Author: Serkadis

Not too long ago, we wrote about a bizarre situation where a UK newspaper was caught flat out making up a story that was completely wrong. It had interviewed an American professor whose findings were the exact opposite of what the newspaper wanted to print, so it just pretended his research said what they wanted it to say. And, now, reports have come out about how the Daily Mail, one of the more popular UK tabloids, published an article by a supposed “child protection expert,” all about the evils of Facebook, detailing how he “posed as a 14-year-old girl” and:

“Even after 15 years in child protection, I was shocked by what I encountered when I spent just five minutes on Facebook posing as a 14-year-old girl. Within 90 seconds, a middle-aged man wanted to perform a sex act in front of me.”

Except, of course, the whole story has since fallen apart. What he describes in the article is not even possible on Facebook. If you create an account of a 14-year-old, you’re limited in who you can talk to, and it’s not easy to just start chatting with random people that you don’t know on the site. As people began pointing out that the claims in the article made no sense at all, and were unlikely to be true, the BBC’s Rory Cellan Jones contacted the author and found out that the whole thing was basically made up:

I contacted Mr Williams-Thomas to check a few facts, and he confirmed that the story had indeed been “ghosted” by a Mail reporter. He says he got back to the paper with a number of changes before publication, but although they acknowledged receipt of his alterations, they were not acted on.

The Mail later changed the story, and appended a correction saying that the social network in question was not Facebook, though it (and Williams-Thomas) refuse to say which social network this happened on. Furthermore, the fact that Williams-Thomas now admits that the whole article was ghostwritten by the Mail seems pretty ridiculous as well. The press has had a field day over the years attacking social networks, but ghost writing a blatantly false hit piece on Facebook goes beyond the typical “blaming” of Facebook for the actions of its users.

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Ford Motor Co., a police vehicle market leader for 15 years, today unveiled their new Police Interceptor, which they say will be offered without interruption when the current Crown Victoria Police Interceptor ends production in Sept. 2011.

“Police nationwide asked for a new kind of weapon in the battle for public safety, and Ford is answering the call with a purpose-built vehicle – engineered and built in America – that’s as dynamic as it is durable,” said Mark Fields, Ford president of The Americas.

While Ford doesn’t say it anywhere in its press release, the new Police Interceptor is clearly based on the new 2010 Taurus. When it hits markets in late 2011, the new Police Interceptor will be offered with two V6 engine options. The first will be a 3.5L V6 engine that produces 263-hp and offers E85 capability. It is 25 percent more efficient than the current 4.6L SOHC V8 offered in the Crown Victoria. Ford will also offer its new 3.5L EcoBoost twin-turbocharged V6 making 365-hp and 350 lb-ft of torque. That’s the same engine that powers the new 2010 Ford Taurus SHO.

Click here to get prices on the 2010 Ford Taurus.

Of course there are a number of modifications made to the vehicle to cater to law enforcement needs. Ken Czubay, Ford’s vice president of marketing, sales and service said that the company worked with police partners on every detail. He said that approximately “90 percent of the interior has been redesigned to meet the needs of our special police customers.”

The new Ford Police Interceptor will go into production at Ford’s Chicago Assembly Plant. Ford also said that it will add a second Police Interceptor to the lineup. The model will be a utility vehicle – more details will be available in the third-quarter of 2010.

2012 Ford Police Interceptor:

Press Release:

ALL-NEW FORD POLICE INTERCEPTOR PURPOSE-BUILT TO LEAD MARKET, SUPPORT THOSE WHO SERVE, PROTECT

* Ford reveals its all-new, purpose-built Police Interceptor, engineered to exceed durability, safety and performance of today’s leading police car – the Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor
* New Ford Police Interceptor sedan will offer two fuel-efficient powertrain options – including EcoBoost with all wheel-drive – along with an array of safety technologies; interior has been designed to meet unique law enforcement needs
* Ford’s new Police Interceptor will be offered without interruption when production of the Ford Crown Victoria ends in late 2011
* Ford confirms production of an additional Police Interceptor, a utility vehicle that will be pursuit-rated to complement the sedan; vehicle to be revealed later this year

Las Vegas, March 12, 2010 – Ford reveals its all-new, purpose-built Police Interceptor sedan today, showcasing a car for law enforcement officials that will exceed the durability, safety, performance and fuel economy of the industry’s leading police car – the Ford Crown Victoria – while also confirming production of a Police Interceptor utility vehicle.

Ford, the police vehicle market leader for 15 years, specifically designed and engineered an all-new Police Interceptor to handle the rigors of police work, including industry-leading powertrain, safety and technology innovations.

Ford will also add a second Police Interceptor to the lineup, a utility vehicle to provide customers a choice of the best vehicle to suit their needs. More details will be released in the third quarter of this year.

“Police nationwide asked for a new kind of weapon in the battle for public safety, and Ford is answering the call with a purpose-built vehicle – engineered and built in America – that’s as dynamic as it is durable,” said Mark Fields, Ford president of The Americas.

To develop the all-new Police Interceptor, Ford engineers worked hand-in-hand with Ford’s Police Advisory Board of law enforcement professionals, which provided input on key vehicle attributes such as safety, performance, durability, driver comfort and functionality.

“Their feedback mattered to us,” said Scott Tobin, Ford vehicle line director for cars and crossovers. “Safety and durability were at the top of their list. So safety and durability were at the top of ours.”

A focus on safety
Continuing Ford’s safety leadership includes engineering the Police Interceptor to pass 75-mph rear-end crash testing. Currently, the Crown Victoria Police Interceptor is the only pursuit sedan to meet this test.

The new Police Interceptor also features Ford’s exclusive Safety Canopy® side-curtain air bag rollover protection system to help protect front and rear outboard passengers in both rollover and side-impact crashes. The multiple side-curtain air bags use Ford’s unique Roll Fold technology to help them slip between the occupant and the side window.

Increased power, enhanced sophistication
Ford’s Police Interceptor engine strategy will provide a V-6 lineup that performs equal to or better than V-8 engines. The lineup comes with two powertrain options, allowing police to choose the powerhouse that best meets their patrol requirements.

A highly efficient 3.5-liter V-6 engine delivering at least 263 horsepower and E85 compatibility is 25 percent more efficient than the 4.6-liter Single Overhead Cam (SOHC) V-8 offered in the current Crown Victoria Police Interceptor.

Plus, an all-new 3.5-liter EcoBoost™ V-6 twin-turbocharged, direct-injection engine will deliver at least 365 horsepower and 350 ft.-lb. of torque across a broad rpm range.

“We have an extremely powerful standard engine, and to top that off, we also offer our exclusive EcoBoost technology,” said Tobin. “Both are designed for the severe-duty cycle that police engage in on a daily basis.”

EcoBoost brings municipalities and police fleet administrators the first ultra high-performance, yet environmentally friendly, police pursuit vehicle. Offering performance that bests normally aspirated V-8 powered police cruisers and comparable fuel economy and CO2 emissions to the standard V-6, EcoBoost represents a triple-win for police departments, the tax-paying constituents they serve and the environment they help collectively to preserve.

A high-capacity six-speed SelectShift Automatic™ transmission delivers the power of EcoBoost to the road via the sophisticated torque-sensing all-wheel-drive system.

“Ford remains committed to leading the police vehicle market, and our new Police Interceptor demonstrates how much engineering and innovation we’re willing to invest to address the unique needs of those who protect and serve communities throughout America,” Fields said.

Rigidly tested, police-tuned
Throughout its development, Ford’s new Police Interceptor has been put through the paces, undergoing a battery of torture tests to ensure its individual components can hold up to the rigorous driving styles of police professionals.

Certification testing designed by the Michigan State Police and the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department evaluates the durability and capability of the vehicle through a variety of tests where the car’s systems are pushed to the limits for nearly an hour and a half – far exceeding the demands most patrol cars ever experience.

To meet the rigors of the durability testing, the brakes have been increased in size and performance. The cooling package is purpose-built as well, featuring a heavy-duty alternator and larger radiator. Its honeycomb grille is designed to work in harmony with the interior components, offering more air flow throughout the vehicle. Plus, the standard 18-inch steel wheels are vented, designed to work in concert with the enhanced brake system.

“This vehicle is pursuit-ready,” said Carl Widmann, vehicle engineering manager. “It’s no nonsense, through and through.”

Functional, inside and out
Special features continue inside, too. “Working with our police partners, we’ve considered every detail,” said Ken Czubay, Ford vice president of Marketing, Sales and Service. “Approximately 90 percent of the interior has been redesigned to meet the needs of our special police customers.”

Front seats have been specially designed, with a lower bolster removed to better accommodate officers’ utility belts. Inserted into the seatback are anti-stab plates, designed to protect front-seat occupants.

The Police Interceptor second row also has been optimized to address police-specific needs.
The vinyl seats are specially sculpted and set back to improve second-row space and maximize legroom. The back door hinges are modified to open up another 10 degrees versus traditional rear doors.

The Ford Police Interceptor also is equipped with a column shift specifically designed so the console area is free for the ever-increasing amounts of aftermarket police equipment necessary for officers to do their jobs.

The new vehicle also features:

* BLIS® (Blind Spot Information System): The system uses two radar sensors located in the rear quarter panels to detect vehicles in the surrounding lanes. If a vehicle enters the driver’s blind-spot zones, the system alerts the driver with a warning light in the side-view mirror.
* Cross Traffic Alert: This system uses the existing BLIS radar modules to sense oncoming traffic when slowly backing out of a parking spot. This industry-exclusive system functions only while the vehicle is in reverse and warns when cross-traffic appears within three car-widths.
* Rear View Camera System: When the vehicle is in rear camera mode, a color image with guidance markers on the rear view mirror will assist the driver in backing up.
* Reverse Sensing System: An audible tone will alert the driver to certain objects up to 6 feet behind the vehicle.
* Standard AdvanceTrac® ESC (electronic stability control): This helps maintain the intended path by measuring side-to-side yaw, or skidding, by the vehicle’s speed, throttle position and steering wheel angle. When wheel slip is sensed, AdvanceTrac reduces engine torque and applies selected brakes.
* Ford SYNC®: The Ford-exclusive, hands-free information system has the potential to be customized and remapped to work specifically with police aftermarket equipment such as lights and sirens, allowing officers to focus on the task at hand.

Ford’s new Police Interceptor sedan will be manufactured at Ford’s Chicago (Ill.) Assembly Plant and will be offered without interruption when production of the Crown Victoria Police Interceptor ends in late 2011.

– By: Omar Rana

Don Esmond, senior vice president of automotive operations for Toyota Motor Sales, said that he was “mystified” James Sikes’ Toyota Prius gas pedal becoming stuck and causing the car to speed out of control on a San Diego freeway.

Toyota officials and Federal investigators are taking a serious look into the incident and Toyota officials said that they have been in extensive talks with Sikes. Sikes and his lawyer have said that he has no plans to sue Toyota over the ordeal.

Esmond said all Prius models are equipped with a computer system that cuts power to the wheels if the brake and gas pedals are depressed at the same time, something Sikes said he was doing.

“It’s tough for us to say if we’re skeptical. I’m mystified in how it could happen with the brake override system,” Esmond said.

Yesterday, we learned that Sikes filed for bankruptcy in 2008 and has over $700,000 in debt. New reports show that Sikes is also an owner if a sex site for couples. California Business Records shows the company Adutlswinglife LLC is owned by a Mr. James Sikes of Carlsbad, California. Not that his occupation or bank account are linked to his Toyota Prius but – we’re just saying.

– By: Omar Rana

Source: Jalopnik, Forbes

Even with the departure of bosses Jason West and Vince Zampella, it seems a lot of Infinity Ward’s staff are still sticking around at Activision. It’s not out of loyalty, though. According to a Kotaku report it’s

Throughout much of last year, if there was one thing everyone was SURE was going to happen, it was a trade war. It was probably going to be between China and the US.

Now, granted, there has been a little bit. The US has slapped a few, narrow tarrifs on Chinese steel. Europe has done a little, and of course China maintains its uber-mercantilist yuan peg.

But let’s be clear, in addition to every other doom scenario, there hasn’t been a massive trade war, and there are no signs one is about to break out.

Even the WTO, which is as commited to free trade as they come, isn’t too concerned anymore.

Flop.

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See Also:

• Andy Xie: China Better Open Up Its Economy Fast, Else An Obama Trade War Will Crush It
• The Trade War Just Got Real: U.S. Steel Makes New Anti-Dumping Complaint Against China
• Michael Pettis: China Has No Idea How Vulnerable It Is To A Trade War

General Motors Vice President Bob Lutz, who is scheduled to retire his position on May 1, recently said GM will keep making big trucks and SUVs because U.S. buyers demand them, but a major portion of them will be gasoline-electric hybrids. He also said that the Detroit automaker will pay back its bailout loan at a profit for U.S. taxpayers without lowering the quality in vehicle development.

Speaking to Detroit News, Lutz said that GM will apply hybrid technology to more vehicles in order to satisfy the fuel-economy standards that will rise 40 percent to an average 35 mpg by 2020. He said that the cost of going hybrid will increase cost for GM, since charging the customer for a hybrid system would make the vehicles too expensive. GM currently has seven hybrids in its lineup.

In a separate interview with Reuters, Lutz said that GM was on track for a turnaround that will enable it to pay $8 billion of government debt and sell stock, allowing the government to get rid of its 61 percent stake in GM.

He said that he expects the government to make money on the $50 billion loan given to GM. GM will then offer stock once it can show positive cash flow.

“Once we have that story together, I’m convinced that we will be able to sell equity to private investors and take the government out of the ownership business,” Lutz said.

GM’s Chairman and CEO Ed Whitacre recently said that GM will pay back $8 billion of government loans before June, when it had originally scheduled to start paying back the U.S. Treasury.

– By: Stephen Calogera

Source: Detroit News, MSNBC

Beyonce attended the ceremonial groundbreaking for Barclays Center at Atlantic Yards on March 11, 2010 in New York City.

03.11 – Barclays Center Ceremony

Late last year we noticed that Apple seemed to be getting needlessly (and at times ridiculously) aggressive over its trademarks in Australia. There was the software developer who had a product named iPodRip, which had been around for years, which Steve Jobs suddenly decided needed to change its name. When the developer pleaded directly to Jobs, Jobs replied “Change your apps name. Not that big of a deal,” which is amusing since the Beatles once tried to force Jobs to change the name of Apple — and to him it was a big deal. Then there’s the lawsuit against Macpro, a company that’s been in business for 26 years — since before Apple even had Macintosh as a product. And, finally, there’s Apple’s decision to fight Woolworth’s in Australia (and New Zealand) because its logo looks sorta like an apple, though absolutely nothing like Apple’s apple logo.

While some of those disputes are ongoing, Apple has now lost a different trademark claim, while also being smacked down for thinking that just because a product has the letter “i” it means it violates an Apple trademark. In this case, it wasn’t even the first letter of the product — which was DOPi. Admittedly, this is iPod backwards, but no moron in a hurry — which, I should note, was the legal standard that Apple’s own lawyers brought back into vogue a few years ago — is going to look at a product called DOPi and confuse it with an official Apple product.

And it wasn’t like the folks on the tribunal just don’t like Apple. The head guy is apparently a fan, but finds it ridiculous that Apple seems to think anything with an “i” is infringing:

In the tribunal hearing, IP Australia, the government body that oversees trademark applications, said Apple overlooked the fact that there were already a large number of products that have the “i” prefix, for example iSkin and iSoft to name just two, all of which are operating in the same class of electronic goods as Apple.

The registrar overseeing the case Michael Kirov, who confessed to being a tech head and a fan of Apple’s products, judged that Apple failed to demonstrate that a “person of ordinary intelligence and memory” would automatically assume that just because a product carries the letter “i” it is an Apple product.

Chalk one up for iCommon sense.

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Straight out of GDC, here’s a new cinematic trailer for Brink, Splash Damage’s upcoming id Tech 4-powered futuristic FPS.

By Mohamadou Houmfa YAOUNDE, Mar. 12 (IPS) A support network for women's political participation, are challenging head-on what it calls "electoral apathy", after noting a growing trend in electoral abstention.

The civil society organisation, More Women in Politics, took advantage of International Women's Day commemorations to address the issue and discuss some of its own strategies during a conference in Yaounde, the capital of Cameroon, on Mar. 8.

The Central African country's 2007 legislative and municipal elections in particular were marked by their low levels of participation.

According to figures published by the minister of territorial administration and decentralisation, only five million Cameroonians registered to vote in 2007 out of a total estimated population of 18 million. And 62 percent of those, three million Cameroonians, actually voted.

The reclaiming of Cameroon's electorate, obviously tired of political games, is now the battle cry of many political groups and several civil society organisations in the country.

The More Women in Politics network is part of this same movement. It was launched by a group of women led by Justine Diffo, a lawyer who teaches at the University of Yaounde II.

"Women alone account for 52 percent of the Cameroonian population, so they carry a potentially determining demographic weight that should be mobilised for a massive registration and greater political participation electoral process," Diffo told IPS.

"Women must register to vote. But first the need their official documents. Whereas still today there are women who go about their daily business without a national identity card," Catherine Abena, Minister for the Defense of Women and Families, said during the conference.

Guy Parfait Songué, a political scientist and lecturer at the University of Douala, the economic capital, said that the low participation of Cameroonians – including women – in the political process has its roots in the violence of the decolonisation process.

"There was a veritable crisis of citizenship in Cameroon. We must not forget that the heart of this country was decimated before independence and during the 10 following years. The nationalists who fought for the country's independence were decimated by napalm by French settlers. This has weakened national sentiment," he said.

For the academic, weak political involvement – from both men and women – in Cameroon is also due to psychological and anthropological causes.

"Asking people to be involved in politics is tantamount to spurring them into leadership. But we cannot promote the spirit of leadership of an individual while refusing to value their potential. It starts in the family where children's leadership (whether boys and girls) is prohibited. They are taught fear and doubt instead. You cannot foster the leadership potential of a child after denigrating them their whole life. Parents should start by changing their relationships with children," Songué explained.

The ministry for the defence of women and families agrees that there is a real problem. "Women have weak political culture. And texts that establish gender equality, such as the constitution, are not very well known or understood," said Jean-Pierre Makanga, the ministry's deputy director for family rights advocacy.

This is despite the fact that political parties advocate for more gender parity. One of these is the the Rassemblement démocratique du peuple camerounais (Democratic Rally of the Cameroon People), the party currently in power.

"The party rarely follows the rules set by its hierarchy in regards to integrating women and youth in its candidate list during legislative and municipal elections," Makanga noted, highlighting the attitude that hampers women's political participation.

However, the representation of women in political life in Cameroon has improved slightly due to the feminist advocacy and government efforts.

Quoting the ministry of territorial administration and decentralisation, Makanga noted that in 1982 there were 336 women in municipal councils as opposed to 1,651 today. Progress was also registered in parliament where a woman was elected for the first time in 1957. The National Assembly now has 10 women MPs out of 180.

But progress is still insufficient, since according Makanga, since its creation women represented only 8.41 of those in parliament, as opposed to 11.16 of elected officials in municipal councils.

"Women should get involved in associations and groups, and not only to pay dues, eat, drink and assist each other in difficult times," said Songué.

"I'll use every gathering to spread the message: women's vote is key to choosing representatives and especially in electing other women," Ngala Esther Ntale vowed. Ntale is an MP and member of the Social Democratic Front, the main opposition party.

Senate elections are planned this year in Cameroon since President Paul Biya has announced the establishment of a senate, while the next presidential election is expected in 2011.

Aware that "elections are a success only if we managed to mobilise a critical mass of 60 percent of the electorate," the "More Women in Politics" network intends to take decisive action to mobilise 52 percent of Cameroon women so that the voice of women is now heard more forcefully, Diffo stressed.

(FIN/IPS/AF/CT/IP/HD/WO/GR/WP/MD/MH/AIT/10)

Does Prius Sudden Acceleration Syndrome (PSAD) discriminate against the young?

As Theodore Frank at the Washington Examiner points out, here are the reported ages of all 24 of the fatal Toyota (TM) cases:

60, 61, 63, 66, 68, 71, 72, 72, 77, 79, 83, 85, 89

Could it be that Toyota’s PR crisis is actually a crisis of older folks improperly slamming on the pedals, and not some mysterious manufacturing glitch?

Join the conversation about this story »

See Also:

• Toyota Blasts ABC For Rigged TV Shot
• Toyota Recalling 2004-2009 Priuses Over Gas Pedal Issues
• Why ‘Modern Family’ Still Drives Toyota

Washington is patting itself on the back for having orchestrated an amazing economic recovery. But Washington lawmakers are a delusional bunch of boneheads, say Marc Faber and Mike “Mish” Shedlock, editor of the Gloom, Boom, and Doom Report and investment advisor at SitkaPacific Capital Management, respectively.

The economy is NOT recovering, they say, and the U.S. faces a depressing “eventuality” of either crushing deflation (Shedlock) or runaway inflation (Faber). The timing and type of this eventuality is uncertain, say the gurus, but they are certain it’s too late for America to change course.

“It’s beyond repair — it’s too late,” to avert fiscal disaster, Faber declares.

“The day of reckoning has arrived,” Mish adds. “The question is how long it takes to play out.”

This grim outlook doesn’t mean you’re helpless. Faber recommends individuals prepare for doomsday by buying gold, owning assets abroad and buying property outside of major cities.

Click here to see more from Faber and Mish:

The Great “Inflation Debate or Deflation?” Debate: Mish vs. Dr. Doom

Marc Faber: Don’t Expect Another Crash … Bernanke Won’t Allow It

Join the conversation about this story »

See Also:

• Faber: It’s Dead Simple, The Supply Of Dollars Will Grow Way Faster Than The Supply Of Gold
• Faber: Now There’s A 30% Chance China Will Crash And Burn
• CNBC Anchors Freak Out After Marc Faber Says US Will Default

Filed under: Motorsports

There are quite a few changes coming for the FIA GT this year. For starters, the GT1 series will become a true world championship, as the FIA has announced an expansion that includes races on four different continents. Unfortunately, the Canadian race has been dropped from the schedule, but Silverstone, Nürburgring, Spa and Interlagos are all on the roster.

In addition to the new venues, the GT1 category will also focus solely on privateer teams with cars that meet new regulations for 2010. Many of the teams recently headed to the Paul Ricard circuit in France to test out their new cars including an imposing duo of Nissan GT-R racecars. Between sessions, the teams gathered on track for a brace of group photos which we’ve included in the high-res gallery below. Enjoy!

[Source: GT1World.com]

2010 FIA GT1 World Championship contenders pose for the camera originally appeared on Autoblog on Fri, 12 Mar 2010 13:31:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Germany has finally capitulated and has agreed, with the rest of the eurozone, to a multibillion-euro bailout of its most embattled member.

The Guardian: The eurozone has agreed a multibillion-euro bailout for Greece as part of a package to shore up the single currency after weeks of crisis, the Guardian has learnt.

Senior sources in Brussels said that Berlin had bowed to the bailout agreement despite huge resistance in Germany and that the finance ministers of the “eurozone” – the 16 member states including Greece who use the euro – are to finalise the rescue package on Monday. The single currency’s rulebook will also be rewritten to enforce greater fiscal discipline among members.

The member states have agreed on “co-ordinated bilateral contributions” in the form of loans or loan guarantees to Greece if Athens finds itself unable to refinance its soaring debt and requests help from the EU, a senior European commission official said.

Continue reading ->

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See Also:

• Germany Wants Greece To Sell Off Its Islands In Return For Cash
• Greece Bags $5 Billion From Investors Offering Killer Yield As Investors Bet On ECB Backing
• Heroic Greek Parliament Just Passed Austerity Measure While Riots Erupt In Athens

You gotta love the MPAA for the sheer Hollywood brashness of two recent press releases, that the Washington Post’s Rob Pegoraro decided to compare and call the MPAA on its blatant dishonesty. The first press release, from back in December, was all about how the internet and file trading were killing the industry:

Yet our industry faces the relentless challenge of the theft of its creative content, a challenge extracting an increasingly unbearable cost.

Now, we already knew that wasn’t true, and were among those who pointed out that the industry had just experienced its best year at the box office ever. And, of course, that’s what the second press release was about. It was the MPAA bragging about what an awesome year Hollywood had in 2009.

Of course, the MPAA spokesperson that Pegoraro spoke to pulled out the usual claim that while the box office may be doing great, it’s the secondary market (DVDs and such) that are suffering from all those nasty internet people. Of course, this is quite ironic, since the MPAA fought about as hard as possible against the very concept of a secondary market, with former MPAA boss Jack Valenti once declaring: “I say to you that the VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston strangler is to the woman home alone.” For the MPAA to now whine that the very secondary market it fought so hard to prevent from existing is now shrinking is the height of ridiculousness.

And, of course, even that claim by the MPAA isn’t accurate. It pointed Pegoraro to a report that it claimed supported this claim of file sharing killing the DVD market — but Pegoraro notes that the report actually notes the decline in sales of DVDs isn’t because of file sharing, but because of a better, more efficient rental market. Of course, the MPAA and Hollywood are also trying to stop that new rental market from existing as well (another Boston strangler, huh?) by falsely pointing to a study which it pretends says that Redbox and Netflix are killing jobs in Hollywood — but which actually notes jobs will grow.

Basically, it looks like Hollywood will repeatedly say the exact opposite of what research shows in its quest to get ever greater protectionist policies out of the US government, even as it’s absolutely thriving, despite an economic downturn.

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How did we survive all these years without functional yogurt products? If it weren’t for Yoplait and Dannon enhancing our digestive facilities, I bet we’d never get anything done in the bathroom. I, for one, can’t recall the last time I had a satisfying bowel movement without concurrently sucking on an extra large Purple Gogurt as I sat astride the toilet.

Yoplait and Dannon are responsible for injecting more culture into our lives than Warhol, The Smithsonian, The New Yorker, and ancient Athens combined. I love the way those two superpowers ultra-pasteurize their yogurt so as to rid it of any naturally-occurring, unpredictable, rogue probiotic cultures (unfettered bacterial growth? – no thanks) before supplanting them with nice, orderly probiotic cultures (and not too much of them, thanks). Mother nature? Natural selection? Ha! As if natural foods could improve my immunity and digestive health better than multi-national corporations. You think sauerkraut has your best interests in mind?

There are downsides to the addiction, though. And it is an addiction. Make no mistake about that. The cravings can hit me hard, fast, and without warning. My blood sugar drops, my knees weaken. Visions of Danimals dance about my tormented psyche, laughing and pointing and beckoning. Normally, I rush to the nearest grocer, head straight to the healthy dairy section, and thrust my probing tongue through the foil seal and into the soothing bath of HFCS, whipped skim froth, carrageenan, and single-file probiotic formations. Normally, all is well, but I’m not always within range of a Dannon/Yoplait distributor. Like last week.

I was driving through LA, just south of Hollywood, when I got the cravings. It wasn’t pretty, and my options were extremely limited. Check cashing places and carnicerias abounded, but there were no grocery stores. I needed my Activia, and I needed it immediately. My wild eyes betrayed my intent; even the fidgeting methamphetamine enthusiast (with whom I sensed a strange sort of community) gave a wide berth. Next thing I knew, I was across the street, apparently having successfully navigated traffic. A Greek market lay before me, a small, unassuming ethnic grocer full of olive oils, labna and mediocre red wine. I entered, approached the counter, and inquired as to their yogurt selection. Greeks are supposed to make yogurt, right? (In the Yoplait online forums, the “Upcoming Product rumors” thread made mention of a “non-fat, Greek-style yogurt coming soon,” so I knew there was some precedent.) They did, and the clerk produced a small nondescript tub of white yogurt, which I immediately purchased. Don’t worry – I made sure to ask if it was low-fat. The clerk, a stout man with an impressive white mustache, just laughed off my silly question. What was I thinking? No one makes full-fat (ugh, the thought just makes me sick) yogurt, I told myself. He was right to laugh at me.

So I popped the top and grabbed a spoon. It smelled pretty sour, and it didn’t even smell like vanilla (but what other flavor could white yogurt be?), but I was desperate. I was about to take a massive spoonful of the stuff when, luckily, the clerk chimed in once again.

“Best yogurt in all of Los Angeles! It’s made from raw sheep and cow milk in Greece, then shipped directly to us! You will like!” I just looked at his bristly ‘stache.

Raw milk? This stuff wasn’t ultra-pasteurized. It was probably teeming with barbarian hordes of probiotic cultures. Ferocious little milky versions of Gauls, Thracians, Ostro-goths, and Visi-goths running rampant over the pristine splendor of Rome, with Yoplait Caesar’s mighty praetorian guard nowhere to be found. I was at an impasse. I needed yogurt in my body, but I didn’t want to face the uncertainty of consuming rogue probiotic cultures. What was I to do?!

Then I remembered my recent pharmacy pick-up: antibiotics. (I’d gone in for a nasty cold; the doctor really didn’t want to write the prescription, citing some nonsense about the cold being a virus and therefore unaffected by antibiotics, but I just slipped him my favorite malpractice lawyer’s card, and he got the idea). I figured antibiotics could counteract the nasty probiotics in the dangerous Greek yogurt, so I tossed a handful of pills down on the counter, crushed them with my Purell aerosol canister, and immediately insufflated the powder. Once I could feel the tell-tale signs of antibiotic powder penetrating my nasal membrane and reaching my blood stream, I tossed down the yogurt. I distinctively heard several dozen death knells signifying the probiotic cultures’ complete assimilation into my body. Sure, it may not technically be assimilation if they’re dead, but this ain’t no melting pot.

This definitely wasn’t vanilla. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they forgot to add the flavoring. But, I’ve gotta say – it was the best damn non-fat yogurt I’ve ever had. It was so rich, so creamy, and so filling. I’ve never had a full-fat item in my life – I avoid direct eye-contact with cartons of whole milk and I’ll spend as long as it takes to whip enough air into skim milk to get it to stand up on its own and solidify into cream (1:1:1 ratio of skim milk to powdered sugar to cornstarch) – but if they taste as good as this yogurt did, I think I understand why people are willing to risk obesity, heart disease, and diabetes just for a shot of half-and-half in the morning coffee…

In case it isn’t abundantly clear to my regular readers (or if you’re new here and your worried about my sanity) I’m just having a little fun with this article. Functional yogurt fans may not be quite that crazy, but you wouldn’t know it by the sales figures of these probiotic-enhanced brands of sugar slurry. They’re billed as the healthiest, simplest choice for people on the go, growing children, women interested in slimming down, and folks with digestive troubles. The kids love it because it’s got funny cartoons on the carton and it’s loaded with sugar. Hell, everyone loves the sugar. And because it’s “healthy,” low-fat, and “packed with probiotics,” people don’t feel bad slurping down all the sugar.

It’s nonsense, people. Probiotics are indeed healthy and helpful members of any digestive system, and consuming them in supplement or fermented food form is a good move with many potential benefits, but wasting your money on fortified processed food (food should never require “fortification”) and its obscene packaging and advertising campaign is silly. Those probiotic-enchanced sugary yogurts are stripped of their natural bacteria via pasteurization. Even the “natural” full-fat yogurts, however delicious they are and whatever other benefits they confer, are usually pasteurized with probiotic cultures added afterward. There’s nothing magical about Yoplait or Dannon.

Regular yogurt has probiotics, too. The clinical doses of probiotics – the amounts that have shown promise in trials – are far higher than anything you’ll get in a tiny 80 calorie container of Key Lime Yoplait yogurt. I’m talking at least 20 billion cfu (colony forming units). If you want the real benefits of probiotics, make fermented foods a regular part of your daily diet. Eat sauerkraut, kimchee, full-fat Greek yogurt (Fage is a good one, or look for a local Greek market), or kefir (if you tolerate dairy). Naturally fermented foods will have good levels of bacteria. You may not get a label listing all the strains, but you’ll know that they’re the same probiotics people have been consuming for thousands of years. Obtaining probiotics this way is generally safe, but if you want a bit more precision, a good supplement will have a label listing the specific strains (and in greater numbers). I regularly use this method for a number of reasons: for its convenience, because I don’t generally do dairy, and to ensure I’m getting precise amounts of certain strains in my system. As my upcoming Primal Flora supplement (30 billion cfu) nears release, I’ll discuss this more at length. Whatever you do, just don’t rely on sugar-filled functional yogurt products to get your probiotics.

What about you guys? Any ridiculous yogurt hyperbole sightings in the wild? Share in the comments section.

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