Many people admit to being animal lovers, but a small number take the term to extremes – and fewer still of these go shouting from the barn rooftops about their exploits. We just wouldn’t understand. That said, for zoophiles it’s not always about sex or even erotic attraction; the love for that dog, horse or dolphin may be of a purely emotional kind. And yet for every person who professes to have a ‘genuinely loving relationship’ with an animal, there are others who’ve misinterpreted the expression heavy petting or simply decided bestiality’s best. Here are seven people who came shamelessly out of the stable – or were forced out barking and screaming. Bambi lovers beware.
Horse Riding Mr Hands, Washington
In 2005, Kenneth Pinyan came to ignominious fame at the last when he died shortly after being anonymously dropped at an emergency room in rural Washington. The cause of death: a perforated colon. Police investigating the case followed clues like hoof prints to a nearby horse farm, where they found bucket loads of videos of the 45-year old Boeing engineer and others being ridden by Arabian stallions. Pinyan had been distributing the home made horse porn under the name Mr Hands. Because bestiality wasn’t illegal in Washington State at the time, no charges were filed, but the scandal soon changed that with a bill passed banning sex with animals and its videotaping. There were few naysayers.
Stimulating Dolphin Story, UK
Flipper fans take note. In 1991, animal rights activist Alan Cooper was acquitted after being accused of outraging public decency by masturbating a well known tame dolphin off Britain’s northeast coast following complaints from onlookers. After five days of evidence, including descriptions of how Freddie was known to tow bathers through the water by hooking his large penis around them – thus finding a social rather than sexual use for his erect member – the jury cleared the 39-year-old man of the lewd act with which he was charged. In summing up the £30,000 cost of the sensational trial, the judge said this had been “the most expensive lesson in dolphin sociology” he had ever heard of. Stimulating.
Do You Take this Goat? Sudan
A man in Sudan caught with his pants down having sex with a neighbour’s goat in 2006 was ordered by a council of elders to pay the owner-cum-in-law a dowry of 15,000 dinars ($50) and marry the beast. After hearing a loud noise at midnight, the neighbour rushed outside to find the amorous Mr Tombe with his caprine conquest. Asked what he was doing, Tombe fell off the goat’s back and was quickly tied up. But instead of sirens, the incident prompted the sound of wedding bells: the council decided against the police in favour of making Tombe take the goat, Rose, for his wife. Tragically, Rose died just months later after choking on a plastic bag, though she did leave a kid – thankfully not half human – behind.
Doing it Doggy Style, Cambodia
In 2005, a newlywed husband caught by his wife in the midst of a “passionate embrace” with the family dog proclaimed he loved his canine companion more. After being busted in bed with the two year old mongrel bitch, the 24-year old man compounded matters by asking for a divorce, and he and his 20-year old wife soon separated. “We cannot solve the problem of his relationship with his dog, because under Cambodian law it is not strictly illegal,” commented the frank yet sensitive district police chief. “It is amazing, but this husband is not crazy. It seems he is a passionate human being who looked at a dog, and the more he looked, the more passionate he became.” Told like true romance.
Man Weds Dog, India
In southern India, 2007 saw another union between man and man’s best friend, this time inside the sanctity of wedlock. A man, one P. Selvakumar, married a female dog in a traditional Hindu ceremony in an attempt to atone for stoning two other dogs to death – an act he believed cursed him. The 33-year-old Selvakumar tied the knot with the sari-draped former stray, named Selvi, who was chosen by family members, then bathed and clothed for the wedding at a temple in Tamil Nadu. But while the bride may have looked bonny, some have questioned whether a man who hung the bodies of the dogs he killed from a tree 15 years earlier is fit to be a kind and caring husband, let alone a pooch’s pal or chum.
Till Death Deer, Wisconsin
Wisconsin set the sordid stage when, in 2007, Bryan James Hathaway was convicted for having sex with a dead deer. The 20-year old was sentenced to probation and evaluation as a sex offender, the least some had hoped for. The case brought up some interesting legal issues because the statute prohibits sex with animals, but fails to mention carcasses, which in turn raised the issue of at what point a dead animal ceases to be an animal. Such philosophical interpretations cut little ice with the court, however, and Hathaway pleaded no contest to a charge of “mistreatment of an animal”. In 2005, he was also convicted after shooting a 26-year-old horse dead in order to have sex with it. Steady on chap!
Real Snake Charmer, India
A woman from India was allegedly so charmed by a cobra that she was married to it at a traditional Hindu wedding celebrated by 2,000 guests. Bimbala Das claimed a bond of understanding existed between them, saying, “we communicate in a peculiar way”. Maybe so, but during the union the hesitant groom failed to emerge from his nearby ant hill abode, a brass replica standing in instead. Having previously been ill, Das recovered when she offered milk to the snake and soon fell in love. After converting to the animal-loving Vaishnav sect, she gained permission to marry the cobra, but a recent investigation suggests the incident may have been staged as part of a local religious power struggle.
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