps towards a healing and meaningful compassion for all our brothers and sisters in this world.  

Please read along, as Maggie shares a more in depth look at who she is and what she has created.

1.  What led to the creation of the Violence Unsilenced website?
Back in 2008, I wrote an article profiling seven domestic violence survivors for a city magazine – and the experience changed me. Then one night, right around that same time my article ran, there was a domestic violence death in my community. In a fit of sadness, I vented on my personal blog (Okay, Fine, Dammit) – and the response was very intense. There were clearly a lot of people impacted by abuse. On top of that, I knew how cathartic the magazine experience had been for the survivors I profiled, and decided I wanted to keep that momentum going. I was well aware by then in the power of the blogging community, and I had a lot of confidence in my fellow bloggers. I knew we could do this together. In writing the article I learned that one in four women will be a victim of abuse in her lifetime. I thought about how small each of our blogging communities can be, and how well we think we know each other. The assumptions we make, the things we don't see. I thought, why don't we show the blogosphere just how prolific and encompassing abuse is?

From the very start, VU was a collaborative process. My blog readers contributed their input, their stories, helped choose the name, and helped spread the word – so much so that on the very first day VU went live, there were several thousand visitors. That was over a year ago, and I believe it's still a very collective effort.  I’ve said this before, but I hope when people think of VU, they don't think of me – they think of the survivors and the supporters. It's a good day when I overhear someone talk about the "people over at VU," rather than the "person."

Lance's Commentary:  Maggie, I find much hope in what you have created.  And for me, personally, I really believe it touches upon love and compassion…in the hearing of these stories. 

I think about that figure, 1 in 4 women will be the victim of abuse.  And as I think of the women I know in my life, I really hope that it's way off (although reality tells me it's probably not).  Proof of that made it's appearance just yesterday – as I read the words of a blogger friend, Jill (who gave permission to link to this – thank you, Jill) who just happened to share her own story of sexual assault on her site.  Jill – know that I see you as a brave and courageous soul.

2.  Maggie, I look at what you have created, and find such great hope in the message that you are creating.  As this has evolved over the last year, what has this whole project meant to you?
Even though I knew there were a lot of people with these types of stories, I was still shocked by the sheer volume of responses. I’ve had a 4-6 month wait list from day one, and here it is a year later with no signs of slowing down. So many stories waiting to be told… it’s both terribly sad, and incredibly hopeful. I am bowled over every day, both by the strength of the survivors and the compassion of the readers. I feel blessed that I get to watch this humanity in action right here on my screen.

Lance's Commentary:  Your community is such a supportive one, and what a gift that is to everyone. 

3.   Tell us about these shared stories that you post  – and have they touched you personally?
To be honest, it’s very difficult to be regularly exposed to so much trauma and suffering. I admit I have had to learn to limit my time with the project, and to take care of myself emotionally. But yes, every single one of them touches me personally, because these are not just auto-posted—there is a process I go through with each survivor to make sure he/she is absolutely certain he/she wants to be published, and is accordingly supported and aware of the risks. Afterward, I feel very bonded to each survivor. It’s a very personal and humbling experience, and it happens twice a week. Ultimately, despite the sad content of the posts, it’s always a positive thing for me. Speaking the truth out loud seems to make these survivors even stronger, and I get to bear witness to that miracle—which makes me a better person, I believe. I can’t even remember my life before VU.

Lance's Commentary:  As sad as it can be to read these stories, I also find much hope in the sharing of them.  I very much get a sense that there is a healing in the sharing.  I also believe that I, myself, feel an even deeper level of compassion for the world around me after reading a story on VU.  So, as difficult as these stories are – the public sharing of them really is so good for everyone.

4. Tell us one unexpected thing that has happened since creating Violence Unsilenced.
I didn’t know that it would be so widely and unconditionally supported. I thought it might be a project inside my reading circle, but I didn’t expect the wide-reaching, consistent promotion that so many people (like you, for instance) feel compelled to do. I am so grateful to you, and to all of them. We are seriously doing this together.

Lance's Commentary:  Maggie, know that I believe that you have created a wonderful gift in VU, and it's an honor to have you here.

5. Outside of VU, what’s a typical day for Maggie look like?
My daughters are 10 and five, so they go off to school now. I have a writing studio I rent to do my work, which is freelance writing—I write magazine articles for a living. My family and my personal time are the most important things to me, so I build my schedule around that. I do quite a lot of running around, but ultimately my favorite thing is to hold very still as often as I possibly can.

Lance's Commentary:  I'm guessing that guy in the picture with you is the guy you call husband!  And it sounds like you have a wonderful family life – savor all the moments!  And in that stillness, much clarity….

6. Anything new you have coming up?
I’m speaking at BlogHer ’10 in New York City this year, on a panel about utilizing community for change. I really feel deeply that there’s a lot of power out there in the blogosphere to be harnessed for good, and I’m also very reverent of writing. I think something is lost in the chaos of the social ladder-climbing, popularity, and promotion in abundance in blogging today. It’s so different from the way it was when I first got started, and though there have been very positive changes, it can also be very discouraging. There’s a whole lot of little-known blogs out there where incredibly good writing is going down, and I guess I’d love for people to widen their viewfinders a bit.

Lance's Commentary:  Your message is such an important one – so that's great about you getting out there and spreading the word.  You will touch many more lives, in amazing ways, and

7.  Deep down, what makes you uniquely “you”? 
This is probably a very tough question for anyone to answer about him/herself. I don’t know what makes me me, but I know what I value most in the people I care about—integrity and compassion. I may fall down a lot, but I try to emulate those traits as much as I can. I also love how different we all are, and personally I’m glad we’re not all trying to be like each other.

Lance's Commentary:  I fall down a lot too.  And perhaps that is all part of the journey we are each on.  There will be moments when we are making great strides, and then others where we slip and fall.  And in those moments when we fall, the beautiful part is that we CAN get back up.  And that's not any more evident than in the VU website, and the people who share so openly their stories.  And in that unsilencing of the violence….they can get back up.  And perhaps we can get back up, too….touched by compassion and love.

Closing Comments:  Maggie, it is an honor to have you here and sharing a bit more in-depth look at what Violence Unsilenced is all about and what is has come to mean to you.  I know you don't feel like this is just you out there creating this.  I still want you to know, though, that you shine your amazing and beautiful light into our world…and that does make it a better place.  You have given survivors of some really bad things a place to safely share and move further down that path of healing.  What a wonderful gift you are! 

Thank you, once again, for being here.

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You can keep up with Maggie by visiting the Violence Unsilenced site or her personal blog, Okay, Fine, Dammit.  Keep up with her on Twitter, @maggiedammit .

Note that I have also added a badge to my sidebar in support of what Maggie is doing.  If you are interested in joining in support of this, you can Take the Pledge right here.

photo credit: kaneda99

“It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” ~ Sir Edmund Hillary, New Zealand mountaineer and explorer

We head out into this life we're living, a journey in some direction.  For each of us.  And along that journey, we encounter crossroads, new paths, paths less traveled, paths traversed quite well.  These paths – and there are millions of them out there in this world we call "life" – are all directions we can choose to go in.

Choice.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose." ~ Dr. Seuss

Today, I am putting the feet that I have into a good pair of running shoes.  I am choosing to compete in my first marathon.  The Milwaukee Lakefront Marathon.  October 3rd, 2010.

26.2 miles.  That is the mountain.  And yet, it will become not this mountain that I conquer, but myself. 

This conquering of myself will be no easy task.  There will be moments of doubt.  In fact, I know this – as there have already been moments of doubt.  There will be aches and pains that I haven't felt before (and there already have been).  There may be moments where I question what I was thinking in signing up.  There will surely be moments where I won't want to put in another long run. 

That's why I've brought on the best coach – Coach Lori.  She's been there.  She knows what it's like – the training, the time, the aches, the challenges…and the conquering of ourselves. 

And that's it.  As amazing as I anticipate it will be to cross that finish line, the bigger thing for me here, is the going deeper within myself.  This WILL be a challenge for me.  A challenge both physically and mentally.  It's in this challenge, that – in the words of Sir Edmund Hillary – I will conquer myself.  And perhaps I have already.  At some level, I have.  With the challenges, the mountains, that I have faced already in life.  This becomes a new layer, as I go deeper within.  A new conquering of myself. 

Perhaps that is really it.  On this life journey we are each on, there will continue to be new challenges for us to face.  Some of these challenges will be ones we bring on, and other will happen by chance.  I believe very much that the challenges we choose to conquer for ourselves will better prepare us for all that lies ahead. 

Today I choose the Milwaukee Lakefront Marathon as that next challenge, and the next conquering of myself.

The journey continues…

As it does for all of us.

"At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities." ~ Jean Houston

Whoa!  I look at this picture of myself and laugh!  Go ahead, join in WITH me!!!  (honestly, I DON'T wear that tiara anymore!!!) (and…I did NOT wear that lipstick!!!)

Laughter is a pretty wonderful thing!   Hey, I am ALL FOR IT!!  How about you?  Does laughter rock your boat?

ANNOUNCEMENT:  Today I am officially joining Katie West and Ina Lukas in partnership with creating the next phase of The Levity Project.  I will continue to write here in this space, and can now also be found at The Levity Project, and more directly involved in the events and direction of where that program is going. 

The Levity Project is a social movement to foster buoyancy, laughter, play, and freedom as the new paradigm in social design. We engage in public acts of levity in which people gather in a flash setting to en-lighten the energy of a public place and those within it.  These events are designed to foster a sense of lightness and connection to all who are present.

Katie and Ina are both incredibly talented women, and it is an honor to work beside them in bringing more laughter, play, and celebration into our world! 

Stop by and check out what The Levity Project is all about!!

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And speaking of The Levity Project…check out what's coming up! 

World Laughter Day!

The Levity Project will be there!  And celebrating!!  In style!! 

When:  Sunday, May 2nd, 2010, 10 AM – 12 noon (ET)
Where:  New York City, NY
Who:  YOU!!!  Join Katie, Ina, and I in a celebration of laughter and life!
Cost:  FREE

Are you near New York City?  Do you know someone who is?  Come by yourself and join the fun!  Come with your family!  Come with your friends!  All are invited to join in this celebration!!  A celebration of laughter and fun!!  And…the more the merrier!!  Share this with anyone you know who is remotely close to NYC – let's rock the day with laughter, joy, and love to the world!!

To sign up, click here. 

Details of our meeting location will be emailed out to everyone prior to the event. 

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Thank you for your support here in the Jungle, and I look forward to connecting on an even deeper level both here and at The Levity Project!

Note:  If you are having trouble viewing this video, please click here.

Some days my vision blurred.
Fall down.
Am lost.
Out in this great big world.

And still.
A guiding hand to offer help..
A voice from distance far.
A human spirit so close to me.

Footprints we do impart.
A journey down this path.
A jungle, this life can seem.
Much clearer, when you're with me.

Like a sunrise in the morning,
Lighting up a brand new day.
Your light it brightly shines,
Connecting you, your soul, to me, to mine.

And there is peace.
And there is love.
And there is unity.

As I pause and reflect back over the past one hundred weeks, what I am most inspired by are the deep and caring conversations that have developed around a single thought each week.  Each one of you has been a gift.  You, who have read these words and let them touch your soul.  You, who have shared deep and meaningful comments.  You, who have shared very personal stories, both publicly and privately.  Every one of you, being here, is a gift.  A gift to me, and a gift to each other.  And the parting thought that I keep coming back to is that we are here, together, on this earth.   All of you make this life journey more meaningful for me, and for each other.  With deep gratitude, I thank you for the gifts you have so beautifully been.

Together…we are one.

Peace, love and unity.

~ Lance Ekum (April 2010)

Note:  A special thank you to Natalie Merchant and the Perkins School for the Blind for the beautiful music.

Note:  If you are having trouble viewing this, please click here.

"The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough." ~ Rabindranath Tagore

A W E S O M E !!

Rain hair.

Getting grass stains.

The smell of crayons.

Picking up a q and u at the same time when playing Scrabble.

A W E S O M E !!

Those little things in life that happen and we don't even really think about all that much.  You know what I mean?  Like dangling your feet in the water.  Or maybe…jumping in and doing a perfect cannonball!  In the grand scheme of things, these are really pretty small moments in our life.  Still, are they not what makes this life we are living grand?

I've been reading a book that is filled with all sorts of these examples!!  And what a FUN book to read! 

The Book of Awesome.

And reading this book is all sorts of AWESOME!

It all had its simple beginnings as a website – created by a super great guy, Neil Pasricha.  His website, 1000 Awesome Things, begin as this list of those moments we have in life that really are awesome…and at the same time, they are just simple things that could happen any day. 

Simple things, small moments…that are simply AWESOME!

And today he is releasing a book  that chronicles these and more!

The Book of Awesome.

As I paged through this book, I just couldn't put it down!  Reading it brought up all sorts of great memories, and found me shaking my head in agreement!  AWESOME is all around us!  And there are all sorts of moments we all have that really are all of that – AWESOME!

This book is such a feel-good read!  And even more than that – it's a reminder to me of just how cool those little things are that we sometimes just take for granted…

Like popping bubble wrap!!!!!

A W E S O M E !!

Today's special guest is a regular visitor around here, and someone who has a lot of fun in life and in his writing.  When he's not saving lives or out for a long run, you can find him as a regular contributor over at the CalorieLab website.  Please help me welcome Dr. J, as he shares a very special story about his sister, and what her presence has meant in his life.

A little bit about Dr. J, in his own words:
I am a Florida surgeon and fitness freak with a black belt in karate.  I run 50 miles a week and fly a Cherokee Arrow 200.  Of course it wasn’t always like this. I once had a carefree life, riding my bike, playing with my dog, but then school educated me and there was no turning back.

Eventually I had more letters after my name than in my name, a mortgage and a job at a major university with a lizard as it’s mascot and known better for it’s football team than most any other accomplishment. In my spare time I have added some skills which are both useful and fun, became a runner and found the Internet. Thanks to CalorieLab, I have been lucky enough to have been writing the Dr. J will see you now column for almost two and a half years. This has allowed me to go beyond the surgical arena and offer my irreverent, slightly irrelevant, but possibly useful opinions on life, health, and fitness.

A Brother's Story

 

photo credit: Arwen Abendstern

“Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” ~ Michael Jordan

I don’t think anything can ever surpass the joy parents feel with the birth of a child! I know it was a special day for my parents when the J-Sister was born. My mom had several miscarriages prior to that blessed day as my folks wanted a girl to complete and balance their family vision, already having two driving-them-crazy growing young boys! Mom however was not able to conceive again. Because of this situation, there was a difference with this child, because unlike the random chance of my brother and I, the J-Sister was a chosen child.

Yes, she was adopted, although for all of us, this is merely a description, not an emotion. She was a lovely child, and unlike with my brother and I, those first few years were an effortless voyage for my happy parents. Then small differences began to arise. She was not talking as soon as my brother and I had, but then we were very early talkers. She was not responding as quickly to external stimuli as my brother and I had, but then we were boys. She was not the same as my brother and I, but then she was adopted and we were not. Eventually, however, the differences became too great, and the rationalizations became less comforting and answers needed to be found.

When my sister was four years old she underwent a very comprehensive evaluation of her situation and the result of this was that she was deemed mentally retarded, hopeless, and the recommendation was made to be prepared to institutionalize her for life because of her deficiencies and inability of be a normal person.

Whether retarded, or handicapped, or developmentally delayed, or any other politically or non-politically termed phrase is used, I can’t imagine it being any less devastating to a parent to hear that their child will never be normal.

I’m sure for my parents, that moment felt like a car going full speed and suddenly running into the side of a mountain! The thing was, my parents, with dreams shattered, faced this moment with a courage almost beyond what I can imagine. Rather than sit feeling sorry for themselves in that car wreck and settle for this diagnosis of hopelessness, they decided that it was their chosen mission to raise this child. My parents began at that moment, using every skill and facility that they could summon to aid in this unimaginable endeavor, to dig a tunnel through that mountain, though there was no light in sight in that slow moving burrow, yet they persisted with a consistent strong determination to get to that other side, that imagined better place.

So the process began, one vowel and consonant at a time, one button and button hole at a time, one shoe lace and one grommet at a time. I’m sure when Velcro came along my parents felt it was one of the greatest of humankind’s inventions!

With this magnificent effort, my sister began to show progress, albeit very slowly, but it was enough of a reward to help keep the process going.

As my sister's abilities grew, she ventured out onto the street where we lived. I can sadly recall her running home, tears on her cheeks yelling with her limited vocabulary, “Yeve me ayone” to the neighborhood children who had noticed her difference, and she was different, as they picked on her without mercy. My brother and I had probably contributed previously, as any older brothers might, though not with cruelty, to her practice with that useful defensive phrase.

My parents stayed steady with that mission, spending every available moment working with my sister, finding schools and outreach programs that specialized for children with these obstacles. She eventually attended a special high school established by the Kennedy family in Hyannisport, Massachusetts, and went on to be married in Salinas, California, after meeting a young man in Oakland while attending a special program there. My wedding present for the happy couple was a honeymoon in Carmel, which I chaperoned for them. (very discretely I might add)

Today my sister is a completely self sufficient, fully employed, socially exceptional individual with numerous friends and accomplishments. Yes, she is still different, that can not be hidden, but it does not deter her. On a family vacation not that long ago, I personally witnessed her walk into a room with fifty people, and within 15 minutes every one of them knew her, and liked her!  She has not let her differences keep her from being all the person she could be. When we talk, I may mention some challenge or difficulty I am facing and it is not uncommon for her to say, “You can do it, J!” This coming from someone who certainly knows what it is to do it when only a select few believed in her.

So if you are thinking that, perhaps with your weight and fitness, or any other challenge that is in your path, that this mountain in front of you is insurmountable, think of that mountain that my sister climbed, and is still successfully climbing, and if you feel that you just can’t, remember her words to me, “You can do it,” because you know, like her, you really can!

Paradise right here in our pockets….that sounds pretty sweet!

Today I have Tess Marshall here, from The Bold Life, to share her wonderful writing.  Tess is filled with a deep love for life, and even beyond that – she has this real zest for the life she lives!  BOLD is a fitting word to describe the passion she has for truly living!

Please read along, as Tess shares…

Pockets of Paradise

 

photo credit: Witheyes

“A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

(This post was inspired by Ardath Rodale of Rodale, Inc.)

Do your remember when you were a kid what kind of "stuff" you'd put in your pockets? Things you wanted to treasure and put away for safe keeping.  I can remember stuffing my pockets with notes passed in class from best friends, a four leaf clover found at recess and chewing gum that wasn't allowed. Precious things that defined my life as a kid…that's what I stuffed in my pockets.

When I took out my spring sweater last week in the pockets I found a Starbucks gift card, missing earrings, and a peppermint…little pocket presents or surprises. Each treasure brought back a memory…and I smiled.

Everyday small miracles, delights and surprises fill our lives. I saw a lizard climbing the wall in my back yard today, my geranium had a new bloom and a morning dove was singing softly as I watered some flowers. These for me are moments of bliss…appreciation…mine for the keeping.  Today I'll slip these pieces of paradise in my pockets.

On my quick 3 mile run this morning I felt spring in the air, birds chirping and bushes blooming. When I returned I made fresh squeezed orange juice with the oranges I bought on a nearby farm the day before.  I pocketed these everyday mementos as well. They help me feel all is right in my world.

Bits of paradise also come when someone tells you to "keep the change" or when you receive an unexpected text message from someone you love. I  also fill my pockets when I experience kindness, compassion and love.

My grandchildren and oldest daughter are coming for a visit over their spring break next week. From the moment we pick them up from the airport, until the day they leave, our home will be filled with their "big and happy" energy. We're going to hike, swim, watch movies and eat ice cream. My pockets will be overflowing with mementos of laughter, fun and excitement. I 'll place the paradise experiences in my pockets to be emptied after they're gone and all is quiet again. 

Daily we have numerous opportunities to give and receive experiences of love, joy and happiness. We can witness miracles happen in nauture. We be kind and loving to those around us. Noticing, appreciating and savoring paradise moments will make your heart happy.

Keep your everyday gems and treasures in make believe pockets. Carry them with you always. You'll feel like you're on top of the world!

Please share with us what bits and pieces of paradise you have in your pockets today.

About Tess

Tess Marshall is the mover and shaker, at The Bold Life, where she’ll hold you accountable for being the boldest you’ve ever been in every area of your life!  What would you do if you were 10 times bolder? Sign up for her RSS feed and receive updates. You can also follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
 

 

Laughter

 

"The human race has but one really affective weapon, and that is laughter." ~ Mark Twain

Preface:  Random Acts of Kick Arse is a movement to bring more of {monthly theme} into our lives, and the lives of those around us. 

March Theme:  Laughter.  Find ways to incorporate/see more laughter in the world.

The Results:  How often to you laugh out loud?  Really laugh??

Did you know that laughing can:

• Lower blood pressure
• Increase vascular blood flow
• Give parts of your body a real workout!
• Increase the response to disease-killing cells within your body
• Reduce the frequency of colds and other respiratory ailments
• Increase memory and learning
• Improve alertness and creativity

And to top all of that off…laughter just simply FEELS GREAT!!!

Laugh with me right now!!!   Ha Ha Ha Ho Ho Ho !!!!  (did you???)

As I look back over the last month, I'm trying to recall how much I laughed.  And I don't remember. 

Except…

Have you ever laughed right at that moment when you have taken a drink (or bite) of something?  You know what I mean, don't you!!  Where you start to laugh and just can't stop…even though your mouth is already full of something…

During March, I did this not once…not twice…not three time…FOUR TIMES!!!  Without even trying (and it hasn't happened in a while before this past month)!   Meals ruined!  Clothes that needed to be changed!  And a whole bunch of laughter from those around (okay – who am I kidding…a whole bunch of laughter AND a few "ewww's" from my family).  In fact, my daughter used this as an excuse to get out of eating her broccoli!! (what kids will do to get out of eating their veggies!!!)

Serendipity?  Luck (am I Irish???)?  Dumb luck?  The stars were aligned? 

Whatever you call it, what a month to have FOUR of those moments where the laughter just couldn't be stopped!

And here's the deal:  As much of a mess as these "incidents" may have made, it just felt really great!  That AND…it brought out a lot of laughs from EVERYONE!  And you know what?  As much as there are all sorts of health benefits for laughing…I'll keep doing it for one reason alone…

IT FEELS GREAT!!!!

Big laughs.  Little laughs.  Giggles.  Laugh at a funny joke.  Laugh for no reason at all.  Belly laughs.  Laugh until it hurts.  Laugh until you cry.  Laugh silently.  Laugh out loud.  Laugh until you snort.  Laugh alone.  Laugh together.  Laugh standing up.  Laugh laying down.  Smile at the world!!!

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." ~ e. e. cummings

Join me…once more (please!!!)…and LAUGH!!!!  Just because you can!!!

Ha! 
Ha Ha!! 
Ha Ho Ho Ho Ha!! 
Ha Ha Ha Ho Ho Ha Ha!!

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What is Random Acts of Kick Arse (RAOKA)?  With the idea that there are so many ways we can do small things to change the world for good, Sami, from Life, Laughs, and Lemmings took an idea she had and created this movement.  The movement:  A new theme to focus on each month, bringing a little more good to the world.  The movement started in October 2009, and has a core group of participants:

Lori from Jane Be Nimble
Dani from Positively Present
Gayze  from Gazehound's Animal Communication
Zeenat from Positive Provocations

Each month a topic will be chosen to focus on, and then at the start of the next month, the participants will write about their experiences from the previous month.

Interested in joining the movement?  Contact Lori for details.

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April Theme:  Family (as chosen by Gayze)

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Logo courtesy of Melissa from Operation NICE

"That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet." ~ Emily Dickinson

Today I have Laura Neff here, from More in You Life Leadership Coaching.  Laura is a caring and compassionate friend, and the more I get to know her, the more this just shines through so brightly!  She is an amazing woman, and someone who truly shines at living life openly and authentically. 

Join me, as I sit down with Laura and we touch upon how life has brought her to where she is today.  

1.  Tell us a little bit about who "you" are (family, career, any special life experiences you’d like to share, etc.)
Lance, I think you started out with the toughest question of all! But I’ll give it my best shot. First, I am a wife to my love, Robert. We met nine years ago here in North Carolina through a local whitewater kayaking club, and three short weeks after the first “hi,” before we’d even kissed, hugged, or held hands, we had “the” conversation…the one that goes, “Well, I…I’m terrified to say this because I don’t know if you’ll go screaming the other way…but, I…I think you’re the one!” “I feel the same way!” “What now?” “I have no idea, but can I kiss you?” “Yes!”) Nine years later, we work hard on keeping our relationship healthy and strong, and we stumble sometimes, but we help one another back up, and we make sure we always have a good support system in place. Two years ago, we gathered with many dear friends and family members and got married under a huge Oak tree in our back yard. We live on just over two acres of land and on our “farmette” have a dog, three cats, and two chickens who make us laugh and give us two eggs a day!

I’m a corporate escapee who’s played and dabbled in lots of vocational arenas since (like corporate communications consulting, writing/editing, teaching English, organic farming, working in a riverside coffee shop/café in Colorado, managing a retail bead shop/teaching people how to get in touch with their creativity/making & selling my own jewelry, etc.). All those forays were adding puzzle pieces to the larger picture, which became clear about four years ago, when I dove into life coach training & certification. Now, I’m a Life Leadership coach with a home office and thriving practice, and I can’t imagine doing anything else! (Except for my newest venture, which is to found and launch the International Alliance of Midlife Women [IAMWomen]. Stay tuned for more on that. )

I’m the youngest of seven in a family that resembles the Brady Bunch, except when Mike (aka my dad, Bob) and Carol (aka my mom, Ellen) married, they had one more…me!

And I’m so blessed to have many, many incredible dear, wise, funny, strong friends in my life. Seriously, life is good!

Lance's Commentary:  See, Laura…it's all part of my plan to get the hardest questions done first!! 

One of my favorite family vacations was a week-long whitewater rafting trip in Idaho.  So, I would LOVE to hear some of the stories you have from kayaking!  And to you and Robert…sometimes you just "know"….chickens and all.  What I also read in here is that life has truly been a journey for you…and one that has led to where you are today.  I suppose for all of us, this is true.  Still, there is something very connecting about reading the directions you have went in life, and to where that all puts you today.  Laura, I love it!!  

And I just can really feel that "life is good" whenever we talk!  You embody those words so wonderfully!!

2.  What led you to start your Life Leadership coaching practice?
In the years before realizing that coaching was what all those puzzle pieces added up to, I could literally feel the angst, tension, nagging, and sometimes real pain of living a life on the outside that did not match who I was on the inside. (This was especially true for me in Corporate America, but also in the years after that, though to a lesser degree.) And, thankfully, I realized early in my adult life that no one else was going to correct that angst/tension/nagging/pain for me. And so the circuitous route I forged was one that held all the key elements of Life Leadership: being fully at choice and taking full responsibility for my life, gaining more and more clarity on who I wanted/needed to be and what was next for me, becoming conscious for the choices I was making and their impact, becoming closely acquainted with my courage, and along the whole way, learning how to recognize and work with my fear. Since then, I’ve worked, played, learned from, tripped over, lost & found, and experimented with all of these elements myself and with anyone and everyone around me who was willing.

In short, this work is who I am. It’s the talk I’ve gotta walk. As a dear friend says of vocation, coaching, for me, is “that which I can’t not do.”

Lance's Commentary:  Just from our conversations, I get a couple of very strong feelings.  One is that you care.  That's such a wonderful quality, and one that I really believe is you, at your core.  The other strong feeling I get is that you are very much vested in "walking the talk"…that what you say is what you do.  There is a comfort level in all of this – one that makes talking with you so easy.

3.  What’s one thing that has happened from going down this path that has been a real surprise, and what has it meant to you?
Definitely the challenge and realization of what it is to come into my own as a business owner.

I’m an entrepreneurial girl at heart, but I’m also someone who, when I’m not awake at my own wheel, can dive into a new venture without really thinking through what it will entail or look like. Being committed to my coaching practice as a lifelong and ongoing expression of who I am but also as a well-functioning business has meant slowly unfolding into my fullness as a business owner and all that responsibly entails. Often it feels as if my “business owner shoes” are still too big, and I’m playing grown up, toddling around trying to keep them from falling off. But I can tell my feet are growing, slowly but surely!

What this has meant to me is a new layer of my understanding of responsibility, and also it’s helped in my lifelong journey to grow out of my self-perception of “little sister” and into a new identity of “grown, capable woman.” (You youngest siblings out there know what I mean!)

Lance's Commentary:  Laura, everything I see points to you most definitely as a "grown, capable woman"!  You know…just so you know…

4.  Life has an interesting way of presenting us with some unique opportunities.  Tell us some way life has brought you to where you are today.
I love this one! When I was 25, I very unexpectedly spent five months in a hospital and on bed rest due to a mysterious internal spinal fluid leak, and that time has made all the difference.

Throughout those months, if I stood up or sat up, I’d be instantly gripped with such a blinding, nauseating headache that all I could do was get horizontal again as quickly as possible and wait for the pain to subside. Consequently, I spent much of that time staring at ceilings or out windows, increasingly frustrated about missing my life.

Over time and with much thought, I started becoming conscious of the fact that I’m given the gifts of time and energy every single day and that I’d been taking them completely for granted. I examined my life…the work I was doing, the people I surrounded myself with, the way I had been spending that time and energy, the flippant choices I was making. And I started to wake up to the fact that if I let my life continue on the trajectory it was on (one that had largely been defined by other people), I would get to retirement age, look back, and not be able to see a single speck of tangible, real difference because of how I was choosing to spend my time and energy. I would have unalterable regrets.

So that was the beginning of what, to me, felt like a real awakening. It led to the realization that no one was going to shift that trajectory for me, and it started my journey of understanding who I was, what made me tick, and what resonated deeply within me, and from that place of resonance, what I have to offer the world that can truly make a difference. It took four more years before I was ready to make a leap, but the beginning of the journey was undeniable, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Lance's Commentary:  Laura, what a great story of how something that seems "bad" can really end up being so, so good!  And that's reminder to me, in any moment that I might feel like "woe is me", that really there can be so much good that might come from this….if I just open my eyes (and my heart) to what can be.  

5.  You have recently started a new program in your coaching – the Circles of Six.  Would you share what this is, and who it’s geared toward.
Yes! I’m so psyched about this!

Circles of Six are small group coaching at its best. Basically, six individuals come together to form a Circle that works together via conference calls and in an online forum for a minimum of six months. The Circles are led and facilitated by me, and everyone has at least one thing in common: they’re committed to their own growth, and they want to experience that growth in a supportive, community-oriented way.

There are three kinds of Circles coming together right now:

• One for women in midlife who need a structure in which they can pause, take stock of their lives to date, and plan for the second half,
• One for folks who need to get searingly clear on their goals and then be held accountable in a very strong way as they move forward, and
• One that has each member digging deeply into the five key elements of Life Leadership (Choice, Clarity, Consciousness, Courage & Fear), using them to move forward in a meaningful way in their lives.

Regardless of which Circle someone’s in, each person gets clear on what their goals are for our time together, they learn from me and one another along the way, they get coached, and they provide steady and loving support to their Circlemates. And, a side benefit to small group (or any sized group) coaching is that it’s often less expensive than one-on-one coaching. I’m so glad to add this offering to my list of services because it expands the range of options, making Life Leadership available to lots more people.

I have a web page with lots of details on the Circles of Six program offerings.

Lance's Commentary:  You know what?  I am so psyched about this too!!  I think the whole concept behind group coaching sessions can be so positive.  I have participated in one other group coaching session, and found it to be so beneficial in moving me forward and beyond some of the fears that were holding me back at the time.  And…as I continue to move forward in life…it's time, once again, to get beyond some of the barriers that are holding me back from fully living.  So, I'm excited to be a part of this program, too!

6.  Deep down, Laura, what makes you, “you”?
Big smile here, Lance! There’s a core of me, deep inside, that is unique but that is also connected to every other living thing on this planet. What makes me “me” is that core, and the fact of my slowly-increasing awareness of its nature, what it wants, how it moves, what makes it tick, what brings it joy and pain, what it’s here for. And what makes me “me” is also everything and everyone around me, and how my core is in relation to everything else. It’s a dance that happens all day, every day…the dance of my core and the Universe, the finite and the infinite and vice versa. Oh, and beautiful people like you who create thought-and-heart-provoking questions like these to help me remember who I am and what makes me “me.”   Thank you for all that YOU are, Lance! You are such a gift to all of us!

Lance's Commentary:  Understanding how we "tick"…I love that thought, Laura!  When we can strip away the outer influences in our life, and see clearly into what is at our core…what an amazing place to reach!   I sense this very much from our conversations…that this is a place you have visited often, and one that brings much direction and focus into your life.  Keep dancing, my friend!!!

Closing Thoughts:  Laura, thank you so much for being here today, and for sharing more about who "you" are!  I think we have known each other for about a year, and in that time I have really come to appreciate all that you share.  You are a shining example of what is right and good in this world, and it's an honor to work with you, and to call you "friend" as well. 

As I think about the Emily Dickinson quote above…Laura, know that my life is sweeter because our paths have crossed.  You have an energy about you that is both deeply connecting and filled with life.  And in that, you bring out life, as you shine yours so beautifully out into the world!

photo credit: darkpatator

“Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things, I am tempted to think there are no little things.” ~ Bruce Barton

I think about this often.  Sometimes it is hard to fully comprehend. 

Our actions, and the ripple effects they have.  Today I think about all of this after reading Jen's thought-provoking post, Which way to go?.

Like as I write this.  If I wasn't writing this article, I would be doing something else.  Perhaps making breakfast.  Or driving to the grocery store.  Or going out for a run. A host of different things I might be doing if I wasn't here and writing, at this moment.  And how this action…writing this right now…is changing the course of my life.

And like right now.  Because I chose to write this article, you are here…today…reading it.  This one action of mine…writing this…is making a difference in your life.  Oh, I would like to think that maybe my words have some profound meaning and may alter how you view life.  I am fully aware, though, that this could very easily not be the case.  You are reading this, though.  Had you not read it, you would have done something completely different.  Maybe viewed something else from your computer.  Maybe have gone for a walk.  Maybe have made a telephone call.  It's hard to say, really.

Because I wrote this, my life is altered forever from what it might have been had I not chose to do this.  And because you are reading here today, your life, too, is altered forever.  And it seems so small.  A few words typed on a computer screen.  A few words read.  Can that really change our life completely? 

There are no little things.

Everything we do will alter, in some way, our life…and the lives of others. 

How does that settle with you?

This thought floats around in my brain often.  How seemingly tiny things can have such deep consequences.  Think about this.  I oversleep.  Because of that, I leave the house in a rush.  Because I am rushed, I am not paying attention to the car in front of me.  I have an accident.  Now I have just altered not only my own life, but also the life of the person in front of me.  And had I left the house just ten seconds earlier, or ten seconds later…the consequences would have been completely different. 

And that's just only one small example.

There are no little things.

Point 1:  We cannot control everything.  Some things will happen just because we are where we are, doing what we are doing. 

Point 2:  If we accept the idea that all of our actions, no matter how small or big, have a far-reaching impact, then does that change at all how we live our life?  While we cannot control exactly what will become because of our actions, we can still control the actions we put out into the universe.

What if…

What if we based even just a bit more of the things we do…the little things, the things we don't even think about…what if we based them on more awareness? 

Would that change anything?

Perhaps you question, how can more awareness change anything for some of these mundane things…pouring that cup of coffee in the morning, brushing your teeth, taking the dog for a walk, smiling…   They seem so simple, perhaps even routine.  Think about it, though, as you perhaps…smile.  What if that smile invites someone "in"….someone to come up to you who might not otherwise have done that.  And what if a wonderful friendship begins because of that.  All from a smile…. (or any of our actions, for that matter)

There are no little things.

In this moment you are making a choice.  Every choice matters….

Note:  If you are having difficulty viewing this, please click here.

"Omnia vivunt, omnia inter se conexa."
"Everything is alive; everything is interconnected."
~ Cicero

Do you ever sense how truly connected we are to one another?  How our actions, however big or small, however positive or negative…in some way, impact others? 

The Levity Project:  Car Dancing Micro Movement

I have been working with Katie West and Ina Lukas, of The Levity Project, in creating the first Levity Project Micro Movement. 

Car Dancing:  A celebration!  People from around the world joining together.  In their corner of the world…dancing!  In cars.  Down sidewalks.  In homes.  This video is their dance.  It's much more than that though.  This video is our dance….for all who watch it. Celebrate!  And let that dance in you, whatever it is, take new steps into what is possible!

 

What Does This All Really Mean?
Both Katie and Ina, from here at The Levity Project, played such important roles in taking this car dancing concept and envisioning what it could become.  For me personally, I know that doing this became much more than just some little dance in the car at a stoplight on my way through a day. 

So, what has this all meant to Katie and Ina?  Read below, as I take a few minutes to ask them some of questions on the car dancing micro movement.

1.  What were your expectations going into this car dancing micro-movement?
Katie: My hope was to have fun and to spread the idea that by allowing ourselves to be seen having fun, we give others the permission to do the same.  I also envisioned the video and thought about people watching it together and smiling the same way they do when they see someone dancing at a stoplight.  My hope was that it would create a ripple effect of positivity that might fill in where moments of negativity had been in people’s lives.

Ina: I was hoping it would be fun and that people would have a great time celebrating their day.  I was hoping that people would be inspired by it and get to experience other bystanders be inspired by them.  But what happened as a result of it was far more profound than I ever imagined.  What I did not realize is how far this would take people out of their comfort zone.  Nor did I imagine the amount of inner change it would create for many of the participants.
 
2.  On this journey over the last several weeks, what have you personally experienced from your own moments of car dancing?
Katie: The idea for this micro movement came a while ago when I was dancing at a stop light.  Usually, I stopped dancing when a car pulled up next to me, but that day the music was so great and I was feeling so happy, I kept dancing.  After a moment or two, I realized that the two guys in the car next to me were not only watching me but dancing heartily along.  As we drove away, they gave me a thumbs up.  It was so touching and made me feel unexpectedly connected to the world around me.

What happened after launching the idea of The Levity Project’s Car Dancing Micro-Movement was that I started doing it more intentionally every time I was at a stoplight.  It felt like inviting people to a party that they really wanted to go to but were nervous to be the first ones to arrive.  It felt great to be the one kicking off a party at each intersection.

Ina: What I’ve found by being freer in my dance, is that it breaks down the walls between people.  We live in a car society where everyone is cruising around in their own worlds, disconnected from everyone else.  When you share the joy that comes out of you when you dance, you break through the barrier of the car shell, and you touch someone or make them smile and bring a human connection to their day.

The other day I was stopped at a red light next to a guy who had a little dog in his lap that was looking through the window at us.  Because of my new found courage and dropping of my walls, I rolled down both windows on his side, he rolled down his, and for a long two minute red light, my kids and I had a delightful conversation with the guy and oohed and aaahhed over his dog.  My kids were thrilled.  He was shining from ear to ear, and then we drove off to the rest of our days.  I will never forget that moment, and it never would have happened had I not taken part in this event.
 
3.  What feelings come up for you as you have watched the video's that have been shared by others?
Katie:  As I watch it, what stands out to me is this great feeling of interconnectedness.  And with that, I feel hope.  In a world where we are interconnected, no one is falling through the cracks.  We are there for each other.  We are aware that we are all a part of the same web so if one of us is not shining, the integrity of our whole web is compromised.  And in this way, it benefits us all to look out for others.   Watching this video makes me feel that this interconnectedness is possible on a global level.  This makes me feel a great sense of light-heartedness. 

Ina: The first video that came in from Canada sent goosebumps up my neck.  It was that moment of, “Oh my goodness!  People are actually doing this!  And, look, they’re really happy!”  It was totally exhilarating.  Instantly I felt the sense of  knowing that it’s our own inner happiness, collectively celebrated, that has the ability to create a global shift.  The key for me was in celebrating it with purpose, knowing that all of these other people were out there dancing in their day together.  It made me realize the potential power that creating this concept of a Micro-Movement can have on global scale.  When you take away the time and location barriers, any person any where in the world can take action as an agent of social change, and be banded together with the rest of The Levity Project Players as one movement immersed in the power and importance of fun.

I love to be inspired, and each person that took part in this was an inspiration to me.  I was moved by each video because almost everyone that did this stepped out of their comfort zone.  For some people it was WAY out of their comfort zone.    But as you can see by everyone’s happiness in the video, they all received some sense of freedom from doing it.  That’s the miracle that always happens on the other side of your block.  When you let go of fear and go for it, magic happens that wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t take action with that small leap of faith. 
 
4.  You step out your front door tomorrow morning.  What’s different, because you have “car danced” in public?  (i.e. what’s the lasting effect from doing this)
Katie:  There is this small feeling of “I can do that”.  By “car dancing”, which can feel like a step outside our comfort zone, there is a new feeling that maybe there are other things one can try in our life.  And the comfort zone becomes wider and wider and so does our life.

And I believe that a sense of contribution comes from it.  Once you see someone’s face light up because they see you car dancing and expressing that levity, it is so evident that you are the one who created that change for that person at the stoplight or wherever we are.  And as the observer drives off, they might have a smile on their face or be laughing.  Who knows what happens next?  In a better mood, do they call someone they have been thinking about and share a laugh with them?  Did an argument just end in the car next to you because they started laughing and even dancing with you?  What ripple effects just happened in the world, because one of us was willing to boldly express the joy we have within?

Ina: For me, so much has changed because of this.  When I step out my door in the morning, I am far more aware of the potential for creating celebration in each moment.  At the times when I am driving, spaced out on autopilot, lost in some looping thought of what I have to do, or what’s going on in my life, past or future, it suddenly hits me that, ”Oh, wait!  I’m alive right now in this moment and why am I not dancing?" and I crank the tunes and dance.  And I do it boldly (especially at four way stops). 

It’s made me more present to the present moment, realizing that we all have our things we do on autopilot… driving to work, picking up the kids, and we often just lose ourselves in mundane thoughts in those moments.  But when you think of how you could have that same ride to work, and instead of just worrying about how you’re going to pay your bills, you can make someone else smile or brighten their day.  You’ve just created a totally different journey for yourself.  Same commute, but now you’re an agent of social change at the wheel.  Maybe that person didn’t know how they were going to pay their bills either, but they saw you dancing and they saw you in your freedom and in that moment, they felt relief.  Or even happiness.  Or even the feeling that everything was going to be OK.  THAT is powerful stuff!  I am embracing those moments now and my life is becoming more deliciously rich (and fun!) because of it.

Lance's Commentary:  You have both touched upon that "something deeper" that draws upon the voice of our soul…that dance that is within each of us.  Perhaps it's not "car dancing" for everyone.  It's there, though, within all of us…that something which brings that deeper sense of bliss.  And when we are reaching that spot within us, we DO change the world around us – in amazing and beautiful ways!

Want to know when the next Levity Project events are being planned, and how you can get involved?  Sign up today, and you will receive updates on upcoming events.

photo credit: Unfurled

"Only when the clamor of the outside world is silenced will you be able to hear the deeper vibration. Listen carefully." ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sometimes…

Life and this journey I am on…really get me thinking more deeply about what this all means.

Megan Bord, from It's All About Joy, has invited me over to her wonderful space to share some of these thoughts.

Megan is a wonderful friend, and someone I have had the honor of really getting to know over this past year.  Her thoughts always touch upon something greater within, and all that is truly possible for each of us.  And true to the name of her site, she shines joy and love into every part of the world she touches. What a gift that is, for all those who visit her site and experience the beauty of her heart. 

Today, these thoughts I'm having touch upon life, and beyond.  Please join me on Megan's site, as I talk about Life, Death, and Reflection.

You can keep up with Megan by subscribing to her blog, and following her on Twitter.

Comments are closed.

 

Passion

 

“Never underestimate the power of passion.” ~ Eve Sawyer

Preface:  Random Acts of Kick Arse is a movement to bring more of {monthly theme} into our lives, and the lives of those around us. 

February Theme:  Passion.  Find ways to incorporate/see more passion in the world.

The Results:  Passion.  Today I am going to talk about me.  A look inside, and what it is that evokes that passion. 

Maybe for some of you, this is all very clear…this idea of what your passion is.  And for others, maybe it's a bit of a muddled, grey mess. 

I tend to lean a bit more toward the "muddled grey mess" side…

…although I kind of hope it's not always a grey mess, that maybe there are bits of a more technicolor mess, too. 

(am I really saying anything here, or am I mostly avoiding the subject?)

Ahem.

Group therapy time…and I'm on the sofa.

Have you ever been on the cusp?  Feeling like "this is it"…except, not quite.  Feeling like you are so close…and yet so far.

Writing helps.  It kind of clears my head.  And when it clears my head, that all makes way for me to see through to my heart.  They don't always speak the same languages…my head and my heart.  Logic.  Intuition.  It's easy to live daily from my head…logic says…  And it's easy to write from my heart…intuition speaks…  So, how is it, that I can focus more of my living from my heart?  Daily.  In all those moments.

Back to the writing.  The more I write, the more this all connects to my heart.  The more it feels real.  The more I believe.

Passion.

Is there a facade I put up?  Do what I say, and what I do differ?  Does all of this make me less authentic? 

Passion.

I draw my deepest passion from connections with the soul.  Me to my own soul.  My soul to yours.  Connections that strip away race, religion, sex, financial status, the past, personal possessions.  A meeting at that spot that touches upon the deeper meaning of existence.  Perhaps it is all much like nature.  That ebb and flow of nature, much like that ebb and flow of life.  There's a time for sowing, there's a time for growing, there's a time for reaping, and there's a time for rest.  This soul connection feels much that way. 

I also draw very deep passion for connecting with a feeling of light-heartedness.  This feeling of being free.  Perhaps it's in being free to live my days in seeing the good, seeing the "right", seeing the possibility.  I guess it's really about connecting with the moments of life, in a way that touches joy. 

And I have a passion for adventure.  The big and the small.  New discoveries.  Our world is filled with so much.  Around the whole world.  Right outside my backdoor.  Within.  Part of this journey is a discovery of what is out there, and in the process, what is within. 

So, back to that cusp.

In those moments when this all comes together – adventures down that path of joy and light-heartedness, all touching upon a deeper soul connection…this is like the coming together of it all. 

Passion.

Some days I hit that mark, and there's a complete feeling of being alive.  Some days, not so much.  Some days technicolor.  Some days grey. 

And I wonder…

In some grand scheme of things, in life's great meaning and purpose…do I really live this?  Is passion alive? 

I talk the talk….do I walk the walk?

Because it is easy to sit here and write words on a screen.  If you know me only here, though, is there some way to really know…if this is something more than just talk?  I don't know.  And perhaps it doesn't matter.  Perhaps it is less important in some grand scheme of things. Perhaps what is most important is what you believe in yourself…

Today I re-commit to living the passion that is there, within me.  And I'll re-commit to that every day. 

Could this lead to moments where I feel exposed?  Most definitely. 

If this life, this one life that I am aware of, is to really be lived, though…what other way can I truly commit to?

This is it.  Now. 

To each of you, on this journey you are on…peace and light.

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What is Random Acts of Kick Arse (RAOKA)?  With the idea that there are so many ways we can do small things to change the world for good, Sami, from Life, Laughs, and Lemmings took an idea she had and created this movement.  The movement:  A new theme to focus on each month, bringing a little more good to the world.  The movement started in October 2009, and has a core group of participants:

Lori from Jane Be Nimble
Dani from Positively Present
Gayze  from Gazehound's Animal Communication
Zeenat from Positive Provocations
Sami from Life, Laughs, and Lemmings
Jannie from Jannie Funster

Each month a topic will be chosen to focus on, and then at the start of the next month, the participants will write about their experiences from the previous month.

Interested in joining the movement?  Contact Sami for details.

---

March Theme:  Laughter (as chosen by Lori)

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Logo courtesy of Melissa from Operation NICE

photo credit: ooberayhay

"We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams." ~ Anonymous

Preface

What is that dance in you?

Typical days.  Consumed by deadlines.  Commutes.  Bills.  Running errands.  Playing family chaueffer.

It's so easy to get caught up in the mundane of daily living. 

Does it have to be that way, though?  Does it, really, have to be that way?

What if….

We open ourselves up to the dance that is there within our hearts…that touches upon our soul.

It's there.

And It Begins

An interesting thing has happened recently. 

I have been working with Katie West and Ina Lukas, from The Levity Project, on a micro-movement. 

Car dancing. 

Dancing in your car.  Or…really, dancing on your way throughout your day (however that might happen).

And this is about so much more than just dancing through the moments of your day. 

Think about this:  Would it feel "normal" to dance in your car (or walking down the sidewalk, or navigating the aisles of your favorite grocery store) ?  Or would this feel "weird", "different", "being seen"??

Why is it that we hold ourselves back?

There is a dance in each of us.  The dance to paint.  The dance to sing.   The dance to be a mother.  The dance to coach that little league team.  The dance to join the local community band.  The dance to dance.  The dance of passion.  Passion for whatever it is that makes our hearts sing!

To Dance

Car dancing. 

In the garage…in the driveway…it feels so safe…to let my hair down.  No one around…and it becomes so easy to be "me"…with wild abandon.

How about…

At a stoplight.  Other cars around.  Or walking down the street.  Or waiting in line for the next cashier. 

Exposed.

To be freely expressive.  To "dance".  In that place where I wouldn't normally dance.  Not alone anymore. 

Raise my arms. Move my body.  Bop my head. 

Surrounded by others…in the normalness of daily life. 

And to dance?

To express joy, to let the music engulf me…is both strange and a challenge.

Why?

Because this is not the expected place to dance?  Because others might *gasp* see me?  Because no one else is doing this?  Perhaps I have created some sort of unwritten standard in my head…one that says I should "fit in", that there's a place for everything (and this is not it), that it is easier to not risk embarrassment for the song in my heart.

The Cloud Is Lifted

Doing this thing.  Dancing in public…in a non-dance setting.  The car.  The sidewalk.  The neighborhood convenience store. 

Doing it.

Dancing.  In public.

Wow!

Getting beyond the fear, the wondering eyes, the thoughts in my head.

Everything seems suddenly lighter.  The sky is brighter.  Aggravations melt away.  This mini-celebration does wonders!  I feel like the world is "right" and "okay".  I see more of the humanity behind the masks of those around me.  Life is good.

And Such Is Life

Car dancing.  One small thing.  One deeply moving experience.

Life.

Mine.  Yours. 

How am I living that life?  How are you living that life?

There is a dance in each of us.  In you.  In me. 

Something that sets our heart on fire.  Something that makes us each dance for life.

What is that dance in you?

Let your dance out.  Be you.  That incredible, amazing you that sings and dances from your heart!

Join The Movement

The Levity Project is creating a compilation video of YOUR submitted car dancing moments!  We have an amazing sampling from all over the world so far, young and old alike – getting "out there" and dancing.  Creating change in themselves.  And touching in some way, those who witness this dance of joy.   Are you up for it?
**
•    Create a short video (10 – 20 seconds) of yourself (and others) car dancing (or dancing in whatever mode of transportation you use).
•    Click here to submit your video. (Please submit all videos by Saturday, February 27, 2010)
•    Contact me via the Contact Us page, with your name and location (to be included in the video).
**
NOTE:  The Levity Project video, of everyone together, will  premiere in early March.
 

We shall find peace. We shall hear angels.
We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.
~ Anton Pavlovich Chekhov

Today I have Evita Ochel, from Evolving Beings, here.  Evita is a wonderful and dear friend, and really a beautiful soul who touches other's hearts with her caring and compassionate love. 

Read along, as I sit down with Evita, and she shares a bit about who she is, and where she is at on this amazing journey of her life.

1. Tell us a little bit about who "you" are (family, career, any special life experiences you’d like to share, etc.)
I am a being, who currently lives in Canada. I was not initially born here, and no matter where I live  on this planet in the future, I simply consider myself “Earthian” today. I love traveling and exploring this Earth, and to date have visited over 15 countries.

Internally, I am a passionate truth seeker. I have a very profound love for nature. In fact, I have a huge passion and respect for every single species on this Earth. I am called to oneness with all and hold deep gratitude for this amazing planet and how it supports us.

I am married, but more than this, am in an incredible unity with an amazing being who not only brings out the best in me on a daily basis, but inspires me to constantly grow and expand to my highest potential.

In terms of career, as a teen I always had a strong interest in the health and science field and after my formal education became a high school science teacher. I loved being a teacher, and had no doubt that this was not only my calling but also one of my life's passions. However, as I taught and took very seriously to practice what I preach, I grew in many ways. It was at this time that I began to feel the limitations that this position had on my personal evolution, and so in June of 2009 I resigned from this position to become a teacher on a global level. I got some more certification in the areas of holistic health and nutrition and today am a writer, researcher and speaker in those areas, as well as in the areas of spirituality and consciousness expansion.

Lance's Commentary:  I'm drawn to your description of yourself as a "being".  Just the way you say that, it feels like you are much more than just your human self.  There's this real feel of connection to everything in this universe, and to this idea that we share this Earth we live on with every living thing.  What a beautiful view of the world!   

2. How long have you been blogging, and what led you to start writing?
I started the first of the three sites I currently run, 2 years ago. That was Evolving Beings.

Having gone through amazing personal transformations in the 2 years prior to this new venture, there was so much inside of me that wanted to be shared with the world. I felt a very strong calling to have a channel through which I could reach as many people as I could world wide. I felt like I discovered the secrets to internal peace, fulfillment and happiness, and wanted to help as many people as I could out there.

My husband knew that I had a passion for writing, as well as what “blogs” were (I didn't before this time) and so he suggested that I start a blog. Between his web development skills and my writing skills, Evolving Beings came to life.

A few months after that I felt the same strong call to have an outlet for my health, scientific and nutrition knowledge to help people lead healthier lives. This gave rise to Evolving Wellness.

Finally, later on that year, being a nature lover, and poet at heart, I started Evolving Scenes where I share my photography and short inspirational passages, in hopes of awakening a deeper love and respect for nature and life in people.

Lance's Commentary:  I first connected with you on your Evolving Beings site.  What I've also found since that first contact, is that all of your sites just complement one another so well.  I see that as the care with which you show in each of these places, and how it all connects back to you in very meaningful ways.     

3. What is the deeper purpose of your three sites?
That would be to awaken people to their highest state of being in every aspect of life.

Too many of us live and have lived on auto pilot for far too long. We don't act consciously, we don't speak or even think consciously. The majority of thoughts in our heads are negative, completely sub-conscious and virally driven. We are driven by many collective fears, greed and other various societal pressures. 

And all this would be completely fine if we were happy, but we are not. The majority of people live in unprecedented stress, emotional pain and do not truly know who they are or what true peace and happiness really feels like.

I didn't have to wait till I got diagnosed with a disease or suffered some tragic loss in my life to wake up and start making the most of life. Thanks to the right material, I “woke up” and completely transformed my thinking, my habits and my lifestyle from every angle. I achieved peace and happiness like I never thought possible. For the most part, I felt like I transcended fear and pain.

And that is what I want to help others with, through my writing on the sites. I want to inspire people to feel that same heaven I feel each day too, for I know it is possible.

Lance's Commentary:  Evita, know that you have a such a caring way of touching upon these deeper parts of the human soul.  This is a beautiful gift you have.
 
4.You live in Canada.  Tell us about something amazing that you have done or place that you have visited in this country you live in. 
What I love about Canada is the lush, vastness and diversity of its landscape. I have been to the Gaspe coast and seen some whales jump. I have visited Quebec City and appreciated its intricate European like appeal and architecture. I have been to Niagara Falls and enjoyed its breathtaking mighty presence. I also travel to our so called “up north cottage country” almost on an annual basis, and experience some of the most beautiful and serene places on Earth.

Lance's Commentary:  You make me smile, Evita.  Up north!  Hmmm…I think for myself and most of the readers here today…you already qualify as up north, just by the fact that you live in Canada!!  I know what you mean though.  That's a common saying here to, to go "up north", which is really about getting back to nature, leaving the hustle and bustle of daily living behind, and really feeling a stronger connection to this amazing Earth we live in community with.  So, I wish many moments of continued beauty "up north" and in all the journey's life takes you on. 

5.  Evita, when I think of you, I draw upon a deep spiritual grounding that you have.  Could you elaborate on this spiritual path, and what it means in your life?
I am really glad I have to say that you used the words “spiritual grounding” Lance, for that is exactly how I feel. I love experiencing myself as a spiritual being, while respecting this physical experience. I try to be balanced in both places at all times in my life today, and this has served me very well in every aspect of my life.

That deep spiritual path is the foundation of my life today. It is my rock. From it I draw my thoughts, words and actions. From it I draw my courage, confidence and faith.

For the first quarter of my life I lived very much like the majority of people today, seeing only the physical, with some small hints or flashes of some sort of spiritual aspect. Ever since I embarked on my spiritual journey however, life has taken on a delicious new depth. It has allowed me to transcend so many typical limitations and constraints. It has made me a much better person. It has drawn out of me a deeper love and respect for all things and beings. It has made me more understanding, perceptive, open minded and non-judgmental.

Today, I cannot imagine living any other way, and I love where this spiritual path continues to take me.

Lance's Commentary:  Evita, one of the many things that comes to mind when I think of you is love.  It's a love that just shines with such deep respect for life.  And that is life in many forms – from the greatest to the smallest.  And in that, I see this deep spiritual connection you hold dear to you, and how that is really the basis for the life you are living.  And that's a life – in every aspect that I have witnessed – that is filled with beautiful care and compassion for all living things.  Evita, know that I see your spiritual essence as a part of your soul…and a part that shines brightly out into the universe. 

6.  One more thing that I’m drawn to is your health-conscious living.  Have you always lived this way?
On a smaller scale yes, but in no way to the level that I live it out today.
 
Fast food or processed food was never really a part of my upbringing so that really helped me get on the right path of health. However, up until just a few years ago I lived with the common paradigms that most people hold, those being that: the four food groups are a must for good health, that doctors and drugs make people better, that sickness is inevitable and that we are victims of our genetics, fate and environment.

It wasn't until I started to really examine each of those pieces on a deeply conscious, as well as  academic, spiritual and ethical level that I realized a whole other world and truth. I immersed myself in a lot of research and looked inward, only to realize that there was so much to health and well being that we were losing out on.
 
Today, living in balance, or striving always for balanced living is key to me, and I cannot imagine having a wonderful spiritual experience, without also having a wonderful physical experience, and vice-versa. It has become a whole package deal for me to focus consciously on the mind, body and soul.

Lance's Commentary:  I'm not sure if you are familiar with the study of epigenetics (many personal thanks to Katie West for the introduction to this field of study), or really how we can change our genetic makeup at the epigenome level.  This is good news!  And it fits so well in line with everything you are talking about – and how we CAN change our genes, on some level, and really make strides in our health, for instance.

7.  You are out for a walk one day, and winds of change blow over you.  What happens?
Ooooh – exciting things happen! I love change. This is one of the other perks that I have integrated into my life in the past few years. I no longer fear change, I embrace it. In fact, I often look forward to it. Nature changes constantly with such peace and ease, it is only us as human beings who try to resist any kind of change. But change is a part of life, it helps us grow, expand and rise to our highest level of being.

Lance's Commentary:  Just looking at our natural world…what a great view of change!  

8. Tell us one unexpected thing that has happened to you in the last year.
Hmmm, just one eh? Well, I guess that would have to be, being approached by a publisher to write two books for them. Completely out of the blue one day I got a message if I would be interested in writing these two books a publisher wanted. I mean I knew I wanted to be a writer, but this was a beautiful surprise of having a publisher contact me, instead of me contacting a publisher. It was a great opportunity that gave me some practice with how the publishing world works, and also to build up my confidence for when it is time for me to approach publishers with my own book titles.

Lance's Commentary:  Evita, that is wonderful news!!  Having read your material now for well over a year…this publisher is onto something!   Your writing is deep and meaningful.  More than that, though, it touches upon something that includes a part of your soul. And this is where you shine, in the heart and soul you put into all that you write.    

9. If you had to pick one thing as your greatest achievement, what would it be (and why)? 
It would have to be hands down attaining the internal spiritual peace that I have found to date. Lance, not a day goes by honestly where I don’t feel amazing gratitude for where I am in my life at such an early age. Some people may not see this as an achievement in the typical sense of the word, but for me it very much is.

At this point in my life, it is not about what degree I got or what job, car, house or whatever the similar case may be. I am not a seeker of fame or fortune. Today for me, it is about whether or not I found a way to live my life with peace, integrity, authenticity, love, joy, and balance. And for the most part that answer is yes, and that is what makes me the most happy today.

Lance's Commentary:  This answer is so filled with beauty and love.  Evita, you radiate this gratitude in all that you do!  And the beautiful thing about this is that your sincere connection to what matters, this very deep spiritual peace, is something that helps others to feel more peace in their own lives.  I personally feel this every time we interact.  So, know that I completely see you living your life with authenticity, peace, joy, and love.    

10. Deep-down, Evita, what makes you, "you"?  And what does a typical day with your husband involve?
Well, I will start with what a typical day looks like for me and finish off with what really makes me who I am…

Our typical day can be explained by 5 words: love, peace, creation, serenity and laughter. Our days typically begin somewhere between 8 and 9am. From there we go to the kitchen together to have breakfast, whose signature ingredient is always some sort of a green smoothie. There is no rushing or stress of any kind. Normally, we have nowhere to go or must do's. Sometimes breakfast lasts 15 minutes, and sometimes up to an hour, as we began to discuss the joy and possible creations of a new day.

From there we go to our “work room” where we have 2 desks that face each other. We both work from home and this lets us spend a lot of quality time together, as well not be tied to any particular location.  We create our passions, we talk, we laugh, we bounce ideas off of each other. Naturally we have lunches and dinners together and some days are interspersed by yoga classes. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to spend each day with not only my husband, but my best friend and an amazing co-worker.

As for what really makes me “me”…. my strength, independence and calm state of mind, as well as love and passion for life. Life is a precious gift, and I love experiencing it everyday to the fullest!

—–

Lance, thank you so very much for inviting me to this interview with you. I appreciate so much all the work you do here on this site and in our world today. You truly are a lightworker, as you spread so much love, joy and kindness wherever you go. It is really such an amazing honor to be featured here on your site and call you a great friend.

Lance's Commentary:  Evita, I'm going to share my take on what makes you "you".  Our paths crossed well over a year ago, and in that time, I have truly come to love the person you are.  And that is because of who "you" are.  I think of this peace and calmness about you…one that makes others feel at ease in your presence.  And then there is this genuine warmth.  A warmth for life…although deeper than that…really a genuine warmth and caring for every living thing on this earth.  That is a warmth that touches me at my core.  You are so real, so approachable, so unconditional in the love you share from your heart.  That is "you".  And that is true beauty. 

Closing Thoughts:  As I have touched on above, you have such a beautiful view of life.  It is a view that feels so connected and grounded in the depth of your soul, Evita.   In every interaction we have had, I always feel a deep sense of peace.  That is you, sharing the purity of your heart.  That is you, caring with every ounce of your being.  That is you, sharing the love that is beautifully within you. 

The sky does indeed sparkle with diamonds.  Evita, know that you are a bright and sparkling diamond in my life. 

You can keep up with Evita by subscribing to Evolving Beings, and following her on Twitter.

photo credit: laurenmarek

"Healing, Papa would tell me, is not a science, but the intuitive art of wooing nature." ~ W.H. Auden

We are energy.

Does this makes sense to you?  And what does that really mean?

We are all on some path, traveling through this life that is ours.  We breathe.  We move. 

My fingers bend to press the keys on the keyboard as I type this.  I blink. 

I feel pain.  I feel love.

We are energy. 

The more I fully experience this idea of our being as a source of energy, the more I believe we harness so much more energy than we can even begin to comprehend.  Perhaps there is some mind-body-spirit connection to this energy.  Perhaps there is something deep within, a something that maybe is not tangible – yet is deeply real – that connects us to that energy source of us.  I am not here with answers.  I am here with my observations, and my beliefs, and my heart.

I recently had the wonderful opportunity to experience a reconnective healing session with a dear friend, Jenny Mannion.   Jenny is a reconnective healing practitioner, mother, wife, belly dancer, and really just a bright and shining soul in our world today.

First, though, I would like to take a couple of steps back.

I suppose this journey really began the day I was born.  A journey that has brought me to where I am today.  Fast forward from that first day of life…to where I have reached in my life today.  Moments of awakening.  Moments of joy.  Moments of sadness.  Moments of pain.  Moments of pleasure.  Many different experiences in the formation of "me".  (just like there are many different experiences in the formation of "you")

Back to this idea of energy.  Have you ever experienced the amazing energy we house within our bodies?  Perhaps you have.  Maybe it's been an instant.  Maybe something greater.  Even the talk of all of this has a very "alternative" feel to it.  Something I have typically been not sold on.  This all takes me back to earlier this fall, and to an experience I had in which I felt the energy within my body in ways I never have before.  I came away from this experience with a much deeper belief in what power we truly hold within our being.

And that all brings me back to the wonderful reconnective healing session with Jenny.  Prior to having this shift in belief in the raw energy within our body, I would have been uncomfortable and uneasy going into this healing session. 

What is reconnective healing?  From Jenny's site:  Reconnective Healing™ is a form of healing that  reconnects us to the fullness of the universe as it reconnects us to the fullness of our beings and of who we are.  For more information, please visit Jenny's Reconnection site.

The Experience

Being that Jenny and I are physically separated by distance, I participated in a distance healing session.  To set the stage, Jenny and I spoke on the phone.  We then ended the phone call, and I found a quiet place to lay down.

(of note:  no two experiences are exactly alike, each one being very personal)

Forty minutes.  My only focus was to relax.

What I experienced really began as a deep sense of peace.  There was a tingling sensation in my hands and feet, and to a degree – in my face.  And then, there were moments of what I would describe as a much deeper sense of peace and connection with myself.  In these moments, there was the experience of a glowing sensation, and a warmth throughout my body.  Usually short moments, each very meaningful to me personally. 

I went into this not having something that I was specifically looking for healing from, just a true desire to experience a deeper connection with myself. 

And before I knew it, this forty minute window of time was done. 

Coming out of this, the biggest connection for me, during the session was really these moments of deep peace and connection. 

Three weeks have since passed since Jenny and I worked together on this reconnective healing session.  There were these real feelings that initial day…feelings of peace and connection.  Is this something that would last, though?  Or would life just go on as normal?

Three weeks. 

Moments that have been deeply good.  Moments that have been challenging.  Moments of uncertainty.  Life.

Is anything different?

Because, this is great and all – to have that feeling of warmth and peace that I experienced during the session.  Does this really change anything, though?

Today

I believe at the depth of my soul that there is a deeper level of peace within my being.  It's not something I can quantify.  Maybe you see it, talking to me…and maybe you don't.  Maybe you wonder how I can know there is more peace within me?

This I know.  I do feel at peace in my life.  And that peace is greater now than it has ever been.  Can I say for certain that it's fully (or even, in part) related to this reconnective healing session?  No.  Do I believe it is?  Yes.  I believe that all of my life's experiences have led me to where I am today, and it's a collective of all of that.  I have now had two experiences in the last several months that have taken me further along this path of believing that we are energy.  And we can affect that energy. 

The last couple of weeks have been filled with much connection with everything that feels right…even in those moments of uncertainty and challenge. 

Is reconnective healing some far-fetched idea? 

Only you can decide, for you.  I believe that a big part of that is what is in our heart.  What do we believe is possible?  What are we open to experiencing in our life?

We are energy.

I keep coming back to this, and to the amazing possibilities that our bodies possess. 

Are you open to these possibilities?

My Take

Reconnective healing is a deeply personal experience, and one that will be different for everyone. 

I believe that if you are open to the experience of what is possible, then alternative healing modalities can be transformational in your life.  For me, that is a deeper sense of peace in my life.  Again, this isn't something quantitative or that might always be visibly noticeable.  It is a sense, though, that I most definitely have.  It's a feeling that connects me to a deeper part of my soul. 

Personal note to Jenny:  Jenny, know that I am deeply grateful for both our friendship, and for our time together during this healing session.  You have a beautiful way of caring for those in your life, and that I have been touched by your presence is a gift that I hold close to my heart. 

Today it is an honor to have Betsy Wuebker, from Passing Thru, here to touch upon some of the challenging relationships we might have had (or currently are having) in our lives. 

I've known Betsy for quite some time.  Being she's a neighbor to the west of me (she claims Minnesota as her home) – our conversations tend to be around Wisconsin life, Minnesota life, and football rivalries!  And during this time, I've also come to really appreciate her sense of adventure for life, and the wonderful way she weaves that, through photos and words, into special memories on her site.

Betsy has recently worked together with Lori Hoeck, from Think Like a Black Belt, to release a free e-book on narcissism.  Today, she is here introducing this, and discussing what that can mean in the relationships we are in.

photo credit: nathansnider

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." ~ Annie Dillard

Thank you, Lance.  It’s an honor and a pleasure to be posting on The Jungle of Life today.  The post I enjoyed the most recently was the lovely anniversary tribute to your bride of sixteen years.  The photo of younger Lora and Lance, looking directly into their future, and your walk down memory lane was so very lovely.  Thank you for sharing with all of us!

When we are asked about what comprises a meaningful life, we’re likely to respond along similar lines of “loving commitments and positive relationships.”  Yet, at one point or another, most of us find ourselves in situations that are decidedly less than positive.  Whether they occur at work, school, church, or within the circle of family or friendship, the effects of dealing with difficult, overpowering people can be emotionally devastating.  When we find ourselves involved with especially toxic people and situations, escaping so that we can replace love and joy in our lives can quickly seem difficult and even impossible.

Lori Hoeck of Think Like a Black Belt and I found that we had remarkably similar experiences with toxic relationships in our individual pasts.  We were amazed that we had responded to these influences in much the same way.  We had observed, examined and analyzed in an effort to find out what was “wrong,” looking for answers within ourselves.  We had been attacked, wounded, and in emotional survival mode, dealing with a wickedly charismatic individual who consistently reminded us of just how unworthy we were.  We came to realize is that there is a predator out there.  It’s the narcissist.

Not all denizens in The Jungle of Life are nice.  Some are downright dangerous.  In The Narcissist: A User’s Guide, our new e-book, Lori and I have written a handbook that will help you tune your senses.  This guide may assist you in making sense of a bewildering, painful relationship you’ve had in the past, or even one that you’re currently dealing with.
 
The Guide provides an organized way of sizing up a situation.  In the section on identifying a narcissist, we’ve outlined tell-tale characteristics and behaviors so that you will come to know common indicators.  Then, rather than stop right there and abruptly abandon you to your own devices like so many self-help references do, we give you the tools to assert your rights, and begin anew on your own terms.

In the Guide, we tell you, “An accomplished narcissist isn’t just a control freak or an egomaniac.”  Instead, we inform you why a narcissist must constantly assert superiority at your expense, what creates a narcissistic personality, and why involvement with a narcissist can hurt you.  We look at the macabre dance of co-dependency that the narcissist seeks with a potential enabler: you.
 
Some of us rationalize the situations in which we find ourselves.  “It’s family, after all.”  “I need the salary.”  We may believe we just have to “suck it up.”  We show you how you can cut off the source of narcissistic supply that will cause this predator to hunt elsewhere, away from you and those who may entrust you with their care.  Some of us never saw the situation coming.  We teach you how to avoid future encounters with self-awareness and vigilance.

Here’s what others have to say about The Narcissist: A User’s Guide:

I can't say enough about this book! This was an eye-opening read! The Narcissist: A User’s Guide is powerfully candid, well written and beautifully designed. It is an empowering contribution to the field of personal development. – Davina Haisell, Crimson Compass Life Coaching

I've just had a chance to read the e-book and it is FABULOUS!  Thanks so much for writing this and sharing it freely! – Pace Smith, Freak Revolution

Having spent a large part of my life surrounded by narcissists, it is easy to see the remarkable value in Narcissist: A User's Guide. I wish I'd read this in my teens, then again in my 20's. Having the skills to easily spot and then avoid a narcissist and their evil magnetism is an essential life skill that applies to everyone. – Cindy Platt, Educator, Children Write the Future

Traveling your path with awareness and confidence is a practice you can develop.  Making accurate assessments is a skill you need to keep yourself and those you love safe from harm’s way.  But first you have to realize who you’re dealing with, what they’re capable of, and how you can circumvent the danger of an extended encounter.  The Narcissist: A User’s Guide could be as valuable as your compass in mapping out your journeys through The Jungle of Life.

Download your copy here – it’s free!

You can keep up with Betsy by subscribing to her blog – Passing Thru,  and following her on Twitter.