Author: Marc Perton

Gerber Legendary Blades is recalling 149,000 machetes in its Gator line, because you could slice your hand open if it slides across the blade. Yeah, we kind of imagine that’s one of the things you’d want to watch out for if you’re carrying an 18-inch blade that’s razor-sharp on one side and saw-toothed on the other. Of course, it’s one thing to slash yourself because you’re off playing Indiana Jones without knowing what you’re doing, and quite another to have it happen because the knife’s handle wasn’t designed as well as it could have been.

(CPSC/Consumer Reports)

According to Gerber, “the saw side of the machete can stick in wood during use, and if the user’s hand slips off the handle and slides forward across the machete blade, this poses a laceration hazard.” The company says it received five reports of customers cutting themselves with the Gator. All needed stitches.

Gerber has modified the hand guard of the machete, reducing the risk of slippage. So, if you slice yourself open now, it’s your own fault, fool.

Gerber Legendary Blades Recalls Machetes Due to Laceration Hazard [CPSC via Consumer Reports Safety]

Machete: The Movie (NSFW, but awesome)

If you’re using the Energizer Duo battery charger, and have connected it to your PC to check the charge levels of the batteries, you may have inadvertently exposed yourself to a program that could give hackers access to your computer. The charger has been discontinued, and Energizer recommends removing the software along with the file that enables the backdoor.

Energizer reports in a press release:

Energizer has discontinued sale of this product and has removed the site to download the software. In addition, the company is directing consumers that downloaded the Windows version of the software to uninstall or otherwise remove the software from your computer. This will eliminate the vulnerability. In addition CERT and Energizer recommend that users remove a file that may remain after the software has been removed. The file name is Arucer.dll, which can be found in the Window system32 directory.

Energizer is currently working with both CERT and U.S. government officials to understand how the code was inserted in the software.

CERT (the U.S. government’s Computer Emergency Readiness Team) provides more tips, including changing firewall rules that could allow access to your computer.

Software-vendor Symantec also has some advice, and warns that the exploit may have been out there for a while — and also speculates that the code was included by the developer who built the software installer for Energizer:

The fact that the temp file created by one of the commands has the prefix “liu” is interesting, since the name “Liu hong” appears elsewhere in the code. Not only that, but other programs that are part of the installation package for the USB Charger software also take in the parameter “-liuhong”. Could it be that he was the creator of the installation package?

We were interested in finding out how long this file had been available to the public. The compile time for the file is May 10, 2007. It is impossible to say for sure that this Trojan has always been in this software, but from our initial inspection it appears so.

Although Energizer has discontinued this product, if you’re really into watching batteries charge in real-time, the company is releasing a new program that will allow you to watch paint dry via a webcam. Just kidding.

US-CERT Vulnerability Note VU#154421 [CERT]
Energizer Announces Duo Charger and USB Charger Software Problem [Energizer Press Release]
Back Door Found in Energizer DUO USB Battery Charger Software [Symantec]

Google’s head of European online sales, John Herlihy, recently prognosticated that in three years, “desktops will be irrelevant,” and everyone will work on mobile devices and store their data in the Internet “cloud.” That would be good news for Google, but what about you? Would privacy concerns, limitations of mobile widgets and web apps or other issues keep you tethered to your desktop, or are you ready to launch yourself into the clouds?

In three years desktops will be irrelevant – Google sales chief [Silicon Republic]

The Willy Wonka name has been used to market candy for almost 40 years, and in all that time the Wonka company has yet to introduce anything as interesting as Fizzy Lifting Drinks or Invisible Chocolate Bars, instead subjecting consumers to Laffy Taffy and not-very-everlasting Gobstoppers. Now the Nestle-owned brand is going upscale, with its new Wonka Exceptionals line, which will launch with a Golden Ticket promotion. Winners will get a trip around the world, but won’t be handed the keys to Wonka’s factory or dominion over the Oompa Loompas.

The new line will include a Scrumdiddlyumptious bar with toffee, peanuts and cookie pieces. Pricing is definitely on the premium side, with single bars going for $2.39.

Brandweek spoke to Wonka managers Vilma Livas, Natasha Madan and Janet The Planet (her legal name, according to BW) about Nestle’s plans for the brand:

JTP: When people think of Wonka, the first thing they think of is chocolate and many people think they’ve had it before. But our business on chocolate previously was very small. But ultimately, we have this huge [consumer] awareness about the idea of Wonka and chocolate. At the same time, they expect something amazing, as it’s coming from the world’s greatest candy inventor. We can’t go half way and expect to be able to deliver on that incredible Wonka experience that’s in line with what people imagined [from seeing the movie]. So, we really needed to invest in the contents of the product, to create something that was beautiful and of quality chocolate, and something that people can really indulge in in a whimsical and imaginative way. So, we’ve taken very accessible ingredients and given them a Wonka twist.

We’re sort of hoping that “Wonka twist” will include more than just high prices and branding that trades on boomer nostalgia. If not, well, we hear Slugworth has a few new things of his own.

Introducing WONKA(R) Exceptionals: New Decadent Chocolates, Delectable Fruit Jellies and Mouth-Watering Fruit Marvels [Press release]
Nestlé Hopes to Spread Wonka Magic to High End [Brandweek]

The killjoys at Men’s Health are out with their list of the worst French fries in America — based on how toxic they are, rather than on relative yumminess — and have crowned Chili’s Texas Chese Fries the deadliest. We suppose it has something to do with the cheese, ranch dressing and bacon that accompany the fries.

The dish, which Chili’s lists as an appetizer, has 1,920 calories, 147 grams of fat, and 3,580 mg of sodium. But, so what? It’s supposed to be shared.

The only thing that comes close to redeeming this cheesy mound of lard and grease is the fact that it’s ostensibly meant to be shared with a few friends. Even so, you’ll collectively be taking in an entire day’s worth of calories, three days’ allotment of saturated fat, and a day and a half’s allotment of sodium. What’s even scarier, if you can imagine, is that even if you try to order more sensibly and ask for the “half” order of Texas Cheese Fries, you’ll still receive a disastrous dish that packs in 1,400 calories.

Men’s Health also named Jack in the Box Bacon Cheddar Wedges (we’re detecting a pattern here) the worst wedge fries, and Five Guys’ large — which packs in 1,464 calories — the worst regular fries. Best in America? McDonald’s — but only the small size, which has like 3 fries in the bag. And, of course, the McD fries don’t have any bacon or cheese, which we assume would knock the fries off their pedestal, even if it would bump up the relative yumminess.

America’s Worst French Fries (and What You Should Eat Instead!) [Men’s Health on Yahoo]

Just in case Charmin isn’t doing it for you anymore, UK retailer Waitrose has come up with what it calls a “super soft cashmere loo roll,” designed to “put a smile on your face.” Um, no matter what we’re using when we’re doing our duty, it’s unlikely to make us smile.

Waitrose calls the product — which is really just plain old paper with some cashmere extract tossed in — a “little luxury,” and boasts:

For many years, cashmere has had an exclusive aura surrounding it. Fashion retailers today in London’s swanky Burlington Arcade sell beautiful cashmere sweaters for £300 and even a pair of gloves a pricey £70, so this innovative new product makes cashmere affordable, but none the less exclusive.

Carla Smith buyer for Waitrose comments, “Cashmere provides that stamp of quality to any fashion garment from a designer suit to the finest luxury knitwear. It’s indulgent, it’s stylish and it’s helping provide that extra softness to our new premium bathroom tissue collection.”

The “innovative new product” sells for £2.29 ($3.49) for a four-pack, which certainly makes a bargain if the whole idea of wiping with wool appeals to you.

To be honest, we’ve never once thought of using “luxury knitwear” for this purpose, and if this stuff was made of real cashmere, it would probably make us itch. But if you’re in the U.K. and have actually tried this, let us know if it really is any softer than Mr. Whipple’s old standby.

The cashmere collection that’s top for bottoms [Press Release via RecessionWire]

Artist Caleb Larsen’s latest creation, A Tool to Deceive and Slaughter, isn’t likely to appeal to traditional art collectors, who tend to like to hold onto their purchases for a little while. That’s because Larsen’s black cube is programmed to try to re-sell itself as soon as a new owner takes posession — and buyers are contractually obligated to let it do so.

Larsen describes the object as existing in an “eternal transactional flux. It is a physical sculpture that is perptually attempting to auction itself.”

Every ten minutes the black box pings a server on the internet via the ethernet connection to check if it is for sale on the eBay. If its auction has ended or it has sold, it automatically creates a new auction of itself.

If a person buys it on eBay, the current owner is required to send it to the new owner. The new owner must then plug it into ethernet, and the cycle repeats itself.

So. what happens if a new owner decides to break the cycle and refuse to plug the box in? According to Larsen, that would sever his connection to the work. It’ll still be a work of art, he says, but it won’t be his work anymore.

A bigger question might be how often the work can be resold before it’s priced out of the market. Larsen takes a cut of each sale, and the starting price is automatically based on the previous sale. After changing hands twice, A Tool to Deceive and Slaughter is currently listed for $6,858 on eBay. With zero bids.

A Tool to Deceive and Slaughter [eBay via On the Media]

Apple’s breaking out the Champagne over the 10 billionth song downloaded from iTunes, which turns out to be “Guess Things Happen That Way” by Johnny Cash. Yeah, mazel tov, Apple. Thing is, most of the media are reporting that Apple’s sold a billion songs, and that’s simply not the case. Why? Oh, just a little thing called digital-rights management, which was included with at least 3 billion of those songs.

Before Apple embraced the light and launched iTunes Plus in 2007, every song “sold” on iTunes was locked by DRM, and backed by a licensing agreement, which made copying those songs to more devices than Apple allowed, or transcoding them to a different format, a breach of contract. As market researcher Rob Enderle said back in 2006, “Owning implies control and if you bought the tracks on iTunes you don’t have complete control.” And Reuters’ Duncan Martell explained the non-ownership issue pretty clearly:

Apple’s FairPlay digital rights management, or DRM, software prevents you from listening to those purchased songs on a music player from Dell Inc., Creative, Sony, or others. The same thing goes for songs you’ve imported to your computer from CDs you already own.

The DRM software is Apple’s way of preventing piracy and is a large part of the reason why the recording industry has so warmly embraced the iTunes Music Store.

…Beyond just having songs you bought from iTunes “trapped” on the iPod and in iTunes, it’s also not a snap to move songs from an iPod – whether you bought them or initially pulled them off a CD – back up to a computer. While it’s possible to do so, Apple doesn’t make it easy, right off the bat, because it’s trying to discourage piracy.

So, how many songs has Apple actually sold, using that quaint, old-fashioned, definition of selling? The iTunes store hit 3 billion downloads in July 2007, shortly after iTunes Plus was launched. However, DRM wasn’t removed from every song in the store until two years later, around the time it hit the 6 billion mark. That likely puts the total “sold” at somewhere around 5 billion, given that between 2007 and 2009, the number of DRM-free songs steadily increased.

As to the other 5 billion, well, they’re still covered by DRM. Want to really own any of those you’ve got on your computer? Apple is happy to sell you an “upgrade” for 30 cents per song — or you can do what iTunes customers used to do regularly, and burn them to a CD, after which you pretty much do anything you want, as long as you don’t mind breaking your licensing agreement. Don’t worry. We won’t tell.

Update: I’m glad to see so much debate going on in the comments, and I wanted to make sure that I’m making my point clearly, since some commenters have raised some very good questions. Apple, as a company, has been very honest about the way it markets music, and has consistently referred to “downloads,” rather than sales. However, this distinction has been lost on much of the media, who refer to iTunes as having “sold 10 billion songs,” when that’s simply not the case. What Apple did in the pre-iTunes Plus era, was to “re-allocate copyright entitlements” through license agreements with consumers, as the Berkman Center put it in 2006.

Some commenters also point out that, by my logic, any “sale” of intellectual property isn’t actually a sale as such, because it’s limited by copyright. However, when a book, CD, work of art, etc., is sold, the purchaser has far more rights than does the licensee of a DRM-protected song. These items can be resold, given away, and in some cases, even copied under limited circumstances. That’s not the case with DRM-protected content.

Ultimately, I believe it is important to raise these issues, even if some feel it’s a pointless semantic exercise. If I’m resorting to using a very literal definition of what it is to “sell a song,” I’m doing so in the service of advancing the discussion of what it truly means to own something in the digital age, and I’m glad I’ve been able to get so much passionate feedback by doing so.

10 billionth song sold by Apple’s iTunes [AP]
Do you own songs bought online? Well, sort of [Reuters]

Remember last year, when American Airlines grounded thousands of flights to catch up on safety inspections? The Federal Aviation Administration does, and according to reports, may be about to hit AA with a fine of as much as $20 million, which would be more than double the previous record safety fine of $7.5 million, which Southwest paid last year.

Reports put the potential fine in the $10 million to $20 million range, based on statements from unnamed government officials.

American has insisted that passengers weren’t in any danger, despite the fact that wiring problems in some of the planes may have created a fire risk, according to government officials reached by Associated Press.

Loose fastening led to wire damage in several dozen of American’s 290 MD-80s and, in at least a few cases, an electrical discharge that’s a potential fire threat, according to the government and industry officials. They asked not to be identified because they weren’t authorized to speak publicly about the two-year investigation.

An AA spokesman told AP that the airline “found no evidence of any chaffing of wires in its inspection and reworking of the wire bundles.”

Reports: FAA May Hit American Airlines With Record Fine [NPR]
AP Sources: FAA Eyes Hefty Fines For American [AP]

PREVIOUSLY:
American Airlines Cancels 500 Flights, Grounds Additional Planes For Safety Inspections
American Cancels 933 More Flights, Raising Total To Over 2,500

It might seem obvious that spending extended amounts of time sprawled on the couch in a semi-vegetative state, chomping on an endless bowl of Cheesy Poofs and expending only the minimal energy required to occasionally flick a button on a remote can’t be healthy. But scientific research has confirmed what your mother told you: spend too much time watching TV, and it’ll make you sick — and maybe even kill you.

According to a new study by the Baker IDI Heart and Diabetes Institute in Melbourne, Australia, sitting in front of the tube for an extended period of time increases your chances of dying from heart problems, and also raises your risk of dying sooner from any cause. NPR’s Ira Flatow interviewed Dr. David Dunstan, who conducted the study:

Dr. DUNSTAN: [A] key finding was that when we compared people who watch less than two hours of television per day, people who watch more than four hours a day had a 46 percent higher risk of death from all causes and an 80 percent increased risk of death from cardiovascular disease. So it appears that the higher amounts of TV significantly increase the risk.

FLATOW: Forty-six percent, four hours a day. That – you know, the statistics in the United States are showing that the average person watches about five hours of TV a day here.

Dr. DUNSTAN: Yeah. And within Australia, our average is around about the three hours per day. So it does have serious implications, particularly for the U.S., for the population where, you know, TV viewing is substantially higher than what exists here in Australia.

Fortunately, there’s hope for the couchbound. According to Dunstan, just getting up and walking around can help keep that heart pumping.

Dr. DUNSTAN: When we’re sitting for prolonged periods, we’re not burning up much energy. And it appears that television contributes to an overall reduction in the amount of calories that we burn throughout the day. …

The other consequence that we’re starting to understand now is that when we’re sitting for prolonged times such as, you know, in front of the television or long hours in front of the computer screen at a desk, there’s an absence of muscle contractions. And there’s extensive evidence that indicates that muscle contractions are so essential for many of the body’s regulatory processes – for example, the breaking down and using of glucose. So when we’re remaining idle for prolonged periods, we’re disrupting those body’s typical regulatory processes.

FLATOW: So get off your chair and get up and move is what you’re saying. Get out of the car, take a walk.

Sounds about right. Does walking from the living room to the kitchen to grab another bag of chips count?

Watching TV Could Shorten Your Life [NPR via PSFK]

After refusing to sell any Macmillan books or ebooks for three days, Amazon.com today gave in to demands by the publisher that it start charging $15 for Macmillan ebooks, rather than Amazon’s customary $9.99. In a statement, Amazon warned that customers might “rebel against such a high price for books that cost far less to distribute than physical books.” Will they also rebel against a $259, black-and-white, DRM-laden e-reader that doesn’t let you share or re-sell books that you “own,” and can yank them back without notice at any time?

Publishers have long balked at Amazon’s $9.99 price, and many Kindle ebooks are priced higher. However, for most bestsellers, Amazon has stood its ground until now. However, with competition looming from Apple’s iPad and e-readers from Barnes & Noble, Sony and others, Amazon has clearly lost some leverage, and agreed to Macmillan’s terms. In a statement posted today, Amazon announced:

Macmillan, one of the “big six” publishers, has clearly communicated to us that, regardless of our viewpoint, they are committed to switching to an agency model and charging $12.99 to $14.99 for e-book versions of bestsellers and most hardcover releases.

We have expressed our strong disagreement and the seriousness of our disagreement by temporarily ceasing the sale of all Macmillan titles. We want you to know that ultimately, however, we will have to capitulate and accept Macmillan’s terms because Macmillan has a monopoly over their own titles, and we will want to offer them to you even at prices we believe are needlessly high for e-books. Amazon customers will at that point decide for themselves whether they believe it’s reasonable to pay $14.99 for a bestselling e-book. We don’t believe that all of the major publishers will take the same route as Macmillan. And we know for sure that many independent presses and self-published authors will see this as an opportunity to provide attractively priced e-books as an alternative.

We were always taught that competition drives prices down. However, in the ebook universe, it’s having the opposite effect. That might help Macmillan protect its margins in the short-run, but it isn’t exactly a great deal for consumers. And we all know what happened when record companies adopted a similar strategy a decade ago.

Announcement: Macmillan E-books [Amazon.com]

RELATED:
How To Load Up Your Kindle With Non-Amazon Ebooks
Amazon Deletes Your Books, Has Always Been At War With Eastasia

Consumer Reports has temporarily dropped its “recommended” tag for Toyota models that have been recalled due to potential accelerator-pedal problems. According to CR Auto Test head David Champion, these are “fundamentally good cars,” but CR felt that it had to drop its recommendation “until the accelerator problem is fixed.” Added Champion: “The instances of sticking accelerator pedals appear to be few compared to the millions of affected vehicles that have been sold.”

Toyota recently announced that all affected cars would be fixed within a month, and CR said it expects to reinstate its recommendation once the problem has been resolved.

CR’s advice for anyone who faces the risk of unintended acceleration — which isn’t limited to the recalled Toyotas — is to brake firmly, shift into neutral, steer to a safe location, shut off the car’s engine, and park. The organization has provided a video and a downloadable PDF with more details about these guidelines.

If you’re considering selling a Toyota model covered by the recall, you may want to wait until after the manufacturer’s fix in place. CR currently recommends against buying used versions of the affected models, and other industry watchers agree that you’ll do better if you wait a while: “Given the news, this is not the best week for a consumer to try to trade in their Toyota for a new car,” Jack R. Nerad of Kelley Blue Book told the Detroit News.

Consumer Reports suspends recommendations for recalled Toyotas [Consumer Reports Cars]
How to stop a runaway car: Five steps that can save your life [Consumer Reports Cars]
How to cope with sudden unintended acceleration (PDF)
Recall may dull Toyota’s image, resale values [Detroit News]

The Swiss government has reneged on a deal with the U.S. to disclose the names of American customers of UBS who may have stashed their cash in the Swiss bank to avoid taxes. Two Swiss courts said that the deal violated the country’s secrecy laws and could not be enforced.

According to The New York Times, the U.S. and Switzerland are still negotiating a way to get the names of some of the suspected tax evaders:

While the Swiss cabinet, known as the Swiss Federal Council, said in a statement that it would continue talks with the United States on the matter, it said there was a risk that the United States would resume civil proceedings filed against UBS in a Florida court last year. That case sought to force UBS to disclose the names of 52,000 wealthy American clients suspected of tax evasion through UBS’s private bank.

That lawsuit was suspended in August when the Swiss government, acting on behalf of UBS during months of intense negotiations, promised to hand over 4,450 UBS client names.

The Swiss government is considering putting the matter to a vote in the country’s Parliament.

In the meantime, we can only wonder what’s going through the heads of the 14,700 American tax cheats who voluntarily turned themselves in a few months ago in exchange for leniency. Actually, we don’t have to wonder. Head, meet wall.

Swiss Back Away From Deal to Give Names of Rich UBS Clients to U.S. [NYT]

AT&T may have tried to slow sales of the iPhone in New York to avoid putting additional stress on its overtaxed network, but in the company’s earnings call today, the talk was all about how things are getting better. In slides shown to investors, the company pointed to service improvements in New York and San Francisco — the two cities where customer service chief Ralph De La Vega had warned that data hogs had been eating up too much network capacity.

The company highlighted its network, boasting that it has the “fastest 3G network” in the U.S., and reaches “97 percent” of the population. Other boasts: 1,900 new cell cites added in 2009, voice quality up 22% and broadband throughput up 19%.

AT&T also said that it plans to spend the next 90 days working on “Continued Enhancements to Drive Further Improvement.” Gee, isn’t there a new, highly anticipated product — that just happens to come with an AT&T 3G card and a $29.99 per month unlimited access plan — coming out in 90 days? If that product takes off, AT&T had better drive further improvement, or we may hear the company’s CSRs saying New York isn’t ready for it. And that may make Steve very unhappy.

AT&T Investor Update [AT&T via Engadget]

Bank of America’s new CEO, Brian Moynihan, didn’t bother to ask what his salary would be when he accepted the job late last year. In fact, he’s been working for almost a month without knowing how much he’s getting paid. Maybe he assumed he’d get a deal like predecessor Ken Lewis, who earned an annual salary of $1.5 million (plus bonus), and pocketed over $50 million to walk out the door at the end of last year. Well, Brian, here’s why job coaches always tell you to ask about money upfront: Instead of $1.5 million, you’re stuck with a meager $900,000 this year. And your bonus? Yeah, we’ll get back to you on that.

According to The Wall Street Journal:

Mr. Moynihan’s salary has been up in the air since he was named CEO in December. He didn’t raise the subject in his talks with Bank of America’s board, content to work it out later, said people familiar with the situation.

As expected, directors decided not to award Mr. Moynihan a bonus for 2009, people familiar with the deliberations said Wednesday. Bank of America officials told Treasury Department pay czar Kenneth Feinberg last year that none of the executives reporting directly to Mr. Lewis in 2008 would be eligible for an incentive-based award in 2009.

The 19% salary increase is consistent with the company’s effort to tread lightly on supercharged compensation matters following the repayment of $45 billion in federal bailout funds late last year. …

Mr. Moynihan, who took office Jan. 1, previously ran Bank of America’s consumer and small-business banking unit. His new salary doesn’t include any bonus he might collect for 2010 performance. His bonus will be decided early next year, people familiar with the situation said.

We assume Brian’s going to do just fine, despite his meager salary. And, as the Journal points out, he could have done much worse: “Bank of America didn’t want to go as low as Citigroup Inc., where CEO Vikram Pandit agreed to work for $1 in base salary until the New York bank returns to sustained profitability.”
BofA’s Moynihan Gets a 19% Raise [WSJ]

The Obama Administration has been promoting its financial reform proposals almost since the inauguration, and most of the administration’s plans, including the creation of a Consumer Financial Protection Agency, have wide support among consumer advocates.So, how are consumers doing, and what did the President say last night that might be good news?

The Seattle PI’s Boomer Consumer went through the speech and highlighted the pro-consumer points. Among them:

• Imposing fees on the largest banks, who are giving out big bonuses again.
• Adopting new laws on financial institution reform, which have passed the House but not the Senate.
• Making college more affordable through a $10,000 tax credit on Pell Grants and a limit of 10 percent of salary for payments plus the forgiveness of student loans in 10 years for those who enter public service and in 20 years for everyone.
• Helping for those facing retirement built their “nest egg.”
• Shoring up the housing market.
• Passing health insurance reform to help the uninsured, eliminate preexisting conditions, and reduce premiums.

Nothing really new there, though the SOTU speech is a good way to get a handle on the administration’s priorities, and financial reforms were definitely in the spotlight. The President also highlighted what he called successes for consumers during his first year in office, including:

• Stabilization of the financial system, even though the bank bailout was unpopular, even with him.
• Changes to COBRA, making it 65 percent less expensive for the unemployed.
• Adoption of 25 different tax cuts to help people and small businesses.
• Creation of 2 millions jobs through the economic stimulus bill.
• Recovery of retirement funds

.

We’ll see how much really gets done in Congress over the next few weeks. Already, outgoing Senate Banking Committee Chairman Chris Dodd has hinted that the CFPA might be scuttled as part of a bargain to get Republican support — which may be needed if Democrats aren’t able to find a way around the loss of their “supermajority” in the Senate. Looks like the prez and his allies have a lot of work ahead of them if they want to see real financial reform this year.

What did President Obama State of the Union speech offer to consumers? [Seattle PI Boomer Consumer]

RELATED: What’s the State of the Union for Consumers? [Consumer Reports Money Blog]

Apple’s Steve Jobs finally introduced that iPad the whole world has been talking about for the past two centuries. What can you do with it? Watch movies. Read ebooks and news. Send email. Play games. All from a shiny multitouch display. Right, the same stuff you can do on an iPhone (except make calls, but you can’t really do that on an iPhone either). But it’s bigger! Faster! And will only cost $499. Quick, where can I buy one?

Since it doesn’t have built-in 3G connectivity, the iPad is actually more like a giant iPod touch than an iPhone. That means relying on WiFi to get on the internets, though Apple says that 3G-enabled iPads are coming in 90 days for $629. Unlimited access will be $29.99 a month — no contract required.

What you get for your $499 is a large (9.7-in screen), versatile, portable media player, which can handle video, music, ebooks (er, iBooks), games and the web. It’s not a “tablet computer” in the traditional sense; Apple does take a stab at productivity with a version of the iWork office suite and an external keyboard, but the focus is definitely on entertainment.

The iPad will run most App Store apps, and sports a user interface reminiscent of the iPhone, but reworked to take advantage of the larger screen. And according to Jobs, its (sealed, inaccessible) battery is good for 10 hours.

Yes, the iPad does look kinda cool. But is it $499 worth of cool? That price is half what some pundits expected, so the iPad may find a solid market among early adopters and Apple fans. But the rest of us may want to wait for the inevitable 2.0 version — and the price cut that will hit this version once that lands in stores.

Live Apple “Come see our latest creation” / tablet event coverage [gdgt]

Consumer Reports Electronics Blog

Yes, we know it’s the middle of a work day. But we also know you’re probably switching between Consumerist and your favorite tech news site right now, hitting refresh over and over, as you wait to see what new gift His Steveness has bestowed upon mankind. Might as well have some fun while you’re doing it, right? So, go ahead and join the Apple Press Conference Drinking Game right now.

(Oh, and if you’re keeping score at home, it really is called the iPad, and Steve called it a “magical and revolutionary” product today! I think that deserves a 40!)